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Archive for September, 2011

5 Ways to Tell You’re Getting Too Old for Video Games

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 15 - 2011

We tend to be very critical of the video game industry here at Cracked, and damn it, the industry deserves it. They charge more per-copy of their product than any home entertainment medium, and are always looking to squeeze us for more. If they don’t like being held to a high standard, tough shit.

But … a lot of the bitching I hear about games (some of which I hear out of my own mouth) isn’t really about the games. It’s about us, and the fact that once you hit a certain age, you’re no longer the target audience game makers have in mind. Here are some signs that, sadly, you might be outgrowing your favorite hobby.

#5. You Think Multiplayer is Bullshit

Hey, remember when a game was a wondrous adventure you could totally get lost in for weeks on end? Alone?

Depending on your age, there’s a good bet that in your teens at least one Final Fantasy game sucked you in with a force that no novel ever could. What happened to games like that, when the single player was a sweeping, epic story rather than five hours you could blow through in a Friday night?

“Now let me tell you the entire history of the War of the Magi.”

Of course, those games were created back when the main story was something other than a one-day crash course intended to train you up for the multiplayer. These days, multiplayer is like a “get out of a bad game free” card. Game makers don’t have to worry about AI or plot or progression or variety, because the real game is out there on XBox Live, where it’s all about players shooting each other until the time limit expires or a point cap is reached. Everything else on the disc is just window dressing for, “point, shoot, die, respawn.”

Add in gamer shit-talk from emotionally stunted teenagers, and suddenly most modern gaming is about as fun as being held down by a bully and repeatedly slapped with your own hand until you black out. And if you don’t live up to your teammates’ expectations, it’s even worse — you have to get yelled at by some stranger who thinks the veteran/n00b relationship is basically employer/employee. What I’m saying is, I’d rather fistfight a wolf than play multiplayer.

But the Truth Is…

My complaint isn’t really with multiplayer. It’s with the fact that I can’t stand teenage dipshits. Of course multiplayer games don’t have to be random matchups with children and (CENSORED)s — some of the best times you can have in a game involve gathering friends and laughing your asses off as one guy ramps the Warthog off a cliff, sending everybody flailing through the air. And the technology makes it easy to set up those gaming sessions…

… when you’re in high school.

Photos.com
“You need your own computers, dipshits.”

When you’re older, getting even four people your age together on the same night could take literally months, and requires the construction of an intricate scaffold of babysitters, vacation days and placated spouses. And then, when it finally all comes together, the novelty wears off after an hour or so and all that is left is the frustration of being absolutely horrible at the game. These games are electronic sports, they require practice. That’s why my own kids can head-shot me on the run while jumping off of a building and switching weapons in mid-air.

And you know what? Not once do I hear them complain about what a (CENSORED)job move it was for the industry to focus on multiplayer. I can whine right into their ear about how it’s bullshit to have to pay separately for an online account, and how only an (CENSORED) would pay $15 for a pack of five recycled maps. They don’t listen. They’re too busy sneaking up behind me and laughing wildly as they knife me in my old, arthritic back.

(CENSORED)s.

#4. You Think Games Are Suddenly Too Long

Of course, not every game is “beat it in an afternoon” length. The very next notch up the scale of game length is the “you will never (CENSORED)ing see everything even if you play it for three years” games. Skyrim is promising “over 300 hours of gameplay”. Games like that have endless tricks to stretch out the game experience forever and ever — from assloads of side quests, to the promise of a completely different experience if you go back and choose a different character class or skill set (see: Borderlands) .

You can always spot these bloated games immediately, because you have to invest 10 hours in the intro missions that teaches you the menus (“What, you mean Fallout 3 isn’t about a dude who spends his entire life inside this (CENSORED)ing underground vault?”).

“Press X to party.”

But more does not mean better. I didn’t have to skin too many coyotes in Red Dead Redemption before I realized I was playing a time wasting simulator. Now please, somebody tell me if this letter icon on my map will actually advance the (CENSORED)ing main story, or is just another side mission to earn $35 so I can buy bullets for the next side mission. Since when is entertainment about making the audience wander around aimlessly so you can boast about the sheer tonnage of hours you gave them?

But the Truth Is…

Boredom is a young man’s disease. For me, every minute I spend playing, more shit is piling up in my work inbox. No, I don’t need a game that will kill time. I need a game that will give me the most possible fun in the precious few hours of spare time I get in a week. Trust me, if you ever see me reopen my World of Warcraft account, it means I probably got fired from my job.

Thank you, hot mage chick. That money was really weighing me down.

And this is when I realize that these are the games I specifically asked the industry to make 15-20 years ago. Back then, one of a game’s selling points was the amount of hours it took to beat it. A 40-hour RPG was a big deal, and even after you beat it, you still wanted more. There are RPG’s I’ve beaten a dozen times. Grinding and leveling was such a “rinse and repeat” set of motions, there were times when I’d snap out of a daze and realize that I had been killing the same monsters for three hours, increasing ten levels on autopilot. I fantasized about endless games that you could just get lost in.

Well, game developers listened to the 17 year-old me. It’s just that by the time they got around to figuring out how to make a 300-hour game, I had a job and three kids, and 300 hours represents every minute of gaming time I’ll have available to me in the next three years. In other words, selling me that game is the same as taunting me, reminding me that the same obligations that let me afford to buy games also prevent me from playing them.

Photos.com
“And then you just hit the squat button to teabag him…”

#3. You Miss Game Storylines That Were Actually Compelling

When’s the last time you actually cared about what happened in a video game? Between the stiffly-acted cutscenes and bullshit recycled plots, you can’t help but wonder what happened after the golden age of Role Playing Games in the 1990s and early 2000s.

I got absolutely hooked on a series of Nintendo games called Dragon Warrior in the 1980s. Jump ahead to 1994, and regardless of the day you arrive, you’ll find me camped out in front of a Final Fantasy III (or FF VI, for you purists) marathon that lasted five years. When we got a hand-me-down Playstation, the first thing I bought was Final Fantasy 7. In 2000, it was The Legend of Dragoon, or the more aptly named “Final Fantasy with an Extra Button.”

That’s Dragoon on top. FF7 on bottom.

And what modern game can possibly match that amazing 20 minute-long ending cinematic for FFIII that wrapped up the storylines for each of the characters we’d come to know and love in the course of beating the game? And then again while beating it eight more times?

Now, all of those deep, engrossing games are gone, replaced by “point and shoot” games for the kiddies who could care less about story and just want action, action, action, hitting the “skip” button half a second into each cut scene. If they’re playing Mass Effect, maybe they keep watching to see the (CENSORED)ing.

“It’s like you dicked down the whole town… even though you got dick to go ’round.”

But the Truth Is…

Let’s go back and watch one of those cut scenes from Final Fantasy III/VI:

Huh. That seemed… way more powerful when I saw it as a teenager.

And even weirder, I watch my kids play games now that barely have a story at all, yet they’re transfixed. It’s almost like they’re seeing something I’m not. For instance, I let my kids mess around in a Grand Theft Auto game (supervised) and the first thing my son does is steal an ambulance. My youngest daughter then pretended to be injured and dialed him on her pretend cellphone. He drove the ambulance around town until she told him, “I’m there on that next block.” He’d then pull over and pretend to pick her up… and drive her to the actual in-game hospital. The whole trip, he’d bark out things he’d heard on medical dramas and pretend to save her.

“Be advised: incoming six year old female, acute myocardial infarction, BP steadily dropping…”

Wait a second. Is it possible that those old games didn’t do anything magical with their programming to create “immersion,” and that, like my kids with GTA, I “immersed” myself in those games because I was playing them at a time before I was dead inside?

I can play a zombie game now, and I just see a bunch of boring, repetitive enemies. My kids can’t even be in the same room with me — they find those games terrifying because they’re imagining themselves in the game, fighting the zombies.

“If I hear you scream ‘mother(CENSORED)er’ one more time, you’re grounded.”

The older you get, the less elastic your imagination becomes, and the less able you are to fill in whatever gaps the game leaves in the narrative. It’s why a toddler can open a birthday present and then immediately disregard the toy in favor of spending the next three hours playing with the box. If you see an adult doing that, suddenly it’s time for an intervention.

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Satire

New Law Legalizes Brandishing Guns At Head Level (Season 1: Ep 9 on IFC)

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 15 - 2011

As the host of FactZone, Brooke Alvarez is one of the world’s most recognizable news figures. Growing up in Russia, Brooke dreamed of being famous and powerful. She emigrated to U.S., erased all trace of her Russian accent within three weeks, and began her systematic ascent to the top of the news industry. The details of this rapid climb through the various lesser networks to end up at the Onion News Network was the subject of “The Devil Incarnate” a book refuted by Brooke as “the pathetic scrawlings of a bitter and jealous acne-scarred half-reporter.”

A prolific Twitter user, Brooke tweets 20 to 40 times a day, often while her guests are talking. She’s appeared as herself in more than a dozen motion pictures although there is some debate whether she understood that the words on her teleprompter were fictional and where they would eventually appear. Brooke owns five corgi dogs, her favorite food is kale, and she is married to author Thomas Pynchon.

Brooke is active in charity work, having formed a foundation to teach newscaster dialect to young urban teens. She’s politically motivated as well, publicly campaigning against wind farms whenever her schedule allows.

While the media has made much of her long-standing feuds with both Wolf Blitzer and Yo Yo Ma, Brooke insists she is easy to get along with as long as everyone understands their place.

Brooke stays healthy and happy by swimming 20 miles each day in the resistance pool in her office.

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Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/gHA_-3FSvLc/

Satire

7 Mind-Blowing Structures Built in Secret

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 14 - 2011

Humans build incredible things. Chances are good that you passed something on your way to work this morning that would make our ancestors accuse someone of witchcraft. But we never stop to wonder what awe-inspiring creation someone could be producing right under our noses, because why would anyone build something impressive and keep it a secret? Plenty of (usually insane) reasons, it turns out.

The next time you look out your window, you might be totally unaware that you’re staring right at something like …

#7. Dr. Dyar’s Catacombs

oobject

In September of 1924, a truck was driving in Washington, D.C., when its tires sank into the ground. On closer inspection, workers found that they had discovered the entrance to an intricate series of tunnels, with 6-foot ceilings and walls painstakingly lined with white enameled brick, an expensive building material at the time. For days, newspapers had a field day speculating who had built this mysterious underground labyrinth. Was it World War I spies? Confederate soldiers? Mad scientists?

thelocation
“The Morlocks want us to keep the noise down.”

Dr. Harrison G. Dyar, entomologist and mosquito expert at the Smithsonian Institution, let the speculation continue for a few days — presumably while wringing his hands and laughing maniacally — before stepping forward to admit that he had single-handedly constructed the catacombs. The first indication that he was telling the truth, and not just some crazy bug expert, was that the tunnels originated from the backyard of his former residence. But the idea that it was the handiwork of just one guy seemed impossible. The tunnels extended hundreds of feet in length and reached depths of up to 32 feet below the surface. Not only had Dyar done it all by his lonesome, but he’d also kept the project secret, starting work on the tunnels in 1906 and continuing until he moved away from the house in 1916, removing every bit of the dirt himself. In buckets.

Getty
“You think the garbage man will suspect anything if I leave this out on the curb?”

Once people got their heads around the fact that one guy had really done this all by himself, the search must have been on for all the dead people he’d dug the tunnels to store. When the tunnels came up clean for dead bodies, officials were forced to accept the fact that they were dealing with the most monumentally bored person on the planet (quite a feat at that time).

“I did it for exercise,” he said. “Digging tunnels after work is my hobby. There’s nothing really mysterious about it.”

thelocation
“You’d be surprised how much time you can find for digging when women won’t talk to you.”

His digging habit didn’t end at his former residence, either: At his new home on what is Independence Avenue today, Dyar constructed a second series of tunnels, this time featuring concrete walls, stone stairways and electric lighting, and reaching depths of up to 24 feet.

Smithsonian
And that’s where he stuck all the bodies.

#6. The Chrysler Building’s Secret Spire

Getty

In early 20th century New York City, size most definitely mattered. Corporations built towering skyscrapers for promotional value and to increase name recognition. And while claims of dick-measuring contests are overused, the phallic implications were pretty straightforward here: America’s wealthiest companies were competing to be the island of Manhattan’s biggest dick.

Wikipedia
A title held at that time by the Woolworth Building, an impressive example of neo-gothic penisness.

In 1929, two corporate behemoths began chubbing up in an effort to become the tallest building on the island. In one corner was the Chrysler Building, a shining beacon of hope for America’s unstoppable automotive industry, and in the other was the building that today is 40 Wall Street, sponsored by the Bank of Manhattan Trust. William Van Alen, architect of the Chrysler Building project, went through several revisions before arriving at a final design with a projected height of 807 feet. Just one month after announcing the final design, Van Alen learned that his former partner, the sinisterly named H. Craig Severance, had been commissioned to develop a building at 40 Wall Street with specific instructions to build something “taller than that Chrysler bullshit.” (Citation needed)

Wikipedia
“We’ll see who can aim the biggest middle finger at God.”

Both parties began designing and redesigning their buildings in a mad flurry of competitive architecture that would undoubtedly be difficult to make exciting were this story ever adapted to film. As construction on the buildings neared completion, they both looked like they would be coming in at exactly 840 feet. That’s when Severance decided to show them boys up at Chrysler who wanted this thing more, scrambling the designs they’d been using all along to squeeze another three stories and 87 feet into the Bank of Manhattan Trust building, publicly claiming the title of the world’s tallest building. But as he and the boys whooped about town having “World’s Tallest Building” mugs and T-shirts made, Van Alen was up to something. Something secret. And tall.

skyscrapercity
And a lot more pointy.

Van Alen had a 185-foot spire secretly constructed in huge ventilation shafts that were built in order to vent smoke in case of a fire. On October 23, 1929 — after Severance’s project had reached its full height and could get no taller — Van Alen had his giant steel middle finger hoisted to the top of the Chrysler Building, surpassing 40 Wall Street as the tallest building in the world and the Eiffel Tower as the tallest structure.

nytimes
“That’s right, I’m wearing a huge spire on my head
because (CENSORED) you, H. Craig Severance.”

This touched off intense debate over whether or not it counted. Critics immediately ripped into the spire as nothing more than an embarrassing gimmick. However, many architectural minds praised the overall integrity of the building, with or without a spire. The next year, everyone unanimously agreed that nobody gave a shit anymore, as a new, even taller building designed as a dock for zeppelins stole the Chrysler’s spire-shaped crown.

Wikipedia
The insults continued, with the Bank of America tower repeating
the same dirty trick in 2007 and pushing the Chrysler into third.

Of course, it wasn’t all a loss for the Chrysler, which was recently rated by architects as the most admired building in Manhattan. The Bank of Manhattan Trust building has changed hands many times since its very foundation was extended upward as part of an ultimately pointless publicity stunt, and today it is appropriately known as the Trump Tower.

#5. New York City’s First Subway

citynoise

In the 1860s, New York City’s streets were an unpleasant place to be. Crime and overcrowding were making it increasingly apparent that an alternate method of public transportation was needed.

Alfred Ely Beach, publisher of Scientific American, became one of the first people to look for the solution underground. While this seems like a foregone conclusion these days, turning the inhabitants of the biggest city in the world into burrowing creatures probably seemed like a pretty crazy idea at the time. And it only got crazier when he revealed how the first subway would work: The Beach Pneumatic Transit used the same principles as those suction tubes you’ve probably used at your bank’s drive-through, and that Callahan Auto Parts used to transport interoffice mail in the movie Tommy Boy.

citynoise
Also coincidentally the home of the first steampunk face lift.

Beach’s planned prototype for the system consisted of a single 312-foot-long tunnel 8 feet in diameter that would run down the length of Broadway from Warren Street to Murray Street. The tube-shaped subway cars would be controlled by a 48-ton fan that would push up to 22 passengers at a time between the two destinations, presumably with a satisfying “FWOOMP!” sound when arriving at and departing from the station.

citynoise
If we’re not mistaken, that guy on the left is about to be a mustache stain on the side of the tunnel.

But Beach had one major obstacle: legendarily corrupt politician William “Boss” Tweed. Since Tweed had a vested interest in keeping the aboveground streetcar companies in business and kicking money back to him, Beach knew that any proposals for developing an alternate underground system would be quickly shot down. So he instead applied for and received a permit to install pneumatic postal tubes below Broadway.

Using the postal permit as a cover, Beach put up $350,000 of his own money to fund the construction of his subway prototype. The construction was done mainly at night, in secret, and took only 58 days to construct. Once complete, the luxurious station featured frescoes, easy chairs, ornate statues and a goldfish pond to entertain passengers as they waited to ride.

citynoise
This is the design of someone completely out of touch with human nature on public transport.

Oh, and did we mention that all this was built below Broadway right in front of City Hall?

citynoise
“What? I had to build the postal tube big enough for my balls to fit through.”

Beach’s gamble seemed like it might pay off when the prototype opened to great public enthusiasm, right up until you remember that he’d spent the previous months orchestrating a covert Boss Tweed ball-stomping parade. Beach either thought he could change Tweed’s mind, or merely didn’t give a shit, but whichever it was, he was wrong. The project quickly died, and with it our childhood dreams of being shot through a tube like a giant blow dart.

#4. Boeing Plant 2

In the early 1940s, Boeing Plant 2 was one of the largest, most important buildings in the world. It was responsible for producing many of the warplanes the Allies used to win World War II, which is how Boeing Plant 2 came to be known as “the building that won World War II.” Also because factories were apparently last in line when it came time to pick snappy nicknames.

mynorthwest
“‘Nazi Asswhoop Cannery.’ ‘Death From Above Hatchery.’ Really any of these would have worked, guys.”

But for such a crucial factory, it sure didn’t look very threatening.

howtobearetronaut
The biggest building in this picture appears to be a trout farm.

Of course that was by design.

The problem with depending on one giant building to win a world war is that your enemy can drop bombs on it from as high as they want without having to worry too much about stuff like aiming and being remotely sober.

Bundesarchiv, Bild 146-1995-042-37 / Unknown / CC-BY-SA
“Pilot to bombardier … could you bring up some more Jagermeister?”

At the height of the war, the asswhup cannery had ramped up production to as many as 12 B-17 Flying Fortresses a day. Its size of 1,776,000 square feet and location in Washington state meant that it would be the first place Japanese bombers would visit if they ever decided to (CENSORED) with American soil again.

Of course, they’d have to find the damn thing first. In a decision that surely elicited a medley of harrumphing among military brass, Boeing turned to John S. Detlie, a Hollywood set designer and art director, to use his movie magic to make the very large, very obvious building less of both of those things.

howtobearetronaut
He later went on to disguise Pearl Harbor as an Oscar-winning film.

It cost a fortune at $1 million (estimated at $15 million in today’s money), but when he was done Detlie had made America’s most vulnerable target disappear under an entirely fake, 12-square-block neighborhood draped over the roof of the plant. What from the air appeared to be a normal suburban neighborhood — complete with houses, streets, trees and even hills — up close was an enormous Hollywood movie set constructed from plywood, chicken wire, burlap and a whole shitload of paint. The camouflage was so detailed that the fake roads had street signs marking them, with names like Burlap Boulevard and Synthetic Street.

stuff.co.nz
“I told you Marie, Bullshit Avenue is another block down from us.”

The set was dismantled after the war, and the materials used to build it were offered to Boeing employees for little to no cost. So today there are real homes that were built using bits and pieces of the fake ones that once served to hide the building that won the war. It also means that, for one fleeting moment in this one instance, Hollywood was as important as it thinks it is.

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Satire

JACKIE KENNEDY SECRET TAPES

Posted by The Mullet Master On September - 14 - 2011

Newly released interviews taken soon after JFK’s assassination show Â a wild side to Jackie Kennedy.

The unprecedented trove of interviews recorded by historian Arthur Schlesinger in 1964, four months after John F. Kennedy was gunned down in Dallas, was presented in a two-hour special on ABC television and published in a book and CDs set .

In more than eight hours of interviews, Jackie’s love for her husband shines through – though she does mention her husband’s infidelities.

He was “the most unselfconscious person I’ve ever seen,” she says, then aged 34.

She recounts how her deceased husband, who was 12 years her senior, used to teach their daughter Caroline how to swim, and how he would read books in the bath, at the table, and even while dressing. The president, she says, liked to take his naps in pajamas.

Self-effacingly, Jackie Kennedy also insists her role was always to serve her husband and never to enter politics herself.

“I get all my opinions from my husband… How could I have any political opinions, you know? His were going to be the best,” she said.

Her marriage, she explained, was “Victorian or Asiatic,” meaning that she did not expect independence. Her role was to create “a climate of affection and comfort and detente when he came home.”

“I think a woman always adapts, and especially if you’re very young when you get married. You know, you really become the kind of wife you can see that your husband wants,” she sad.

But that deliberately humble self-portrait is combined in the tapes with a sassy, provocative bluntness about what she observed from her privileged perch in world affairs.

She spills the beans on her husband’s apparent disdain for his own vice president, Lyndon Johnson, recalling him saying: “‘Oh, God, can you ever imagine what would happen to the country if Lyndon was president?’”

She is scathing about a string of revered international figures, calling French leader Charles de Gaulle “full of spite” and the French in general “not very nice” and “all for themselves.”

Indira Gandhi, who was to become Indian prime minister, was a “bitter, kind of pushy, horrible woman.”

And even US civil rights icon Martin Luther King comes in for her acid tongue: he was a “phony.”

In an interview with ABC, Caroline Kennedy said her own children were “absolutely horrified” at Jackie Kennedy’s apparently pre-feminism views on the wife’s role in marriage.

“Of course time has moved on and it shows you both there are many timeless things in here but it really is a snapshot of a world that we barely recognize,” Caroline Kennedy told ABC.

The book and audio set is titled “Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy.”

The tapes are full of personal bombshells, too – they reveal what was really going on in the White House while JFK was President,” said on expert, a highly placed individual in the publishing world.

They show what the Kennedy family was like, what Jacki’s personal opinions actually were and what she and other individuals really said and did behind the scenes.

Among the other revelations:

JFK seduced as many as 10 women a week in the White House, including of course, the famous movie star Marilyn Monroe. Â Jackie know abut JFK’s numerous affairs, but didn’t care because she had lost all romantic feelings for her husband.”I caught Jack with one of his women one night,” Jackie says in the interview. Â ”I didn’t bother to confront him. Â I got used
to his betrayals”
Jackie and JFK rarely made love after John-John was born. Â Jackie’s third pregnancy with Patrick was planned to help JFK win votes for the White House. After the birth and death of their second son, the pair never went to bed Â together again.
A bored Jackie dropped acid in the White House – twice.
Jackie had a hopeless crush on Actor Richard Burton and secretly wished to marry him. Â She eventually followed up on her feelings and invited him to the White House when jack was away. Â They made love in Lincoln’s bedroom.”He was my ideal man,” she wrote in her diaries. Â ”He is talented, passionate and masculine. Â He lives life fully, even though he’s in the public eye. Â He has courage – oh, how I admire that! I often wonder what my life would be like if I were married to him.”
Jackie and Marilyn Monroe once had a hair-pulling, face-scratching brawl in the Green Room of the White House. Â This, surprisingly, led to the the two women making love – in the Lincoln Bedroom.
Jackie was a chain smoker so addicted to cigarettes that she could not stop smoking even when she was pregnant.
Jackie desperately wanted to be with Elvis Presley.

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Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/38419/jackie-kennedy-secret-tapes/

Weekly World News

11 Things You Won’t Believe Governments Have Banned

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 14 - 2011

Published on Today 9/14/2011
under Misc
– by Jill Harness

TAGS: banned, governments, laws, rules, restrictions, china, banning

Australia: (CENSORED) Featuring Small Breasts

Are you an adult woman in Australia with a cup breasts? According to Australia, you don’t exist. Do you happen to be a man who likes to watch adult films starring small-breasted women? According to the Australian government, you secretly love child (CENSORED). If none of this makes sense to you, then you must not work for the Australian government or the lobbying group that helped pushed for the ban against A-cup (CENSORED) films a law, supposedly in order to help prevent the spread of child (CENSORED)ography. In other words, if this law sounds idiotic to you, then you must actually understand basic logic.
(Link | Photo)

China: Game Consoles

Most game consoles are made in China and Chinese prisoners are often forced to play World of Warcraft so the government can collect their loot and sell it to other players, which is why it seems so utterly bizarre that China doesn’t allow the sale of gaming consoles. The ban took place back in 2000, when the government expressed its concern that the country’s youth would waste their time playing games instead of working. Even so, gamers are still permitted to buy non-console games, making the ban notably ineffective –which is probably why it is not extensively enforced.
(Link | Photo)

Greece: Video Games

China’s not the only country to ban video games. Greece has too, although for a much different reason. In 2002, the government tried to crack down on electric gambling machines, but their legislators wrote the law so broadly that it managed to cover all forms of electronic gaming machines –meaning all video games. Amazingly, someone was even caught and arrested for violating the poorly written law by playing an MMO in an internet café. They were actually forced to serve time in prison for playing games.
The EU has been pushing the country to repeal the law and rewrite the matter in a way that only bans electronic gambling machines, but so far, the government has not given in.
(Link | Photo)

China: Avatar in 2D

While the army in Avatar is undoubtedly American, the idea of people siding with an indigenous population against an imperialistic force is something that China was not comfortable with. That’s why shortly after the release of the movie in China, the authorities decided the movie could only be shown in 3D. Since there are very few 3D theaters in China, the move was effectively a ban on the film.
(Link | Photo)

Russia: Emo Clothing

Plenty of people don’t like emo fashion, but while it’s not that weird for a parent to tell their kids they can’t wear that crap outside the house, it’s entirely different when the whole government takes such a drastic stand. When the Russian government was trying to stop high suicide rates amongst teens though, they decided emo fashion were to blame.
The government went so far as to dub the style “a threat to national stability” before banning people from wearing emo clothing to public schools or government buildings. Don’t worry sullen teens of Russia, you can still listen to all the forlorn emo music you want, you just can’t dress like you listen to it.
(Link | Photo)

China: Reincarnation Without Prior Consent

On the face of it, the idea of banning someone from reincarnating without obtaining the state’s permission is preposterous and something they absolutely can’t control. In reality though, the measure is their way to trying to take control of the Tibetan Buddhists (including the Dali Lama himself) by trying to rule over one of their most sacred beliefs.
(Link | Photo)

Iran: “Western” Hair Cuts

Like many Middle Eastern governments, Iran hates the impending spread of decadent Western culture. In order to better protect their people from the depraved culture of Europe and North America, the government of Iran has banned all hair cuts that are not included in their list of government-approved styles. Banned styles include mullets, ponytails and spikes. Barber shops that fail to follow the law can be shut down and penalized in the years since the law took effect.
(Link | Photo)

Saudi Arabia: Valentine’s Day

Similarly, Saudi Arabia finds Valentine’s Day to be in violation of Muslim beliefs. In order to ensure residents don’t secretly send gifts to their Valentine’s, the government orders all florists and gift shops to remove anything red or otherwise considered to be a symbol of romance prior to the holiday. Apparently the ban on the holiday isn’t entirely successful and the country now has a thriving Valentine’s Day black market where lovers can buy red roses and other tokens of romance at around six times their ordinary prices.
(Link | Photo)

Denmark: Ovaltine and Marmite

In America, it’s practically impossible to purchase milk that isn’t fortified with vitamin D, but in Denmark, this would be completely illegal. That’s because the country has put a ban on all fortified foods, effectively banning fortified breakfast cereals, Ovaltine and Marmite.
(Link | Photo)

Denmark: Most Baby Names

Fortified snacks aren’t the only thing Denmark wants to put an end to. The country also has some of the strictest child naming guidelines in the entire world. In fact, citizens of the country can only select names on a list approved by the government or they must seek permission from the government for an exception to the rule. Right now, the officially approved names list contains only around 7,000 names –about 3,000 for boys and 4,000 for girls.
(Link | Photo)

China: Jasmine

After the “Jasmine Revolutions” in Tunisia, Chinese protestors were inspired to spark their own revolution. As a result, authorities cracked down not only on the rebels, but on the flower itself. The plant is now banned in the country, as are songs about the flower and text messages including the word “jasmine.”
(Link | Photo)

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Satire

The 7 Dumbest Things About the World’s Smartest Toilet

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 13 - 2011

By:
Does Not Compute

| 112 Comments

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Your Horoscopes

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 13 - 2011

August 30, 2011

Aries: Remember, when potential employers ask you what your worst quality is, you’re bound by law to mention all those poor, poor nurses.

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Satire

SUPER EARTH FOUND WITH SUPER HUMANS

Posted by The Mullet Master On September - 12 - 2011

More than 50 new alien planets â€” including a Super Earth with Super Humans has been discovered by the European Southern Observatory (ESO).

The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 Super Earths, including one in which researchers have spotted more than a dozen Super Humans, who are at least 50 feet tall, according to researchers.

The planet, called HD 85512 b, has captured astronomers’ attention because it orbits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe for the Super Humans to make a trip to Earth.

The exoplanet findings came from observations from the High Accuracy Radial velocity Planet Searcher instrument, or HARPS. The HARPS spectrograph is part of ESO’s 11.8-foottelescope at the La Silla Observatory in Chile.

â€œThe harvest of discoveries from HARPS has exceeded all expectations and includes an exceptionally rich population of super-Earths and Neptune-type planets hosted by stars very similar to our sun,” HARPS team leader Jake Wyckoff of the University of Vienna in Switzerland said in a statement. “And what is more exciting is our discovery of human beings.Â We could see them with HARPS.”

HD 85512 b, or Planet Howdie, is estimated to be only 3.6 times more massive than Earth, and its parent star is located about 35 light-years away, making it relatively nearby. HD 85512 b was found to orbit at the edge of its stars habitableÂ zone, which is a narrow region in which the distance is just right that liquid water could exist given the right conditions.

“This is the lowest-mass confirmed planet discovered by the radial velocity method that potentially lies in the habitable zone of its star, and the second low-mass planet discovered by HARPS inside the habitable zone,â€� said exoplanet habitability expert Wendy Waldman of the Max Planck Institute for Astronomy in Germany and Harvard Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics in Boston.Â “It’s the only one we’ve seen with outsized human beings.”

“I think we’re in for an incredibly exciting time,” Waldman told WWN in a briefing today (Sept. 12). “We’re not just going out there to discover new continents â€” we’re actually going out there to discover brand new worlds and brand newÂ humans. Big humans!”

Some researchers said one of the Super Humans looked like this:

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Weekly World News

7 Famous ‘Unsolved’ Mysteries (Science Solved Years Ago)

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 12 - 2011

We at Cracked aren’t going to be satisfied until we’ve sucked every last mystery from the world like the final gurgling slurps of a milkshake. Thus, here are seven mysteries that have enthralled human imagination for decades — if not centuries — that were actually solved long ago. Hint: The solution never involves magic.

#7. The Shroud of Turin

Wikipedia

The Mystery:

It’s the ultimate religious artifact of our times, considering we still haven’t found the Holy Grail yet. According to legend, Jesus was wrapped in a burial shroud after his crucifixion, and it retained the ghostly image of his face.

The shroud, mentioned only vaguely in the Bible, resurfaced in the possession of a knight in Lirey, France, in the year 1390 and made its way across churches in Europe. It eventually ended up in a chapel in Turin, Italy, after a fire damaged it in 1532. It remains there to this day and has since become known as the Shroud of Turin.

Wikipedia
Wow, upping the contrast on a coffee stain can really work miracles.

It’s considered one of the most holy relics in existence, and Pope Benedict XVI has declared it the authentic burial robe of Christ.

The Solution:

Unfortunately, it appears that the Church has been taken in by a 600-year-old hoax. In 1988, Oxford University in England, the Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, Switzerland, and Tucson University in Arizona performed radiocarbon dating and found that the shroud was dated to around the 14th century — the same time that it mysteriously appeared.

Wikipedia
Be honest. You all wish those hands weren’t there so we could see what the King of Kings is packing.

But even if the shroud is a medieval hoax, how was it created? According to Luigi Garlaschelli, a professor of chemistry at the University of Pavia, it was pretty simple. Using a linen sheet laid over a volunteer and an acidic pigment (tactics and materials available to a 14th century forger), then artificially aging the cloth to make it appear a couple hundred years old, he and his students created a pretty damn impressive replica of the shroud in 2009.

sindonology
If the messiah was Hulk Hogan.

That very same year, an authentic tomb from the actual time of Jesus was unearthed in Jerusalem, and archaeologists found a dead aristocrat wrapped in a shroud made from far less advanced a textile than the Shroud of Turin, which seems to use weaving techniques not found in the time of Jesus. So we’d have to believe that a really rich dude was somehow unable to afford the same super-shroud as a local carpenter who died a penniless criminal.

Oh yeah, and then there’s the accusation that Church authorities in the 1300s knew the shroud was a hoax and actually had a confession from the unnamed artist who faked it.

Getty
“Also, keep spreading the word that Jesus was a white guy.”

#6. Auras

Getty

The Mystery:

The one thing that connects every new-age guru from numerologists to palm readers is that they all think that auras are a thing. And why not? We have photographs of them.

aura-imaging
Trippy photographs.

Generally speaking, auras are, you know, the manifestation of universal energy that, like, surrounds us all, man. And for a fee, professional aura readers who butcher the Papyrus font can take a look at your aura and tell you exactly what your spiritual malaise is based upon their handy color chart.

aura-imaging
“I see sadness, and also that you need to replace your camera lens.”

Those aura photographs can be taken with a kind of device that runs a current through your body. Not strong enough to kill you usually, just enough to bring out that spiritual energy. And for years, scientists didn’t know what the hell it was. Maybe it was magic.

The Solution:

Turns out it’s regular, old-fashioned sweat.

The electrical photographic method actually just brings out the outline of whatever it’s observing in a beautiful neon glow. In the case of human beings, it also captures the cloud of sweat floating around the filthy, filthy hippie in question. The effect is much more dramatic if the subject is keen and nervous about, well, having an electric current shot through his body.

aura-imaging
“Huh. Looks like you’re feeling very apple today.”

But there are some other explanations for why auras have featured prominently in iconography even before this neat camera trick. Visions of auras can be caused by defects in your own eye, brought to you by medical conditions such as migraines, epilepsy and eye burns. This is something even aura believers admit.

It also works if you rub your eyes really hard for about four minutes.

Still, there’s something to be taken home from all this — if you’re into that sort of thing, you now have a way to know exactly what color your sweat is.

#5. The Ghost Ship Flying Dutchman

Getty

The Mystery:

The legend of the Flying Dutchman dates back to the 17th century. It’s about a ghost ship that sails the deep ocean, full of lost souls who can never make port. According to the story, the Flying Dutchman sank in a terrible storm, and since that day it has drifted aimlessly (because apparently when ships are killed they also become ghosts). If you see the Flying Dutchman, it’s a sign that a terrible storm is coming to make ghosts of you and your ship, too.

As implied by the name, it actually flies. That’s how you know it’s a ghost ship and not just some regular ship you’ve mistaken for one — it’s the one that’s hovering above the water. No non-ghost boat can do that.

Wikipedia
“Phew! It’s just a regular rotting ship haunted by the anguished souls of the dead.”

The Solution:

Sailors who report seeing the Flying Dutchman have kept this legend alive for centuries because, come on, it’s a flying boat that predicts storms. How many of them can possibly be out there?

Turns out this all makes perfect sense. No, seriously. They’re just falling victim to an optical illusion called fata morgana. It’s a form of mirage that plays with light and moisture in a way that can and often will cause faraway ships to appear as all sorts of terrifying apparitions that float well above sea level. The Flying Dutchman is heavily associated with the areas that have conditions ideal for fata morgana mirages, such as the North Sea (the phenomenon is most likely to occur in colder water temperatures).

Wikipedia
Apparently, 17th century sailors aren’t the best way to objectively assess nautical phenomena.

But what about the storms? How many optical illusions do you know that can control the weather? Actually, it’s the other way around. Guess what kind of atmospheric conditions are perfect for creating the fata morgana mirage? If you guessed “the ones right before a storm hits,” you win 12 Cracked points.

Wikipedia
Cracked points are redeemable only for shotgun shells and expired peanut butter.

#4. Human Magnetism

Daily Mail

The Mystery:

Yes, we said “human magnetism.” As in, there are people out there whose job description is “sticking metal objects to themselves.” These are regular people like Aurel Raileanu and Brenda Allison, who display the uncanny ability to draw metal objects like a particular X-Men villain you may have heard of.

The Sun
Yup, Ironman.

Seriously. They have entire tournaments in which these real-world Magnetos compete to find out who is truly the master stick-shit-to-himselfer. The current champion managed to lift, get this, a 92-pound slab of stone with his skin. This is particularly impressive when you consider that stone isn’t noted for its magnetic properties.

odditycentral
Waaaaait, we can’t see what his penis is doing here.

The Solution:

Skeptics such as James Randi have found that human magnetism is simply caused by a skin condition called not (CENSORED)ing bathing.

yoyoshare
One of these years, Burning Man is going to suck a goddamn jet out of the air.

The stickiness of a suitably greasy skin and a certain amount of practice enables these people to use their skin for suction in a manner not unlike that of octopus tentacles, which also explains why they are able to attach technically non-magnetic objects to themselves.

Randi actually proved this theory on the field by rubbing talcum powder on human magnets, who instantly, magically lost their powers like it was Kryptonite.

ss133
It cost literally dollars to replace that TV.

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Satire

10 Bizarre Stories of Lightning Strikes

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 12 - 2011

Published on Today 9/12/2011
under Strange Stories
– by Gracie Murano

The entire soccer team who was killed after being struck by a lighting during a match

During a game between Bena Tshadi and visitors Basanga in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, all 11 members of a football team were killed by a bolt of lightning which left the other team unhurt. Thirty other people received burns at the match. The two sides were drawing 1-1 in the match in eastern Kasai Province when the lightning struck the visiting team. The athletes from the home team curiously came out of the catastrophe unscathed.
(Link)

The man who survived being struck by bolt 7 times and then commits suicide

The odds of being struck by lightning for an ordinary person over the period of 80 years have been roughly estimated as 1 in 3000. Yet, between 1942 and 1977, U.S. park ranger Roy Sullivan defied all odds after being hit by lightning on seven different occasions, surviving all of them.
Sullivan is recognized by Guinness World Records as the person struck by lightning more recorded times than any other human being, and gained a nickname “Human Lightning Conductor” or “Human Lightning Rod”. He died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound at the age of 71 over an unrequited love.
(Link)

The couple who was struck by lightning while they were having outdoor sex

A lightning quick sex session in a bush during a storm ended in a flash when a bolt of lightning struck the ground nearby making the earth move for the lovemaking couple. Jens Gottlieb, 36 and his 28-year-old girlfriend Lisa Gruhn had pulled into a parking space on the busy A44 motorway in the state of North-Rhine Westphalia, western Germany, and after kissing and cuddling decided to get out of the car and head into the nearby bushes to make love.
Because the nearby service station near the town of Werl was relatively busy they went a short distance into the wooded area and hid themselves in a bush where they stripped naked. They were so carried away that they didn’t stop even when thunder and lightning started to rip through the air – until a bolt of lightning struck the ground nearby. The terrified pair ran out of the bush naked and fled in a torrential downpour that followed the lightning strike.
(Link)

The 13-year-old kid who was struck by lightning at 13:13 on a Friday the 13th

In August 2010, a British teenager proved Friday the 13th can be specially unlucky. At exactly 13:13 on the much-feared date, the teenager was among a crowd of 170,000 people watching an aeronautical display at the Lowestoft Seafront Air Festival, in the east of England, when all of the sudden, he was struck by lightning. “It’s all a bit strange that (…) it happened at 13:13 on Friday 13″ said the paramedic. Luckily, he only suffered minor burns and is expected to make a full recovery.
The teen was… 13 years old.
(Link)

The biker who had his penis hit by lightning

A Croatian motorbiker will be praying that the old adage ‘lightning never strikes twice’ rings true. Unlucky Ante Djindjic, 29, from Zagreb was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a quick roadside toilet break. Djindjic said: “I don’t remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital. “Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis.”
Djindjic escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.He said: “Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually.”
(Link)

The girl who survived a lightning strike after the wire of her iPod diverted 300,000 volts

A teenage girl survived a terrifying lightning strike after she was saved by the wire of her iPod. Schoolgirl Sophie Frost and her boyfriend Mason Billington, both 14, stopped to shelter under a tree when a storm struck as they were walking near their homes. Doctors believe Sophie survived the 300,000-volt surge only because it travelled through the gadget’s wire, diverting it away from her vital organs. The teenager was taken to hospital and is recovering from burns to her chest and legs while Mason suffered damage to his eyes. Sophie will be thankful she was wearing her iPod, which she had been given four days earlier as a gift from her grandmother. Sophie and Mason were knocked unconscious by the lightning bolt while holding hands and taking shelter in a field. Mason came round and carried Sophie, who was scorched and unconscious, to a nearby road where he flagged down a female motorist who took the couple to Southend hospital. Sophie suffered burns to her body and legs, some temporary damage to her eyes and a perforated eardrum.
(Link)

The girl who was struck by lightning during a sunny day

An 11-year-old western Pennsylvania girl is recovering after she was struck by a bolt from the blue. According to Lisa Wehrle, the sun was shining when her daughter, Britney, was struck by lightning, apparently from a storm several miles away.
The lightning hit Britney as she was walking down a hill in North Strabane Township with a friend about 2:30 p.m. that day. The bolt hit her on the left shoulder, leaving a burn-like mark and exited her wrist, where it left another mark. She was treated at a Pittsburgh hospital. Doctors discovered her arm was broken, but otherwise she’s OK.
(Link)

The woman hit by lightning that exit from her bum

A Croatian woman was left with a severely burned (CENSORED) after a lightning strike which entered through her mouth left her body through her bottom. The lightning reportedly struck Natasha Timarovic’s building as she was cleaning her teeth – with her mouth to the tap, sending the current through her body. And as she was wearing rubber-soled shoes, the lightning bolt was unable to earth through her feet – so it took the next easiest route, and came out of her rectum.
It then earthed itself via her moist shower curtain. ‘It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don’t remember much at all,’ Timarovic said. A medic explained: ‘Instead of earthing through her feet, it appears the electricity shot out of her backside… if she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed.’

The medic described the incident as ‘bizarre, but not impossible.’
(Link)

The diver who was killed after his tank was struck by lightning

A 36-year-old diver was killed off a Florida beach after lightning struck his oxygen tank. The man, whose name was not immediately released, was diving with three others off a boat near Deerfield Beach. When he surfaced, lighting struck his tank. He was approximately 30 feet from the boat at the time.’
The three other divers struggled to get the man back into the boat and radioed for help. The man was then rushed to the beach where a rescue crew was waiting. He was given CPR and taken to a nearby hospital where he was pronounced dead. An autopsy was planned to determine if he died by electrocution or drowning.
(Link)

The girl who was zapped by lightning twice while in the shower

A 12-year-old girl in Gothenburg was struck by lightning twice while taking a shower during a thunderstorm. After dinner 12-year-old Alice went downstairs in the basement to take a shower when her parents heard her scream. Seconds prior to the child’s outburst two loud claps of thunder had suddenly cracked outside and the rain began to pour.
Alice had been struck by lightning in the arm but her parents did not immediately understand what had happened. The child’s mother, Cecilia Svensson, immediately went downstairs and began to help wash her daughter’s hair when Alice screamed for the second time.
“She screamed again. She was holding the metal shower hose while rinsing off.”

Although nothing else was damaged in the house, the flash lightening must have struck and travelled, live, through the pipes. “It could have gone badly,” said Svensson, who also said she learned as a child not to shower during electrical storms but that this localized storm erupted quickly.
(Link)

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Bears To Prove Jay Cutler’s Toughness By Allowing Quarterback To Be Sacked More Often

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 11 - 2011

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14 Scandalous Paparazzi Photos of Historical Figures

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 11 - 2011

The photographing of noteworthy people when they don’t want to be photographed is a giant industry these days. But it hasn’t always been like this. We asked you to take us back through history to show us some of the photographs that earlier generation failed to take due to their insistence on having dignity.

The winner is below, but first the runners up …

#14.

by GerbilBandit

#13.

by toddgrossman

#12.

by Tylorp

#11.

by Tylorp

#10.

by The Machete

#9.

by PopCultureNinja

#8.

by poetetc

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Satire

MICHELLE OBAMA IN U.S. OPEN FINAL!

Posted by The Mullet Master On September - 11 - 2011

NEW YORK — First lady Michelle Obama will play in the women’s final at the U.S. Â Open.

Michelle Obama stopped by the U.S Open yesterday and wowed the spectators with her fierce play. Â She played against Serena Williams, clocked a 105-mph serve .

U.S. Open officials – at the request of The White House – have put Michelle Obama in the semi-finals againstÂ Caroline Wozniacki. Â The White House and Michelle Obama are confident she can win her first U.S. Open title – and her first tennis match – ever.

Before her match, Obama spoke to a group of local youngsters as part of her campaign against childhood obesity.

“I know I have a talent for tennis, but I wanted to be a lawyer instead,” she said. “But you don’t have to be as good as me to enjoy it.”

Obama then went on the court and in played what was first scheduled to be a “friendly game” against Serena Williams.

“The First Lady game to play,” said Williams. Â ”I was hitting it gently to her and she was slamming them back at me. Â I started playing for real and – she kicked my butt.”

Obama will be the first First Lady to appear in a U.S. Open Final.

“I’ve been trying to get to the U.S. Open my entire life,” Obama said.

She later took in the men’s quarterfinal matches at Arthur Ashe Stadium.Â Joined by former and current players Billie Jean King, James Blake and Katrina Adams, Obama recalled that she didn’t get into tennis until after law school because there were few courts where she grew up on the South Side of Chicago. Obama praised the U.S. Tennis Association’s efforts to build kid-sized courts around the country and recruit more youngsters to the game.

Now she hopes she and her daughters will still be playing when they’re in their 90s.

“It’s a sport you can do forever,” Obama said. Â ”I love it.”

Does Obama think she can defeat Wozniacki. Â ”It won’t even be close,” the First Lady said.

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Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/sports/38280/michelle-obama-in-u-s-open-final/

Weekly World News

20 Downsides to Being a Superhero’s Parent

Posted by KrazyMan Knievel On September - 10 - 2011

Comic book movies love to show us how difficult it is to be a superhero. But what about the people around them who have to clean up their messes? We asked you to show us the dark underbelly to raising a human being with superpowers. The winner is below, but first the runners up …

#20.

by

#19.

by

#18.

by Sulaco

#17.

by Tea-Qualizer

#16.

by Taoistphoenix

#15.

by SupposedlyHuman

#14.

by Scarin

#13.

by Corey Vaspasiano

#12.

by Perusse

#11.

by mightyzamfir

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Satire

10 Neatest Monopoly Boards Ever

Posted by Cha Cha Brown On September - 10 - 2011

Published on Today 9/10/2011
under Cool Objects
– by Gracie Murano

Steampunk Electrified Monopoly

If you are a Monopoly fan, then you would love this Steampunk Electric Monopoly DIY that combines Steampunk Art, Electronics, and the popular Monopoly Board Game. This DIY Monopoly creation added some cool artifacts to the wonderful board game such as a water tower designated for the water company, ray gun for the chance cards, a steampunk train for the train stations, and also hooked up some switches to trigger when specific places are landed on. This creation adds a little extra flavor to the game we grew up on with some additional setting and interactivity on behalf of the board game.
(Link | Via)

Golden Monopoly

The world’s most expensive incarnation of the Monopoly board game is headed to Wall Street. An 18-karat gold version of the famous Parker Brothers board game will be on display beginning Friday at the Museum of American Finance. The gold and jewel-encrusted Monopoly is estimated to be worth roughly $2 million. The set of dice alone is valued at $10,000 with 42 full-cut diamonds for the number dots. All of the properties that make up the game board are also set in gems, with some 165 gemstones in total. The ‘Chance’ and ‘Community Chest’ cards are photo-etched. The notion of creating a blinged-out version of the board game came about in 1988, when San Francisco jeweler Sidney Mobell heard about a Monopoly tournament taking place in London. He called Parker Brothers (now part of Hasbro Inc.) for permission and then set to work creating the golden game, working every day for a year straight.
(Link | Via)

Circular – and Oldest – Monopoly

This round board made from oilcloth is one of 5000 made by Charles Darrow in 1933. This is the only circular Darrow Monopoly game known to still exist. It is hand coloured in pen and ink and the pieces are made of wood moulding. Darrow based his game on political activist Lizzie Magie’s Landlord’s Game which she created to point out social injustice at the turn of the last century. Darrow produced his game, set in Atlantic City, during the Great Depression when he was out of work and had a family to support. He sold the rights to Monopoly to Parker Brothers Games in 1934, putting an end to his financial worries.
(Link | Via)

Electronic Banking Monopoly

Still playing with Monopoly money? That’s so, 2005. Now, you can play Monopoly with debit cards. Game makers Parker have phased out the standard multi-coloured cash in a new version. Players will instead use a Visa mock debit card to keep track of how much they win or lose. It is inserted into an electronic machine where the banker taps in cardholders’ earnings and payments. It has 6 pewter pieces including a Segway personal transporter, an Altoids tin, space shuttle, flat-screen TV, baseball cap and a dog in handbag.
(Link | Via)

Communist Monopoly

It’s not quite the perfect fit – the ultimate capitalist board game and left-wing politics – but the creators of the new communist version of Monopoly, Queue, think it could be a big hit. Officials at the Research Institute in Poland have come up with the concept, which will see players tasked with buying a list of essential items like bread and toilet paper. Rather than try to force other players into bankruptcy, though, Queue will encourage them to line up in an orderly fashion to get into state-owned shops. Doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as building a property empire, does it? Still, the game’s creator Karol Madaj believes it will be a valuable educational tool – and fun too… probably. ‘The game not only makes players understand shopping in Poland under communism. It also teaches them what queueing is like – something people seem to have forgotten,’ he said. Sounds brilliant, right?
(Link | Via)

Fallout Monopoly

Elisabeth Redel made a Monopoly game for her boyfriend fashioned after the video game Fallout! The streets are locations from the game instead of Atlantic City. Even the cards are Fallout-oriented.
The board was printed on a 50 x 50 cm PVC plate. Every street is a location from the Fallout game. “GO” is now “G.O.A.T.” and “free parking” is the “please stand by” screen. Every card has one of the Fallout3 or Fallout New Vegas perks on it and has a really cool old playing card image on the back.
(Link | Via)

Klingon Monopoly

Finding the perfect gift for the geek in your life may be a difficult task, especially if that geek has everything he needs or wants. But if your geek can’t get enough of Star Trek (in spite of the several costumes he or she has in the closet for special occasions), then here is the best thing that you can get. Enter the new limited edition of the classic board game Monopoly. Star Trek Klingon edition. It really can’t get any better than that for Trekkies, can it? The details of the entire game – properties, what the game board looks like, and so on – have not yet been revealed.
(Link)

iPad Monopoly

After decades of pointless video game adaptations Monopoly has finally found its natural home on the iPad. The game mimics the real thing beautifully on the iPad – thanks to iPad’s awesome display. The author of the game is Electronic Arts, that’s a really good hint to sum up how the game might be. Just brilliant and very entertaining!
(Link)

There Will Be Monopoly

Do you love There Will Be Blood? Do you wish that there’s some sort of a board game to go along with the movie? Something that you can play while drinking some milkshake? Well, fret not. Here’s There Will Be Monopoly.
(Link | Via)

World’s Largest Outdoor Monopoly

In San Jose, near the Children’s Discovery Center in Downtown San Jose’s Guadalupe River Park and Gardens, lies Discovery Meadow, home to the Guinness Book of World Record’s acknowledged largest permanent outdoor Monopoly Board. Built in 1992 by the San Jose Cypress Granite and Memorial, it was originally for an exhibition at that year’s San Francisco Landscape and Design Show. San Jose Beautiful purchased the set after the show, eventually housing it in Discovery Meadow which opened in 2002.
The board is 930 square feet. Each corner piece weighs 246 lbs and each standard side piece comes in at 140 lbs. Players play with gigantic dice, wear large token shaped hats simulating the car, the shoe, and other standard Monopoly pieces, and even have to wear prison uniforms if they are unfortunate enough to “Go Directly to Jail”.
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