Despite reports of fewer and fewer jobs on the market today, President Obama is happy to report that a special segment of the work force has seen an increase in employment.

“I am happy to announce that my reforms are working,” Said the President.  He continued, “There are now more workers between the ages of 8 and 18 than there have ever been in US history!  Furthermore, the unemployment rate among the elderly has reached an all time low.  With my reforms we are seeing new jobs in the hot glass, chimney cleaning, and intensive labor industries.  These jobs are being filled by some of America’s oldest and youngest workers.”

Despite the news, protesters in China are worried about American labor law practices.  They site that the U.S. government needs to step up efforts to indenture their servants.