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Fellow Haters of the "Man,"
     As you know, we are devoted to giving you interesting interviews and keeping you up to date on AfroSquad's efforts to fight the man.  As for interviews, we talked to Lizzy Valentine.  Lizzy is an amazing professional wrestler, and she shares some of her wrestling secrets.  We also interview a beuatiful Coliseum dancer named Mollie. 
     When it comes to AfroSquad, we cover Krazyman's peace talks with the man, SnowMan's affair with Anna Nicole Smith, we re-release a classic AfroSquad video, unveil a hilarious fan video, Advertise Kikyoass Soy Sauce, and give you a history of AfroSquad!
     Thanks again for helping us fight the "Man."  Just make sure you are doing your part!
    
           The NinjaPimp
           Funky White Guy, afro-squad.com

afro-squad.com Exclusive Interview with Lizzy Valentine
by the NinjaPimp

Lizzy Valentine (b. August 10, 1983) is a professional wrestler, valet, model, and actor. Originally from New York City, Valentine was trained by Homicide and began her career under the ringname Miss Led.  She managed Dixie in Jersey All Pro Wrestling and it is here where she also had her first professional match against April Hunter. She also had a career long feud with the WWE's Mickie James, aka Alexis Laree.

She went on tour and wrestled matches for the troops in the Middle East.  Furthermore, she also had a brief stint in NWA/TNA as Cheerleader Valentina, feuding with the TNA cage dancers. 

She has recently ventured out into acting and has had small parts in Nip Tuck and Vegas. She is performing in the new MTV wrestling series Wrestling Society X under the ring name Lizzy Valentine as a valet and girlfriend for Matt Sydal. (Source, Wikipedia)

Lizzy, how are you doing today? I am doing fantastic, thanx!

Can you tell us a little about yourself and your accomplishments? Well, I started in the biz when I was 17.  I always wanted to be a part of the wrestling industry.  I started training at the LIWF Doghouse under the guidance of Homicide (TNA wrestler).  I've worked for over 40 wrestling promotions across the US, and traveled to the Middle East and Alaska to wrestle for the troops. I am a former Kapow! and UPW women's champ.

Didn't you work in TNA? How was that?  I only worked there for about a month. It was okay, but the angle I was in didn't go anywhere.  I moved all the way down to Nashville just for the chance to work there so when it didn't work out, it was a major bummer!!

Where are you wrestling now-a-days?  I am currently just working for WSX.  It's the new wrestling promotion on MTV Tuesday nights at 10:30pm.  I plan to start working indy shows again in the near future.

Do you have any ambition to wrestle with the WWE?  Well, my dream was always to work for WWE, but I am happy with being a part of WSX at the moment.

What do you think of the "divas" in WWE?  I think all the girls are great. They work hard to stay in shape and get better each week. I just wish that the management would let them wear more clothing. Don't hate the playa, hate the game!!

What do you do during the week to stay in shape?  I work out a lot. I usually start off the day doing cardio for 40-45 minutes on an empty stomach. Then later on I go to the gym and do yoga and weights. When I am training hard I will do another 45 minutes of cardio at night as well.

What is your diet like?  I follow the Eat 4 Your Blood Type diet.  I basically eat eggs, chicken or steak, nuts, fruit and veggies on a daily basis. I only drink water, but sometimes I drink organic kombucha teas.

Who is "Matt?" Can you tell us about him?  Matt Sydal is my "boyfriend" in WSX. He is one of the top wrestlers in the country.

Who do you like to wrestle?  Malia Hosaka and Morgan. I feel like we click the best.

Who would you like to wrestle in the future?  Hmmm.  Not sure!  I always wanted to wrestle Trish, but she's retired now.

Can you tell us something unusual about yourself?  Ummm, I am a really picky eater, and will only eat organic foods that are hormone and antibiotic free.

Do you tan?  I don't tan at all.  If anything, I use a spray tan.

What do you do to prepare for a match?  I usually like to practice for a little bit with my opponent to feel them out. Then I warm up and stretch.

Is there anything you'd like to say to our 20,000 readers a month? Thanx for all the love and support. I appreciate it so much. Please add me @ www.myspace.com/lizzyvalentine. Oh and don't forget to put me in your top friends :-)

Thanks for your time. Thanks for having me!!

AfroSquad Classic Video - Takin' Out the (White) Trash
by the AfroSquad

 

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History of AfroSquad: by Alfonzo D. Frankenfunk

The illegitimate son of Dolamite (The 1974 Pimp of the Year), the SnowMan was born in East Detroit. He was raised by a middle-class white family, but because of his genetic connection to Dolamite, he was destined to fight the man... and have a huge wiener!

The CrazyMan by contrast was born in L.A., where he was raised by a Mack named Goldie (The 1973 Pimp of the Year). His illegitimate father, John Holmes (1971 Pimp of the Year) denied any blood relation, but the genetic resemblance is uncanny.

In an attempt to earn their PhDs (Pimp and Hoe Degrees), SnowMan and CrazyMan met as college roommates in Texas. At this college, they opened a diner, named Joe's. http://www.ifilm.com/video/2796585 (It was later re-named Mack Donald's). Despite thick beef and fresh hot buns, the restaurant was unsuccessful because of outside influences (like taxes) by the "Man."

In an effort to educate fellow pimps about the "Man," SnowMan and CrazyMan joined forces to create AfroSquad. The internet's FIRST all-pimp website. The site gained momentum with such products as AssWipes http://www.ifilm.com/video/2797219 and Pimp Rounds http://www.ifilm.com/video/2796582.

Just days after writing a "Modern Social Theory" on the "Man" for a PhD class, CrazyMan was attacked by the "Man's" cronies! http://www.ifilm.com/video/2796381

After this attack, "El Hombre" swarmed the country. http://www.ifilm.com/video/2821468 There was oppression in the mid-west. The "Man's" cronies flooded the East Coast, and women everywhere were left unsatisfied!

That's when AfroSquad started "taking out the White Trash!" http://www.ifilm.com/video/2821461 The AfroSquad all but eliminated the "Man" during this mid 90s time frame.

Just then, tragedy struck. The Man bought the domain www.afrosquad.com, and used it to sell hair products! Then the "Man" also framed SnowMan and had him sent to prison. In an effort to avoid a similar fate, CrazyMan went underground, literally! Rumor has it that he hid in an underground strip club for nearly five years.

During their absence from the public, the "Man" made many nefarious advances in the name of evil. He started drilling for oil in Alaska, assassinated Rick James, and cancelled Mystery Science Theatre 3000 and the Family Guy.

In 2006 the SnowMan was released from prison. http://www.ifilm.com/video/2823225  He rejoined the CrazyMan, and re-launched AfroSquad with the NinjaPimp at www.afro-squad.com. SnowMan and CrazyMan also changed the spelling of their names (to $nowMan and KrazyMan, respectively) to throw the "Man" off their supersonic trails.

Meanwhile, $nowMan started dating Britney Spears, and KrazyMan briefly married Pamela Lee-Anderson-Rock-Man. Among other activities, the AfroSquad and NinjaPimp crew also launched a joint venture into space!

In 2007, the "Man" hypnotized the NinjaPimp, and turned him into a complete butthole! http://www.ifilm.com/video/2796406 Fortunately, after a few sips from a 40 ouncer of Tang, and a 9mm blast to the head from the $nowman, The NinjaPimp is a AfroSquad homie once again!

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The Lizzy Valentine Issue (#34)

AfroSquad Interview with Mollie,
by NinjaPimp

This month, NinjaPimp interviews one of the hottest dancers from the hottest gentleman's club in Detroit.  Mollie is a beautiful young stripper from the Motor City, and she works at the Coliseum Night Club with her gorgeous sister. 

Mollie, how are you doing tonight?  I'm great.  Thanks for asking.  How are you, NinjaPimp?

Good.  I can't complain.  So, can you tell us a little about your career?  Where do you work?  I work at the Coliseum in Detroit, MI.   It is the hottest Gentleman's Club in North America!

How long have you worked there?  I've been there for two and a half years.  In fact, I've worked there ever since they opened in September of 2004.  

Do you like it?  To me, I have one of the best jobs.  I work when I want.  I can drink or not drink.  I can also listen to music all night long.  

What is the normal day like for you? Please take us through the beginning of a normal day.  An average day for me is hanging with my little girl 'till about five.  Then I go home and shower.  I then go to work.  On the weekend, I take off.  So I do my girly shit.  I do my nails, go tan, go shopping, or party a little. 

What are the best hours to dance?  For the time of year, I nights are the best.  Some girls prefer days, but they can be slow at times. 

Is this the first club that you danced in?   I started dancing eight years ago, but I have only been active for a total of six years.  I took some time off when I had my baby.  I've worked for six clubs (Toy Chest, Cheetahs, Players, Tycoons, Coliseum, and Trumpps), but none compare to the Coliseum.  It is much nicer than any club that I have worked at.  In fact, it is nicer than any club around.   

Have you ever done any modeling? If so, can you tell us about it?   I do modeling on the side.  I mostly do bathing suits and lingerie modeling.  I've also done a lot of magazines.  Chrome Detroit wants me to do a spread soon. 

Do you have any relatives who dance? Can you tell us about them?  My sister is is a shot girl at my work.  She sells test tube shots.  She is good at that, but she leaves the dancing to me.  I get a high from being on stage.  I love the attention, so I love the job.  

How many tattoos do you have?   I have seven tattoos.  They all mean something to me. 

What are your thoughts on breast implants?  How do they affect dancers?  As far as implants go, 98 percent of the girls who have them become f*cking bitches!  They forget that a piece of plastic doesn't make them a better person!  You're attitude makes the person.  I got mine because they (my breasts) went down in size a little after my kid was born.   I was a C-cup before my kid.

What is the best part about your job?  The best part of my job is the freedom to do as I want.  I choose when I work and what I do. 

What is the worst part about your job?  The worst part is the guys who are rude.  I mean, why go to a club if you don't want to be bothered?  If you don't, just be nice.  Remember, we are all there for a reason, what ever that may be.

Where do you see yourself in five years?  Five years from now, I'll still be hot!  So I'll probably be dancing.  In ten years, I'll have enough money to own a little business, I hope! 

Do you have any favorite customers?  If so, what makes them great?  A good customer is a steady one.  One who comes to see you at least once a week, no matter what. 

What makes for a poor customer?  The worst kind are the ones who think You owe them something 'cause they gave you a little money.

Can you tell us a fun story about working in a club?  Funny stories?  I was coming down from a pole trick and my shoe got stuck in a guys head!  Watch were you lay guys!

Has anything embarrassing ever happened while you were working?  One time I got so drunk that I fell asleep on stage!  Can you believe that?  I've also fallen down once or twice, but I don't embarrass easy.  When you walk around in eight inch heels, you are bound to fall once or twice.   

Do you foresee yourself doing anything "more adult" than dancing in the future?  Porn, ha? I wouldn't... only because I feel that could haunt me in the future.  I have to protect my daughter from anything that could hurt her emotionally later in life.

Is there anything you would like to say to our fans?  I wanna say "hi" to all u guys out there!  I hope you enjoyed my life.

Is there anything else you would like to cover?  Yes, I would just like to say that I am a big fan of Afrosquad and afro-squad.com.  Thanks for letting people know that girls like myself are real people.  We have real lives, and we appreciate what you do. 

Well, thanks for your time!  Good luck in the future. 

Kikyoass Soy Sauce (Afrosquad Classic)
by Snowman V1
back

That's right. If you are like us, you are way tired of that typical salty stuff "they" pass as Soy Sauce. Now, thanks to your favorite AfroSquad pimp known as Critical Reflux, your cravings have been answered. KIKYOASS Soy Sauce is packed with knock-you-on-your-ass taste. The salt is still there, but so is a groin-grabbing helping of secret ingredients that we know you are going to notice. Although the patent is still pending and the FDA's jury is still out- let our sauce KIKYOASS at finer street corners and convience stores near you.

"IF YOU CAN FIND IT, YOU WILL LIKE IT." -Critical Reflux

Submitted afro-squad.com Fan Video
By I-Donkey Productions

 

Peace Talks with the Man? "No Way" says $nowMan    
by the NinjaPimp

Detroit, MI - The SnowMan is demanding KrazyMan not to even "explore" the possibility of peace talks with The Man, afro-squad.com reported Friday.

Krazyman and Snowman are divided on whether they should listen. SnowMan has cited "he's an asshole" as a reason for rejecting the Man's peace overtures, but KrazyMan has not heeded SnowMan's demands when it came to the settlement issue. Meanwhile afro-squad.com analysts criticized the AfroSquad's unity.

According to the Haaretz report, AFROSQUAD Secretary of State SnowMan told the KrazyMan in January that even exploratory talks would be a prize to the Man's regime that undermines "pimps and hoes everywhere," is involved in attacks on the AFROSQUAD forces in Detroit and cooperates with Iran in arming Lebanese Hezbollah.

"When KrazyMan asked Secretary SnowMan about the possibility of exploring the seriousness of the Man in his calls for peace talks, his response was unequivocal: F#ck him, f#ck him in his f#cking a$$!" SnowMan said.

In public, the AFROSQUAD officials have maintained that KrazyMan is a sovereign pimp and can do what he considers best. However, SnowMan recently said: "Everybody would like to see peace between KrazyMan and The Man too, but The Man is currently engaged in behavior that sucks balls!"

Source: afro-squad.com

Could $nowMan be the Father?
by the Red Ninja

The ongoing Anna Nicole Smith saga has continued to present many odd-ball possibilities, but I have discovered a new possibility that is so twisted, nothing compares to it.

Since the birth of Anna Nicole Smith's baby Dannielynn, things have been out of control. On one end, we have Howard K. Stern insisting he is the father of Dannielynn, but refuses to take a DNA test to prove it. On the other hand, we have Larry Birkhead, who is more than willing to take a DNA test to prove that he is the father. But are there other possibilites?