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Mrs. Butterworth’s Bottle Central To Terrifying LSD Experience

ISSUE 35•22 |
06.09.99 | News in Brief

ATHENS, GA—An anthropomorphic container of Mrs. Butterworth’s-brand maple syrup took on nightmarish qualities for University of Georgia sophomore Kevin Duffy, 20, Tuesday during a harrowing, LSD-induced hallucination. “She was talkin’ to me, man,” the visibly shaken Duffy said following the four-hour experience. “I was zoning out on the linoleum patterns in the kitchenette when I heard this soothing, matronly voice. Then I saw her, gently gliding across the countertop and gesturing eerily with her tiny, translucent arms.” Duffy’s terror, he said, reached a fever pitch at approximately 4 a.m., when the parameters of four-dimensional space-time began closing in around him “like a waffle iron.” “She took off the top of her head, man,” Duffy said, “and there was this amorphous, semitransparent mass inside, sticking to me no matter how hard I tried to escape.”
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Mrs. Butterworth’s Bottle Central To Terrifying LSD Experience

ISSUE 35•22 |
06.09.99 | News in Brief

ATHENS, GA—An anthropomorphic container of Mrs. Butterworth’s-brand maple syrup took on nightmarish qualities for University of Georgia sophomore Kevin Duffy, 20, Tuesday during a harrowing, LSD-induced hallucination. “She was talkin’ to me, man,” the visibly shaken Duffy said following the four-hour experience. “I was zoning out on the linoleum patterns in the kitchenette when I heard this soothing, matronly voice. Then I saw her, gently gliding across the countertop and gesturing eerily with her tiny, translucent arms.” Duffy’s terror, he said, reached a fever pitch at approximately 4 a.m., when the parameters of four-dimensional space-time began closing in around him “like a waffle iron.” “She took off the top of her head, man,” Duffy said, “and there was this amorphous, semitransparent mass inside, sticking to me no matter how hard I tried to escape.”
more»

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/nRT09GpYT0s/

Related posts:

  1. OFFERMAN, GA—After realizing she waved good morning to the wrong squirrel, Kiera Boyd recovered by coughing a bit and pretending to fix her hair.
  2. Report: Male Hair Loss 7 Times More Painful Than Childbirth
  3. Actor Sometimes Feels Silly Pretending To Be Someone Else
  4. Can Of Soda In Freezer Realizing Owner Never Coming Back For It
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