Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary; born 21 April 1926) is the Queen regnant of sixteen independent sovereign states known informally as the Commonwealth realms: the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda, and Saint Kitts and Nevis. She holds each crown separately and equally in a shared monarchy, as well as acting as Head of the Commonwealth, and Supreme Governor of the Church of England. As a constitutional monarch, she is politically neutral and by convention her role is considered a figurehead by most.  However, many are also considering her an immortal badass, capable of world dominance.

“She has totally bulked up and quite frankly, she scares the hell out of us,” a spokeswoman for the prime minister said.  “One time she hit me with the f’ing scepter.  That thing hurts.  She’s a mean old broad, and she smells a bit like Old Spice.  Really old spice.”

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