NinjaPimp Men's Magazine: New Ginger Lynn Allen Interview, Cali and
Cherish, Tara the Dimepiece, AfroSquad, Grand Theft Auto, NinjaPimp, Youtube,
ifilm
Fan Pic of the
Month:
Send your fan pics to the
NinjaPimp!
Jim
Bucko, RIP:
News keeps pouring in about deceased NinjaPimp writer Jim
Bucko. Here are some of the quotes that we've received:
NinjaPimp: "The December issue of
afro-squad.com will tell you exactly what happened to Jim 'ZP'
Bucko."
KrazyMan: "Jim Bucko is one of the
founders of afro-squad.com. He is an icon. He will be missed.
He was one krazy man."
Amanda O.: "He was looking pretty
creepy right before his death. I think he was bit by a dog or
something. He was all grey and sullen."
Robert Hamburger (Enemy): "Jim was in
the middle of his social experiment, becoming a high school
pimp, when he just stopped showing up for school. I heard fell
on a chainsaw while hunting ninja."
Jenny W.: "I know he died, but I
swear I saw him this Halloween. He was dressed like a zombie...
or a pimp... or something."
Erin W.: "It was weird. We were
making out one night, and he kept muttering something about how
he liked me for my brains."
Our specialty is delivering delicious
wieners that are superior to any other sausage. Every "Gigantic
Weiner" measures at least 20 inches, and is hand delivered to
your door by KrazyMan, SnowMan, Red Ninja or NinjaPimp. We top
it all off with our patented, secret dressing that gives every
Gigantic Weiner that famous, irresistible zest.
Don't
believe us? Here is what our customers have to say!
Those
Gigantic Wieners really fill me. It isn't just the length, the
girth is amazing!
Sandy Jugs
KrazyMan and Snowman delivered those wieners to my backdoor!
Since I was home alone, I had to take them all by myself!
Haley Monroe
I was
so filled by those wieners that I still can't walk strait!
Sandra Sweatermeat
I still
wasn't full after one wiener, so KrazyMan tossed me a salad
immediately afterwards!
D.S.L.
Jones
A
footlong just wasn't enough... now I can toss down all 20
inches!
Katie Kumez
I
walked in and my mom was wolfing down two gigantic wieners, I
did my best to help her with them, but there was just too much
meat for me!
Cameron Chestey
The Ginger Lynn Allen
Issue (#30)
Attention all fans,
Can you believe how much new content we
unleashed on the internet this month? First we got an interview
with movie star Ginger Lynn Allen! Ginger Lynn talks about her
role in Metallica's "Turn the Page" video, Rob Zombie's "The Devil's
Rejects," and her sexual encounters with John Holmes. She even
mentions Christy Canyon and George Clooney! You gotta read this!
Second, we have tons of new AfroSquad content. It will make you
laugh your 'fro off! Third, we have an article written by the
homie Jordie Scrubbings. We also interview Tara, an up
and coming musician! Once again, thanks for visiting. Check
out our past issues and revisit at least once a month!
AfroSquad Episode Zero:
Return of the Man - Directed by
KrazyMan
"KrazyMan Vs NinjaPimp" is the opening bit in
"AfroSquad Episode Zero, Return of the Man" the second
feature-length collection of stunts, pranks and self-inflicted
trauma from $nowman and his merry band of Pure Funk yahoos. Much of
what follows is too obscene to be described here; suffice to say
that disreputable things are done with the a city bus. It is also
too exhilarating to spoil. Debased, infantile and reckless in the
extreme, this compendium of body bravado and malfunction makes for
some of the most fearless, liberated and cathartic comedy in modern
movies.
You may prefer a
Buster Keaton gag to the spectacle
of a man leaping from a NinjaPimp attack, but you can't argue with
its purity of expression. At the root of the "AfroSquad" project is
an impulse to deny the superego and approach the universe, with all
its hard edges and pimp-infested forests, as an enormous,
undifferentiated playpen. That, and the impulse to watch
a pimps beat down a ninja. The Surrealists would have loved these
guys, and relished the film's signature image: the return of the
man!
Movie Star Ginger Lynn!
Ginger, it is great to have you on afro-squad.com.
How are you doing today? I'm fabulous, thank you.
You are quite the legend in the industry. What do you consider your
biggest accomplishments? I'd have to say as far as my greatest
accomplishment within the adult film industry...the fact that I've
been active in one way or another for over two decades and still have
a fantastic following is extremely humbling and quite an achievement.
Also, I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that taking on John Holmes
a half a dozen times wasn't a feat in itself.
Do you know if there is an adult film Hall of Fame? Who would you
pick as the first inductees? I'm quite sure there is, however I'm
not sure where. I do have my handprints in cement in front of the
Hollywood Hustler Store along with some of the adult greats. I'd like
to induct: Charlie Sheen, George Clooney and Billy Idol. All three of
these men have gone above and beyond the call of booty.
We recently interviewed
Teri Weigel.
Have you ever worked with or met her? If so, what do you think of her?
I've known Teri for a few years, and I absolutely love her. We
worked together a couple of years ago on
Jewel DeNyle's last movie. Teri is terrific.
Can you tell us about
Christy Canyon
and your radio show with her? Christy and I have known each other
since nearly the start of both of our careers. I was the first woman
she ever had sex with. Lucky me! We’ve been hosting a wacky and wild
radio show for Playboy on Sirius 198 since March of 2006. The show is
called Nightcalls. It’s naughty and nice and we definitely push the
show to the legal limits.
So how do you ladies stay so sexy? Last time I saw Christy, she
looked fantastic. $P#%M keeps a girl happy and healthy.
Well, you must be very happy and healthy! We've got to say that
we loved you in your Metallica video. In all honesty, that is one of
my favorite videos of all time. What do you think of the video?
Being a part of the Metallica video “Turn the Page” was one of the
most exciting experiences of my mainstream career. The video is
definitely disturbing, yet its honesty and integrity are honorable.
The director, Jonas Akerlund was a dream to work with. Unfortunately I
didn’t have the opportunity to meet the band.
Is there any message that the group or director was trying to get
across? I think Jonas was trying to get across the point that at
some point in all of our lives we are all whores. We do what we have
to to survive.
We recently shot a
video. Can you tell us what you think of it? We are brand new to
the video business. Great stuff. The video had me wiggling
and squirming. Good luck in all of your future endeavors, and if you
need a MILF for a future project please let me know.
We do. We'll call! By the way, weren't you also in the
Devil's Rejects? I f'n love that movie! Can you tell us what it was
like working on that project? I’m a lucky girl. Rob Zombie is one
of best directors I’ve ever worked with. I’m personally not a big fan
of scary movies (the make me pee my panties), so I haven’t actually
seen the film, but I’ve heard it’s amazing and that my scene with
Captain Spaulding is unforgettable.
You probably have some amazing stories. You've been in quite a few
movies, you have a radio show, and you are extremely popular. Can you
tell us about one of the interesting scenarios that you have been
involved in? I’d love to, but you’re going to have to wait
for my book which is tentatively titled “I Did It, I Like It…So What”.
It should be out in the fall of 2007,
Can you take a moment and check out afro-squad.com? Tell us what you
think of the site. I LOVE afro-squad.com!!!
Is there anything you would like to say to our fans? We've had over
a million visitors since our inception, so I am sure that plenty of
people will read this. My motto is “If it feels good, and
you’re not hurting anyone…do it!
So what do you think of the adult film industry? Is it exploitive
towards women or men? I don’t necessarily believe any industry can
exploit any one person who chooses to be involved in it. A person who
chooses to be in the adult film industry can only allow themselves to
be exploited. Man or woman. If you don’t like it, don’t do it.
I've heard some people address a concern of STDs in the industry.
Is there a reason for concern? What do you think of condom use in
adult films? Anyone who is sexually active in today’s
society needs to be concerned. Don’t be silly cover that willy! We all
have the choice to use or not use a condom. Unfortunately, sometimes
when you play you pay.
HPV has been a hot topic lately. Is that something that should
worry new stars? I’m no longer active in the adult film industry
in front of the camera. I’m not sure what HPV is. I’ve seen
commercials, but I’m not up to date on the subject.
On a different topic, do you think prostitution should be
legalized? Absolutely!
Do you have any projects you would like to promote? “Kisses & Caroms” has just been released on DVD and is available
everywhere. Also “American Pie: Band Camp” and “The Independent” are
now available on DVD.
Is there anything else you would like to talk about? Yes,
I’m single and available for the right man.
Well thanks for your time. Good luck in your future! Warm
wet kisses - Ginger
AfroSquad Pest Removal - written by the KrazyMan
Entomology departments often receive more calls about ninja than any
other household killer. Subterranean ninja are serious pests, whose
control is best left to professionals. Ninja and ninja management
services can be confusing, however, and there are more options
available today than ever before. Some of the most common ninja
questions raised by homeowners are below.
Why worry about ninja?
Should I worry about ninja hitting it with my wife?
How will I know if my home is infested?
Can I treat the house myself?
How do I choose a ninja control company? Why is there such
variance in price?
Which treatment methods and products are most effective?
Does the entire house need to be treated -- or can they just
treat areas where I see ninja?
How long will the treatment last?
Will the chainsaw attacks harm my family or pets?
Have I been "cheated" if ninja continue to decapitate
my family after treatment?
AfroSquad is ready to answer these questions for
you. $nowMan and Krazyman's new ninja removal service are ready to
rid your house of unwanted ninja, and stay until your wife is
completely satisfied! Call today. 1-888-AFRO-SQUAD
NinjapPimp
Exclusive Interview
Taras the Dimepiece
by the Red Ninja
Hi, how are you doing today? I'M DOING FINE, AND YOU?
Great, thanks for asking. So what is your name? What do you do
for a living? What makes you different? TARAS THE DIME PIECE.
I AM A ENTERTAINER. I SING POP AND R&B AS WELL AS MODEL.
You once told me that you were multi racial. What does that mean?
MY DAD IS WHITE AND MY MOM IS BLACK
What is your favorite song? I REALLY DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE
SONG BECAUSE OF MY TASTE FOR DIFFERENT KINDS OF MUSIC POP, ROCK,
COUNTRY, R&B, RAP, ALTERNATIVE. GOSPEL AS WELL AS A HOST OF OLDIES
BUT GOODIES OF ALL KINDS.
Do you consider yourself a sex symbol? LETS SAY MORE OF A
INNOVATOR/ STYLE JUNKIE
What projects are you currently working on? THERE IS A
COMPILATION COMING OUT NOV 27 CALLED FIRE WATER AS WILL AS MY ALBUM
COMING OUT APRIL 7 2007
What do you think of
www.afro-squad.com? MAN! LOLOLOL! YOU GUYS ARE SO CRAZY! I
JUST LOVE YOUR MOVIES I THINK THEY ARE SO FUNNY YOUR ARTICLE
COVERAGE IS GREAT ALSO!
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? BEING A MUTLI-PLATINUM
ARTIST WHILE AT THE SAME TIME TRYING TO RELEASE A HOST OF NEW
EXCITING ARTIST TO THE WORLD!
So, have you ever been in a fight? If so, can you tell us about
that? YES ONCE. I DON'T REMEMBER ALL THE EXACTS SHE JUST SAID
SOMETHING CRAZY SO I JUST HIT IN THE FACE WITH MY FIST AND COULDN'T
STOP FOR ABOUT 30 SECONDS EVEN KNOW IT WAS THE WRONG THING TO DO.
I DO REMEMBER THAT AT SOME POINT IT REALLY FELT GOOD TO RELEASE THAT
ENERGY
What do you think of our
ifilm trailer?
YOU GUYS ARE F**KIN' NUTS AS I SAID EARLIER I LUV YOUR MOVIES THEY
KEEP ME LAUGHING.
Would you make a cameo in our next movie? I WOULD LUV TO BE
CAN IN THE NEXT MOVIE I BE CAT NINJA IN A BLACK BODY SUIT OR
SOMETHING. OF POSSIBLE I WOULD LUV TO DO A FIGHT SCENE. THAT WOULD
BE SO SO FUN. LOLOLOL
Are there any questions you would like to ask us? 1ST WHERE
AND WHEN DO I NEED TO BE TO PLAY MY PART IN THE MOVIE. 2ND
WHAT TOOK SO LONG FOR MY INTERVIEW I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING YOU GUYS FOR
A WHILE NOW. LAST THANKS FOR YOUR TIME GOD BLESS AND STAY NINJAPIMPS
We'll let you know what we need for the movies. Maybe you can
costar with the
NinjaPimp twins! Thanks for your time.
NO THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME
Grand
Theft Auto - NinjaPimp City
by Black Ninja
A Florida judge has ordered the maker of
Grand Theft Auto, NinjaPimp City to
hand over an unreleased videogame set in the funky 70s, a move that
raises questions about the legal protections that games enjoy.
The
judge is being asked to grant a partial injunction against sales of
the forthcoming AfroSquad Interactive Software game, which features
extreme fighting between NinjaPimp and a Polar Bear. NinjaPimp
City is scheduled for release in the US on Tuesday.
In
the Florida lawsuit, an anti-videogame attorney named The Man is
asking for an injunction. He filed a motion on Wednesday asking the
court "to grant some relief to stop the witless, crass release of this
game in five days."
The
$nowman and Krazyman, First Amendment scholars, are alarmed at the
Man's request, especially since Miami-Dade County Circuit Court Judge
Ronald Friedman has decided to review the game to see how violent it
is instead of dismissing the request out of hand.
"If
it's not on the market yet, I find it hard to imagine a basis for the
pre-publication review of the game," said Red Ninja, a partner at law
firm JayTee in Michigan TC who has argued before the US Supreme Court.
The
Man's lawsuit likens NinjaPimp City to
a "murder simulator", alleging it will teach minors about methods of
pimping and ho violence. He asks the court to declare the game a
"public nuisance".
That
echoes the arguments the Supreme Court heard in the 1973 Shaft vs
Minnesota case, in which the justices invalidated a state law (and
injunction) regulating "scandalous" news articles as a public
nuisance, NinjaPimp said.
"To
extend that argument to speech is saying that the speech offends you,"
he said. "That's not a valid regulation under the First Amendment!"
When
asked about the incident, $nowman said. "Funk the Man, Funk him in
his Funky @$$!"
A city under seige:
Wild Pimps Create New Problems! By the NinjaPimp
With time to kill and more cover in
now-abandoned buildings, the city has become a "gangsta's paradise"
in the year since Katrina drove out many of the area's funky
residents.
NEW ORLEANS | Bitches
have been dragged from abandoned swimming pools.
Thugs have been removed
from the airport.
Gangsters are stalking teens
and cuties in city streets.
And playas are
undermining po'lice units.
In the year since
Hurricane Katrina drove out many of the people of New Orleans,
wild pimps have been moving in.
Some were blown in by the
winds or redistributed by the floodwaters. Others were drawn by the
piles of unemployed hoes and the shelter afforded by abandoned homes
and tall weeds.
"In 20 years of
trapping pimps here, I've never seen anything like it," said Public
Dick, who is licensed by the state to remove nuisance pimps in the
metropolitan area. "I'm getting calls night and day."
Marilyn Barbera said OGs
are living under her home and in her garden, and one moved into her
house, a white 1859 Greek Revival in the Riverbend area.
At Milton Flatnuts' house
in the Uptown section, a neighborhood where pimps rarely roam, thugs
quickly cleaned out a dozen expensive, 6-inch goldfish from her
backyard pond. Milton said, "They thought they were catfish, and the
barbequed them for hours!"
Ben Autobot found Bloods
in his yard, while a man in another part of town found deadly Crypts.
"They must have washed in from the West Coast," said Autobot.
"You used to have
to go deep in the hoods to find pimps" said the NinjaPimp, a thugologist
with the NinjaPImp Nature Institute & Funkitarium. "Now we're finding
them all over the place . Along with swarms of hoes, bitches and
playas!"
Melvin Q. Hippopotimus,
curator of the pimp exhibit at the NinjaPimp Zoo, predicted the influx
before the floodwaters receded.
"The three things wild
pimps need is 40s, bitches and hoes," Atkinson said. "We've always
had 40s and bitches, but now there are more hoes than ever, so
the pimps have all the hoes they want."
Complaints about the
stank have soared.
"They have more stank
than before the storm. Just look at all the piles of garbage, the
stuff lying around, the empty buildings. This is a hoe's paradise,"
said Dick Rambone, owner of Audubon Pimp Control.
Claudia Slapyomomma,
assistant director of the New Orleans Bitches and Ho Control Board,
which handles pimpin' complaints, said the problem is not as bad as
people think.
"People are also seeing
them in areas they did not see them in before the storm," she said.
"That makes them think it's worse than it is."
Still, the city has set
up a hot line to take complaints.
Sue Sperry of Metairie
took quick action after her husband started bringing her dead hoes.
"We cut down all our
foliage as soon as Bill started bringing the hoes in the house,"
Sperry said. "We've sealed the house. They can get in the smallest
places. I'm reporting people that haven't cleaned up their property
or smoked their grass. This is a serious problem."
When I get to work my first hour is typically spent surfing the
blogosphere. Usually my first reads are The Big Lead, Deadspin, The
FanHouses, TrueHoop, and my favorite team-centric blogs. Then,
depending on time and my boss's presence, I'll try to hit up any and
all the sites on my blogroll (no time to list them all here - look
right). Despite all the words, columns, articles, and headlines I
read however, there is so much more I miss. Therefore I made it my
mission this weekend to surf some of the web pages I don't normally
visit and see what's out there.
