ST LOUIS—Former St. Louis Cardinals home run king, and long time liar Mark McGwire came clean Monday, stating “No shit.  Of course I did steroids.  What?  Did you think my head grew four hat sizes on its own?  Who wants to fight?”  He then added, “McGuire rules, bitch!” 

“I totally regret using steroids,” McGuire said during an hour-long interview with the MLB Network’s Bob Costas. “PSYCHE!  That juice shit is awesome.  One time, I choked out a live anaconda, arm wrestled a bear, and still when three for four against Clemens.  Do you know how cool it is to be me?  That’s right, I made $300 million in the past 10 years.  What has your straight edge living earned you, Costas?”

McGuire continued the interview with several references to Bob Costas’ mother then went on to hump a Coke machine.  He concluded with, “and kids, don’t do drugs.”

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