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Archive for May, 2011

Restaurant That Never Has Customers Celebrates Fifth Weird Year

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 28 - 2011

CHICAGO—The Royale restaurant near Rogers Park commemorated its fifth weird year of business Monday the same way it celebrated its opening: with a vague attempt to attract customers by stringing brightly colored plastic flags from the mysterious eatery’s storefront to a nearby utility pole. Residents have passed by the fluorescent-lit restaurant since 2006, bearing witness to three “under new management” signs, the promise of live music on Tuesdays, and 24 mismatched and empty chairs. “They’re offering a ‘buy one, get the second half-price’ special,” local woman Michelle Durkin said. “But it doesn’t say what you have to buy one of. Actually, I’ve never really been too clear on what kind of food they serve there.” According to passersby, the ethnic-looking guy in an apron talking on a pay phone in the back looks like he works there.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/4rcXL5aAdNA/

CLEVELAND—The entire population of Cleveland continued its two-month-long silent streak Saturday, opting to remain completely still so as not to ruin hope for the Indians, who are off to their best start in five years. “Ssshh,” superstitious Indians fan Lindsay Berowski told reporters while placing her index finger over her lips and shaking her head briskly. When asked for further comments about the team’s impressive record, Berowski located a pen and paper and wrote, “Be quiet and please leave.” According to sources, many are blaming Wednesday’s 14-2 loss to the Red Sox on Cleveland resident Paul Eutsey, who recently rose from the chair he had been sitting in for the past month to clean off the dried urine and fecal matter that had caked itself all over his body.

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/8WBxyapQhnM/

When Area Waitress Gets A Chance

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 28 - 2011

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/r0Vh3olNMNY/

Another 15 Craziest Walmart Shoppers

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 28 - 2011


Published on Today 5/28/2011
under Strange People
– by Beverly Jenkins
- 16,058 views


TAGS: Walmart

All of these photos are courtesy of the hilarious People of Walmart.


Note to self: always check to make sure your skirt is longer than your gut.
(Link)


Way to show off your best features, m’lady!
(Link)


We’re glad to see he’s shopping for condoms. We don’t want him procreating, do we?
(Link)


Twelve packs of underwear are located in aisle 12. Please go there NOW!
(Link)


Hey, kids! Who wants to sit on the St. Patrick’s Bunny’s lap?
(Link)


This poor fellow has clearly lost his sheep.
(Link)


Every once in a while I get the nagging feeling that I’ve forgotten something….


Two pairs of pants, but no shoes. Makes sense to us!
(Link)


We’ve heard of man boobs (moobs) before, but we’ve definitely never seen a grizzled old man with breast implants!


Wait, we thought Roy Orbison was dead?!
(Link)


Tranny the Tiger.
(Link)


He must be shopping for paint for his cave drawings.
(Link)


Hmm, leopard print, tutu, or orange capris? Forget it, I’ll just wear them all!
(Link)


It’s called underwear, not overwear!


We honestly have no words….

Last but not least, check out this funny new song about the people of Walmart!

(Link)

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SARAH PALIN ANNOUNCES SHE’S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!

Posted by The Mullet Master On May - 27 - 2011

EXCLUSIVE – Sarah Palin told WWN’s Frank Lake that she is running for President in 2012!

Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin, is starting her national bus tour on Sunday.  Embedded on her bus is WWN’s Frank Lake.  Palin shocked major media outlets when, in a private interview with Frank, she said she is “absolutely running for President of the United States in 2012.”

“And I’m going to kick Barack Obama’s butt!” Palin said.

The bus tour, officially launches her Presidential bid.  It starts on Sunday in Washington at the annual Rolling Thunder motorcycle rally and will work its way north along the East Coast.  The Presidential candidate will visit other parts of the country later, stopping at symbolically important sites in the nation’s history.

Palin advisers told Frank Lake that she will stop in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina – on the bus tour.

 The bus tour will include a stop in New Hampshire.  Tim Crawford, Palin’s campaign manager declined to give more details.  He would only say, “She wants to get people fired up about her running for President.â€�

Palin told Frank Lake that she wants to win in November.  Lake told her that the election isn’t until 2012.  “Oh, well, I will win then, too.  I will win every year.  This is America. You can do anything!” Palin said.

On her web site, Palin wrote: “I’ve said many times that America doesn’t need a ‘fundamental transformation,’ instead we need a restoration of all that is good and strong and free in America!  So, I am running for President of the United States in 2012.�

Chris Christie, Mike Huckabee, Mitch Daniels and Donald Trump immediately threw their support behind Sarah Palin.

“She’s going to make a great president,” said Trump.  “And she’s hot.  That can’t hurt.  You know, hot is good. I’d hire her on that alone.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/33547/sarah-palin-running-for-president/

ASTRONAUT NO LONGER ON KIDS’ DREAM JOB LIST

Posted by The Mullet Master On May - 27 - 2011

WASHINGTON – According to The Marist Poll, children in the United States no longer want to be astronauts.

The findings are the result of a three-month telephone survey of young Americans, ages six to twelve years. For the first time in forty years, astronaut fell out of the Dream Job Top Ten.

Linda Roderer, president of Kids Employment Assessment Strategies, believes the shift is a result of NASA’s upcoming last space shuttle launch. The Atlantis mission is now scheduled to take off on July 8th  from Kennedy Space Center.

“The kids know there will be no more space walks. It’s really a shame. As far as today’s kids are concerned, the astronaut dream is over. NASA is making a big mistake. They have enough trouble with funding from a generation that watched Neil Armstrong’s walk. Imagine forty years from now, they’re not going to get a penny from these kids.�

Concern is also building within the Halloween retail sector. The American Costume Association forecasts a glut of astronaut suits, from infant to teen sizes, will sit on shelves. Bob McKenzie, regional sales manager for Seasons Costumes, speculates that kids will return to some other classic get-ups.

“They’ve just given up on the space dream. We’re making adjustments in our wholesale pricing and in-store display arrangements. We’re making a lot more room for UPS uniforms and train conductors.�

2011 Dream Job Top Ten (ages 6-12)

1.    Doctor
2.    Vet
3.    Athlete
4.    Pop Singer
5.    Firefighter
6.    Police Officer
7.    Pilot
8.    Actor
9.    Spy
10.    Model/Dietitian

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/33563/astronaut-no-longer-on-kids-dream-job-list/

Awesome Wedding Dance by Father and Daughter [VIDEO]

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 27 - 2011

Download video:Awesome Wedding Dance by Father and Daughter [VIDEO] Video Archive
Here is the link of the post if you want to share it with your friends or its code if you want to put it on your blog or site.
Link :



Hot links from the web:



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Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://izismile.com/2011/05/27/awesome_wedding_dance_by_father_and_daughter_video.html

Flying on the Wing of a Glider (7 pics + 1 video)

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 27 - 2011

Paul Steiner is a crazy skydiver who has completed a successful base jump from the wing of a glider. But before he jumped, he took an air walk on the glider’s wings. The photos are incredible and breathtouching!

 

Flying on the Wing of a Glider2Flying on the Wing of a Glider3Flying on the Wing of a Glider4Flying on the Wing of a Glider5Flying on the Wing of a Glider6Flying on the Wing of a Glider7Flying on the Wing of a Glider

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://izismile.com/2011/05/27/flying_on_the_wing_of_a_glider_7_pics_1_video.html

AUSTIN, TX—Embattled seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong held a press conference this morning to sternly reiterate that during his career he passed every easy-to-mask, ineffective doping test he was ever given. “Let me be entirely clear about this: I, like the hundreds of obviously juiced cyclists who also passed them, never failed one of those shitty tests that you can basically learn how to beat by reading Internet message boards,” Armstrong said. “I repeat: Those tests—which were easily defeated by such simple means as, say, injecting a chemical masking agent, re-transfusing blood, or creating a urine sample out of toilet water and a drop of yellow food coloring—always said I was clean. And anyone who says otherwise is a slanderer.” Armstrong concluded the press conference by challenging his accusers, saying he would retake any of his previously defeated doping tests “anytime, anywhere.”

Popularity: unranked [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/vpVuWVYx-DE/

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Google, Sprint Announce Mobile Phone Payment Service

May 27, 2011 |

ISSUE 47•22

Google announced yesterday that it would be rolling out a system in which people could pay for items with their Sprint Android phones. What do you think?

  • Now the day’s finally arrived when I can yell, ‘I just bought paper towels with my phone!’ at the grocery store.

    Gina Hooper
    Systems Analyst

  • I don’t much like this idea. What if I accidentally butt-buy a bunch of high-end salad spinners or something?

    Leon Savage
    Sugar Presser

  • I’d like to use this service to purchase a new phone, but I wouldn’t want to humiliate my current phone like that.

    Brett Andridge
    Factory Helper

Recent American Voices
  • Smallpox Destruction Delayed

    05.26.11 | ISSUE 47•21

    The World Health Organization has delayed until 2014 its decision on setting a timetable for the destruction of its storehouse of the smallpox virus.

  • California Must Cut Inmate Population

    05.25.11 | ISSUE 47•21

    The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a ruling requiring the State of California to remove at least 37,000 inmates from its prisons to reduce overcrowding.

  • Woman Arrested In Moon Rock Sale Bust

    05.24.11 | ISSUE 47•21

    A California woman was placed in custody after attempting to sell a moon rock to an undercover NASA investigator for $1.7 million.

  • Fewer Emergency Rooms As Need Increases

    05.23.11 | ISSUE 47•21

    According to a study published in The Journal Of The American Medical Association, the number of non-rural emergency rooms fell 27 percent even as ER visits nationwide rose 35 percent.

  • World To End Saturday

    05.20.11 | ISSUE 47•21

    According to Harold Camping, the founder of Family Radio, the world will come to an end on Saturday. What do you think?

Recent News »

Previous

Next

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/2V4NV3vtDas/

May 27, 2011 | ISSUE 47•22

Recent Sunday Magazine
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Statshot: Superhero Movies In Development

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 27 - 2011

May 27, 2011 | ISSUE 47•21

Recent Statshot
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    05.18.11 | ISSUE 47•20

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    05.11.11 | ISSUE 47•19

  • Why Do We Hate Billy Joel?

    05.04.11 | ISSUE 47•18

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/s3EyzjhxG7E/

World’s Most Extreme Bridges

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On May - 27 - 2011


Published on Today 5/27/2011
under Cool Places
– by Gracie Murano
- 17,824 views

The Immortal Bridge (China)

The Immortal Bridge (China)
Mount Tai in the Shandon Province of China has had cultural and religious significance for thousands of years. It is one of the five sacred mountains of China and is associated with the dawn, birth and renaissance. As you progress up the mountain you will come across this – The Immortal Bridge. This Bridge is composed of three huge rocks and several smaller ones. Below it is a valley and to the south is a seemingly bottomless abyss. No one knows quite when these enormous rocks fell into their current place but it is quite likely they have been like this since the last ice age.
(Link | Via)

The Old Bridge of Konitsa (Greece)

The Old Bridge of Konitsa (Greece)
This centuries-old bridge in Greece spans the river Aoos, which is
full in winter. If you look carefully to the right under the top of the bridge, you can see a small bell. Villagers say that when there is enough wind to make the bell sound, it is too dangerous to cross the bridge.
(Link)

The Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge (Ireland)

The Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge (Ireland)
Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge is a rope suspension bridge near Ballintoy, County Antrim, Northern Ireland. The bridge links the mainland to the tiny Carrick Island. The site is owned and maintained by the National Trust, spans twenty metres and is thirty metres above the rocks below. Today the bridge is mainly a tourist attraction, with 247,000 visitors in 2009. When it’s windy, this is truly an exhilarating experience – terrifying (if you’re afraid of heights) but exhilarating.
(Link | Via)

Royal Gorge Bridge (Colorado)

Royal Gorge Bridge (Colorado)
The Royal Gorge Bridge is a tourist attraction near Cañon City, Colorado, within a 360-acre (150 ha) theme park. The bridge deck hangs 955 feet (291 m) above the Arkansas River, and held the record of highest bridge in the world from 1929 until 2003, when it was surpassed by the Beipanjiang River 2003 Bridge in China. It is a suspension bridge with a main span of 938 feet (286 m). The bridge is 1,260 feet (384 m) long and 18 feet (5.5 m) wide, with a wooden walkway with 1292 planks. The bridge is suspended from towers that are 150 feet (46 m) high.
(Link | Via)

Inca Rope Bridge (Inca Empire, Peru)

Inca Rope Bridge (Inca Empire, Peru)
Inca rope bridges were simple suspension bridges over canyons and gorges (pongos) to provide access for the Inca Empire. Bridges of this type were suitable for use since the Inca people did not use wheeled transport – traffic was limited to pedestrians and livestock. These bridges were an integral part on the Inca road system and are an example of Inca innovation in engineering. They were frequently used by Chasqui runners delivering messages throughout the Inca Empire.

The Incas used natural fibers found within the local vegetation to build bridges. These fibers were woven together creating a strong enough rope and were reinforced with wood creating a cable floor. Each side was then attached to a pair of stone anchors on each side of the canyon with massive cables of woven grass linking these two pylons together. Adding to this construction, two additional cables acted as guardrails. The cables which supported the foot-path were reinforced with plaited branches. This multi-structure system made these bridges strong enough to even carry the Spaniards while riding horses after they arrived. However, these massive bridges were so heavy that they tended to sag in the middle, and this caused them to sway in strong winds. Part of the bridge’s strength and reliability came from the fact that each cable was replaced every year by local villagers as part of their mita public service or obligation. In some instances, these local peasants had the sole task of maintaining and repairing these bridges so that the Inca highways or road systems could continue to function. The greatest bridges of this kind resided in the Apurimac Canyon along the main road north from Cuzco.
(Link)

Palau Langkawi’s Suspended Bridge (Malaysia)

Palau Langkawi's Suspended Bridge (Malaysia)
This sky bridge spans around the gorge on Palau Langkawi, which is the largest island in the Langkawi archipelago, Malaysia. It’s suspended at 687 m above sea level, offering magnificent views of the Andaman Sea and Thailand’s Tarutao Island. The view from the bridge is really breathtaking – its curves provide different perspectives of the landscapes. The Sky Bridge is one of the most spectacular bridges in the world that delivers quite a pump of adrenaline. This unique cable-stayed bridge is suspended by only one support column. This 95-yard column is held up by 8 load-balancing cables. The curved pedestrian bridge spans 125 m across a spectacular chasm. The bridge is 136 yards long and 2 yards wide. The 1.8 m-wide Sky Bridge had two 3.6 m-wide triangular platforms that provided a spectacular viewing area for visitors. And remember when in the front of the bridge, you are standing 687 m above sea level.
(Link)

Puente de Ojuela (Mexico)

Puente de Ojuela (Mexico)
Ojuela was a small mining settlement located northwest of the city of Durango, Durango, in northern Mexico. The settlement is now well known as a ghost town as a result of the mineral ore being exhausted. The only surviving and functional structure is a suspension bridge. The bridge is known as “Puente de Ojuela” (Ojuela Bridge) by the locals. The original bridge was designed by the famous Roebling brothers, who also designed the Brooklyn Bridge. At the time of construction, the Puente de Ojuela was the third longest suspension bridge in the world. It was rebuilt recently by the Peñoles Company, the original was scrapped and only the main arches are now displayed at the Torreón Exposition Center.
(Link)

Hussaini Hanging Bridge (Pakistan)

Hussaini Hanging Bridge (Pakistan)
Known as the most dangerous bridge in the world, the Hussaini Hanging Bridge is only one of many precarious rope bridges in Northern Pakistan. For most of the citizens, the only way to travel was by walking across mountain passes to Rawalpindi. In 1978, the Karakoram Highway was completed and the region was connected, but inter-region travel remains as difficult as it was 100 years ago. Regular aspects of travel through this region include the rickety cable and plank bridges which cross Northern Pakistan’s mountain streams and rivers. Among these is the Hussaini Hanging Bridge, crossing Borit Lake in the Upper Hunza. This rope bridge is both long and poorly maintained. Many planks are missing, and strong winds shake the bridge as you cross it. It does little to ease nerves that a previous, older, broken bridge hangs in tatters next to the “new” one.

Despite its dangerous looks, however, the Hussaini is a relatively safe bridge and has become something of a tourist draw, with hikers testing their nerves as they carefully work their way across.
(Link)

Vitim River Bridge (Siberia)

Vitim River Bridge (Siberia)
This broad river is the Vitim River in Siberia, Russia. The bridge that’s provided to get you across is made of wood and not in a very good condition. It’s only wide enough for one car but it’s 570 meter (1870 feet) so it takes good 3 minutes to drive across it if you’re a skilled driver. If you’re not so skilled, you could be looking at a 15 meters drop into the Vitim River, which ain’t no fun. And that’s really nothing. Vitim River Bridge is in Russian Siberia. For those who don’t know this region, it gets brutally cold there most of the year with temperatures way below Northern Ontario and everything covered in snow and ice. This bridge turns into an icicle with no traction yet locals drive up and down this bridge as it’s often their only way across Vitim River.

(Link)

Bryce Canyon’s Natural Bridge (Utah, US)

Bryce Canyon's Natural Bridge (Utah, US)
Natural Bridge, the most popular arch in Bryce Canyon, is located 1.7 miles past Fairview Point and is visible from the Natural Bridge turn-out. The naming of Natural Bridge in Bryce Canyon caused a slight uproar in the geology circles. Even though the natural-made structure looks like a bridge, it is in fact an arch.
(Link | Photo)

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TOP 5 REPUBLICAN WIVES

Posted by The Mullet Master On May - 26 - 2011

The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!

Hottest Republican Nominee Spouse: J-Train Makes His Endorsement
You may not know this but in addition to being a Dating Advice Expert, I’m also someone who follows the political game VERY closely. The direction of this country matters to me, and I refuse to just throw a vote out unless I’ve studied every candidate intently.  I’ve even created a foolproof mathematical system to determine the best possible candidate in any given election year:

Hotness of Candidate’s Wife + Sexiness of Candidate’s Wife  = J-Train’s Vote

Think of all the great leaders this country has had: Washington, Lincoln, both Roosevelts, JFK.  Now think of their wives; fine pieces of tail, every one on them.  Not to mention we have to spend four years looking at this person on TV- thank God Barbara Bush hit the scene before I went through puberty. Since those dark days, we’ve actually been on a nice run. Hillary’s pantsuits always did it for me, Laura Bush was a complete babe, and Michelle Obama barely edged out Mrs. McCain during what I call my “Brown Period�. So when it comes time to cast my vote in 2012, I want it to be a competitive battle between the beautiful Michelle and the best Filly in the conservative race. With that in mind, I’ve compiled a list of my top five Republican Candidates (based on the hotness of their wife); with the number one spot being the ever coveted “J-Train Republican Endorsement�:

5. Carol Paul (Ron Paul’s Wife) - Ron Paul is known as “Dr. No� since he is in fact a Doctor and a politician known for voting against a lot of legislation. You know what Dr. Ron didn’t say no to? Carol’s subtle sophistication and class. She looks like that hot, experienced Grandma next door that’ll teach you the finer points of how to please a real woman while a pie cools on the windowsill. We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, want Carol Paul to rock our man-thoughts. She gets my endorsement for GILF; but this is a stacked field.

4. Gloria Cain (Herman Cain’s Wife) – Here’s what I like about Gloria  - she’s sassy. She tells you what’s on her mind and doesn’t care what you think. She say’s things like: “Nahh Uhhh, ain’t no man gonna make you!â€�, and “You got that right!â€�, and “sukki sukki nowâ€� after someone says something awesome. I also loved her when she played Carl’s Wife on ‘Family Matters’ so that may be why she got such a high spot on this list.

3. Todd Palin (Sarah Palin’s Husband) - As we all know, J-Train loves him some ladies. Here’s what you may not know about the Train, he can understand a man’s beauty. If there’s one thing that Todd Palin is, it’s a beautiful man. This is a guy who can kill a bear with his bare hands and then ride his snowmobile across the Alaskan wilderness – slamming Boone’s Farm the whole time – to manage a BP oil company. That’s a man and one I can endorse for “first husbandâ€�. I also fully support goatees.  The reason he only ranks at number three is because we are still waiting for Sarah to fully toss her heels into the ring.

2. Anne Romney (et al) (Mitt Romney’s Wives) – This was tough because Anne is a stone cold fox; she could clearly be number one on this list and secure my endorsement. What’s even more amazing is that she’s a Mormon, which means there could be ten more Annes that Mitt has waiting back at the house. I’m imagining these wild sexy parties with Mitt chasing all these girls around his house with his shirt off as they giggle and he pounds scotch. But, in reality, I own the ‘Big Love’ DVDs and I’ve seen how this drama plays out – less sex, more nag, and all those kids really cramp a Mormon’s style.

1. Callista Gingrich (Newt Gingrich’s Wife) - Callista is young, hot, and on her game but that isn’t the only reason she wins my endorsement; she wins because of Newt. He’s a stone cold lady-killer. He left his first wife while she had cancer and then cheated on his second wife with his congressional aide (and his now current wife). He sees something that might slow him down, like, you know, life-shattering diseases or menopause and, boom, he’s gone and onto the next. What a player.  If Callista so much as catches a cold Newt will drop her and a younger even hotter version of Calista will take her place (hopefully). Vote for Newt and we’re guaranteed hotness for four years, whether it’s his wife or his mistress. I know I will.

You’re Welcome,

Train.

Do you have dating questions for J-Train? … Email me!

Follow J-Train on Twitter … http://twitter.com/#!/jtrain5

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Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/opinion/33479/top-5-republican-wives/

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