Afro-Squad Magazine

The next time you plan on being a weirdo while taking the subway, think again, because someone just might snap a photo of you. These awkward, bizarre and very funny pictures were taken by stealth photographers looking to become famous, and expose their fellow strange travelers.

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Article source: http://izismile.com/2011/06/30/funny_public_transportation_pictures_43_pics.html

SELBY, SD—According to local resident Hank Tyson’s firsthand account, the 51-year-old service-shop owner was left rattled but unharmed Wednesday after engaging in small talk with a man who turned out to be Jewish. “It seemed like any other conversation at first, but once I realized he was Jewish, I could feel my blood pressure go up and everything started moving in slow motion,” said Tyson, claiming the sequence of events that followed “felt like some kind of awful dream,” from the man’s subtle gesturing to his repeated questions about how to get to I-94. “You never think anything like this will happen to you until it does.” Following the encounter, Tyson drove home, kissed his wife, and told his children he loved them.

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/r1wz_Bnvf7A/

JACKSON, WY—A simple typographical error in a proposal to set aside a scenic Big Horn Mountain valley for public recreation has resulted in the construction of the 10,020-acre Henrietta Bedford Memorial Skate Park, Wyoming Department of Natural Resources officials announced Tuesday.

Map of Wyoming

“I am pleased to dedicate Wyoming’s new skate park,” said baffled Wyoming Parks Department supervisor William DuBois, reading from a prepared statement. “This skateboarding park honors the memory of Miss Henrietta Bedford, a leading Wyoming conservationist, physician, and women’s-suffrage activist—a woman who knew the importance of nature to the radical and the sick.”

DuBois then assisted Wyoming Gov. Dave Freudenthal in cutting a ribbon stretched across the park’s 22-foot-deep, mile-long half-pipe, the largest ever installed in a state-run outdoor recreation facility.

Park officials said the typo went undetected, as it was a minor rider to the “Healthy Forests Initiative,” which granted timber companies greater access to public forests.

By the time the error was identified, state officials had already spent $43 million integrating the skate park’s numerous ramps, rails, pipes, and inclines into the natural topography of the Absaroka Range. After some deliberation, park officials voted to complete the skate park.

“No, it might not have otherwise occurred to me to build a grind rail running the length of Mount Logan’s East Ridge,” Wyoming Department of Natural Resources director James Hester said. “Nor would I have recognized the scree moraines on the south face of the Absarokas as the perfect foundation for a system of interlocking skate bowls. And I’m as surprised as anyone to see the waters of the Shoshone River running through a system of concrete half-pipes. However, the Wyoming Division of Cultural Resources, in partnership with the United States Department of Natural Resources, made a commitment, and we honor our commitments.”

Jason Westphal, 15, enjoys an afternoon of fresh air and sunshine.

Additional features of the park include a system of high-curbs and railings to replicate the natural environment of street skaters, a goofy-footed stalefish estuary on the banks of the Laramie River, and a 120-acre migration habitat intended to draw the graceful yet elusive Tony Hawk.

Although construction of the skate park has been roundly criticized by environmental groups and the majority of Wyoming’s citizens, the park has found supporters in the “extreme sporting” community.

“Without question, this is a big step in the right direction for the state of Wyoming,” said Thrasher magazine editor Jake Phelps, who praised the move from his San Francisco office. “Although I hear the park is heavily biased towards vert with only a few street elements, I think it’s a start. I hope other states will follow the precedent set by Gov. Freudenthal and consider creating ideal environments for ripping wicked fakies.”

Added Phelps: “Wyoming isn’t that weak-beer state, is it? Oh, no, that’s Utah? Razor.”

Perhaps attempting to make the best of the gaffe, Wyoming Game and Fish Department director Terry Cleveland said he sees the skate park as a positive addition to the Wyoming landscape.

“We’ll be attracting a segment of the population that might never have visited our state’s spectacular public wildlife areas before,” Cleveland said. “The debate on public land use has always been one of preservation versus access. In this case, we chose access. I only hope people keep an open mind about our decision to allow citizens the freedom to shred.”

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/EcZYBneGc50/

WICHITA FALLS, TX—Calling it an essential step toward securing the Texas border and protecting his people’s way of life, Gov. Rick Perry announced Tuesday the completion of a 1,953-mile wall designed to keep out millions of unwanted Americans.

According to Perry, the 75-foot-high barricade running along the northern boundary is the culmination of more than 160 years of escalating tensions between Texas and the United States.

Though a protective barrier has been under consideration for decades, the Texas Legislature voted unanimously to begin construction on the project immediately following the 2008 presidential election.

“As governor, it is my responsibility to do whatever’s necessary to maintain the territorial integrity of Texas,” Perry told reporters during a press conference held inside a sniper tower overlooking Oklahoma. “If you are a Texas citizen, you shouldn’t have to worry about some American coming in here, using your goods and services, and taking away your job.”

“Let the record show I have nothing personal against Americans,” Perry added. “I just think they should stay in America, where they belong.”

The wall is comprised of six security layers: a razor-wire fence equipped with motion sensors, surveillance cameras, and guard towers; a 70-foot-wide trench with expert marksmen stationed along its perimeter; a roadway patrolled by armed vehicles equipped with synchronized electromagnetic wave gradiometers to detect Americans attempting to tunnel their way into Texas; and a second, third, and fourth fence.

The final section of the barricade, a reinforced concrete enclosure containing the city of Austin, will be finished by August 2009.

“These Americans are destroying the moral and social fabric of our state,” said Rep. Chris Turner, who added that he worries when he looks around Texas and sees people from places like Pennsylvania, Iowa, and Vermont. “The man who used to repair my truck was replaced by some mechanic who moved in here from Kansas. Lately I can’t go to the store or the bank without running into all kinds of these foreigners. This wall is the only hope we have of keeping Texas safe.”

“The truth is, Americans are just different from us,” Turner added. “We don’t even speak the same language.”

According to Texas Army National Guard Brig. Gen. Tom Alford, Americans will only be permitted to cross the border if they have immediate family living in Texas, in which case they can apply for a 90-minute monitored visitation to be held inside a checkpoint detention facility.

However, Alford stressed that any American attempting to transport barbecue sauce, beef jerky, belt buckles, or longhorn cattle back to the United States will face the death penalty.

Thus far, a majority of Texas citizens support the border wall, with nearly 8 million signing up to join a coalition of Minutemen that will guard the fence.

“These good-for-nothing Americans want to come in here and wait in the same lines as me, watch the same movies, and eat at the same restaurants,” El Paso resident and border patrol volunteer Larry Carlile told reporters. “Who do they think they are? I’d never dare waltz into America and act like I owned the place. That country’s a godforsaken hellhole, anyway.”

“Round ‘em up and get ‘em out,” Carlile added. “Go back to Seattle or whatever you call it.”

Since the wall’s completion, there has been no official comment from Washington. However, sources close to President Obama said that upon being informed of Gov. Perry’s announcement the commander in chief muttered, “Thank God.”

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/YPo9ZniPGbc/

DALLAS—The Texas Highway Patrol announced that Dallas and Fort Worth, the state’s largest metropolitan area, was killed instantly during evening rush hour Monday, after their 5,104,233 vehicles were involved in a series of violent head-on, rear-end, and T-bone collisions on Interstate 30. ”This is one of the worst wrecks I’ve seen, made even sadder by the fact that these cities were so young,” state trooper Lew Pettibone said. “It’s especially painful knowing how close these cities were.” Dallas, 151, and Fort Worth, which turned 134 two weeks ago, are survived by their sister city, Arlington, and several younger suburbs.

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/j6dfj0yxlac/