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The SnowMan
AfroSquad Denied Bailout!
DETROIT (Reuters) - SnowMan, an unemployed pimp, grew angry and resigned
and then angry again when he thought about the political debate that has
stalled a bailout for the once-proud funk master that built the
AfroSquad.
"If they can spend billions on war and billions to bail out Wall Street,
then they can help the AfroSquad," said Snow, who was waiting for a
delivery of funk records on Thursday afternoon as the U.S. Senate
debated tightening up terms of a rescue package for the AfroSquad Army.
"We need this help. This is supposed to be the United States," said
Snow, 25, whose excessive porn habit has cost him his home.
"I
don’t want to ask the Man for money, but I have quite an In-Demand
pay-per-view bill and my tab is due at White Castle" Snow said.
At
AfroSquad's nearby Gigantic Wiener Sausage Shop, the Squad also
cancelled their late night deliveries.
The AfroSquad has announced that they couldn’t keep up with demand, and
that they can’t afford any more little blue pills.
Just down the street, the Bitch Smax production facility has dimmed some
of the lights at its headquarters as it waits for word on whether
lawmakers will approve its request for $17 in loans to pay bills through
January.
WAITING AND WAITING
Afro-Squad’s factory workers will be asked to make more sacrifices as
the shrunken United Afro Workers (UAW) union offers new concessions,
including being limited to one hooker each per week!
As
recently as September, the future looked unexpectedly bright for the
AfroSquad. AfroSquad Chief S-Executive Kinky Tuscadero announced a new
plan to improve morale, which included casual-sex Fridays.
"I
just walked out of a meeting with 350 pimps, and I had to tell them that
I don't know what's going to happen," said John "Yellow" Mustard, a UAW local
president in Flint. "I don't know what's going to happen to their
benefits. They may have to give up the gin AND the juice!"
The Gargoyle, president of a UAW local that represents GM's stamping
plant in Lordstown, said street workers were frustrated and angry that
their future was being debated -- and delayed -- by lawmakers who they
have been servicing for years.
According to Claude Beefro, CEO of Globalpu, Inc, producer of the Homies
line of diapers, the company couldn't turn down the free press.
"We knew our name would eventually be in the headlines," Beefro said.
"We decided to pre-empt the late night jokes and maybe move some product
in the process. After all, that's what it's all about, right?"
Besides putting Nowak on the latest line of diapers, Globalpu is also in
negotiations to use Nowak in commercials and other public appearances.
"We tried to get her to wear another pair if or when she goes to trail,"
claims Beefro. "She balked at that. But we will have her signing diapers
at the next ComicCon."
Although small, and a minor player in diapers and other products,
Globalpu is used to thinking out of the box. Back in 2005, the company
attempted to capitalize on the
Terry Schiavo case by
briefly putting her name on their line of produce.
"We had her promotion angle all lined up before her people pulled the
plug, literally" said Beefro. "Who would people trust more about veggies
than a vegetable?"
Time will tell if the Homies line will continue to use Nowak's name on
the product, or whether a resulting stink could mandate the diapers be
changed.
Please tell us a little bit about yourself and your movie
career. I've been doing this about three years, love it,
what's better than getting paid to #&%, LOL
So what have been your favorite movies and why? I
loved working with Clive McClain, He was a great director, other than
that I try to enjoy myself on all In all my movies, so I guess I love
them all.
Can you tell us about your job at the Chateau? I
actually had to quit my job at the Chateau, I was under the impression
that while it was S&M I would get extensive bruises, but unfortunately I
did, so I had to quit, directors don't really appreciate me coming to
set all beat up.
I heard you recently attended the AVN expo. What was that like?
Good, this year was my third year attending. My date for the
awards was Cousin Stevie, so he made the otherwise boring awards fun.
But the whole thing is really draining, your expected to be at the
convention all day and be at the parties ALL night, and then be in
make-up on time in the morning LOL�It takes about a week to recover, the
last day of the convention is always just a blur of coffee and red
bulls.
Do you have any products, websites, or ventures that you would like to
promote? Well I finally got my website up,
www.AmberPeachXXX.com... then as always I'm on the look out for
investors, I just hired a biz manager to fine tune some biz plans I
have, so hopefully that will help me get some more serious investors,
Ideally one day I'll have my own company, similar to Jill Kelly's,
except hopefully I'll manage mine better... That's not a stab at Jill, I
just try to learn from others mistakes, so I don't make the same ones.
Also I occasionally do a political podcast called Anarchy-X, you guys
should check it out!
I also heard that you are the best licker ever. What is the
secret to your technique? Ummmm, I don't know, You'll
have to read my book!
What were you like in high school? Quite, I was pretty
much cool with everyone, I was a $lut�..I slept in class, but still made
descent grades, I worked a lot and at one time had two jobs and was
going to school.
Can you tell us about the first time you worked in the adult industry?
What was that like? I did three movies in the same day my
first day, I was a little nervous I guess, but I got over that pretty
quick
What would your worst enemy say about you? I'm
stuck up
I think I saw you on Seymour Butts' show. Have you worked with
him? What is he like? Yeah, I've worked with him a good
bit, he's a great director
Who are your favorite and least favorite directors? I
like directors who actually give a damn about us (talent) and don't like
the ones that don't. I don't like directors who put me in harms way!
Who are your favorite and least favorite performers?
Again I'm not going to name names, but as long as they have a good
attitude I like working with them. The ones that think the world
revolves around their d!ck; I don't get along with as much!
Do you have anything you want to say to your fans?
Ummm, I just hope I'm doing a good job entertaining ya'll
Thanks for your time. You are
certainly entertaining us.
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