godaddy analytics

Afro-Squad Online Men's Magazine

News, Satire, Videos, Humor, Pictures, and More!

Author Archive

World’s Longest Wall Completed

Posted by admin On May - 8 - 2011

PEMBROKE, IL—The Bernstein-Grey construction company announced the completion of the world’s longest wall yesterday, putting the final touches on the single greatest feat in U.S. architectural history. The Big Wall of Pembroke, a joint effort between the town’s beautification committee and the board of tourism, measures a full 23 1/3 feet long by 11 2/3 feet tall by 36 inches thick. Its construction began in December 1995 and ended yesterday amid great fanfare and excitement.

“No one has built a wall of this size and scope in the history of the world,” said Bernstein/Grey president Arthur Bernstein, who personally oversaw a project that was largely scorned by the U.S. architectural community. “I challenge anyone to even attempt such a grand wall.”

As all 2,300 residents of Pembroke gathered at the wall’s base for a ceremonial ribbon-cutting, Mayor Arty Leucking addressed the crowd.

“We are very, very pleased with the wall,” Leucking said. “There were plenty of naysayers in this community, people who doubted its feasibility. But their protests are forever silenced now that the finished wall has been unveiled. It is indeed a mighty, even ‘great’ wall.”

Added Pembroke alder Kate Dermot: “The wall is huge. If there is a wall this large anywhere else, I’ve never seen it, and I’ve been all over the tri-county area. It’s even visible by helicopter, provided you don’t go too high.”

From the outset, the Big Wall had the trappings of an engineering impossibility. Architects the world over were consulted, but all but one turned down the project for undisclosed reasons. The job was eventually accepted by Bernstein-Grey, a prestigious firm based in nearby Grainger, IN. The firm submitted and saw rejected nearly two dozen designs before a final plan was agreed upon.

“We were very nervous about the scale of the wall, its sheer enormity,” architect Ken Millin said. “Consequently, we were overly cautious in our design. We submitted plans for a 15-foot wall made of plastic, a 19-foot wall made of ceramic-covered aluminum, and a 20-foot wall made of a uranium shell with a liquid mercury-based ore center. They were all turned down because they were too small.”

The final design employs a series of interlocking blocks of fired clay stacked atop one another and covered with an experimental plaster substitute.

“That design we knew was a keeper,” Millin said. “It combines architectural dynamics the world has never seen—something that is going to last 10, maybe 20 years of harsh southern Illinois winters.”

Despite the overwhelming excitement surrounding the wall, its construction was not without problems. In January, a strong wind destroyed two-thirds of the structure. Although there were no injuries, a full eight feet of the wall had to be rebuilt.

Further tragedy marred the wall in early March, when construction worker Bart Meadows, who was working at the top, fell off his ladder. He suffered a bruise to his shoulder and scraped his knee on a pebble.

“It hurt a lot,” Meadows said. “I had to go get a Band-Aid, and for the next week, every time I lifted my arm it was kinda sore.”

Even when the Big Wall was proposed, a dream of a small but dedicated group of boosters, opposition within the community nearly derailed it.

“It wasn’t that they couldn’t see the necessity for the wall,” Dermot said. “It’s just that a project of this magnitude had never been conceived before. A wall this large? Impossible!”

The Big Wall has spawned a number of businesses selling memorabilia, including T-shirts with slogans such as, “You saw a bigger wall where?” and “I went to the Big Wall of Pembroke and here’s a T-shirt that proves it.”

Now that the wall is complete, plans will commence for new, four-sided hollow structures for human habitation, allowing Pembroke residents to leave their dank cave dwellings.

Said Leucking: “The only glitch is that the proposed structures have a propensity for letting in rain. Once we solve that, we will be able to live in comfort and ease until our God comes down and takes us home.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/FTryXWc5cjM/

First Gay Horse To Run In Kentucky Derby Pulls Out

Posted by admin On May - 8 - 2011

Bluegrass, Kentucky – Uncle Mo, the first openly gay horse to ever run in the Kentucky Derby, has been scratched due to illness and will not be running on Derby Day.

Uncle Mo’s owners and jockey expressed sadness and dismay that Mo, a pack favorite, had to pull out prematurely.

“We’re disappointed, but Mo’s health comes first.”

The news rippled through the stables, deeply affecting several closeted gay horses who had befriended Uncle Mo in the past few months. Mucho Macho Man, Pants On Fire, Twice The Appeal, Stay Thirsty, Midnight Interlude and Comma To The Top were all seen crying copious horse tears in the paddock.

Rumors swirled that Uncle Mo and Mucho Macho Man had a wild night just before the race, thus causing Mo’s exhausted state this morning.

The owner of Mucho Macho Man denies this, saying that he and Mo were “just good friends” and there was no “horsing around whatsoever” last night. All horses were specifically told to get a good night’s sleep, no heavy drinking, and especially no homosexual relations.

The owner of Pants On Fire says he doesn’t believe it.

“All the gay horses loved to party, and Mucho Macho Man was one of the wildest. Pants On Fire knows the truth about this, but he can’t speak out, his mom, Blissful Ignorance, doesn’t know his status as of yet.”

Whatever the real story may be, we wish Uncle Mo all the best in his recovery.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i95611

Christina is our fourth Babe of the Week.  She hails from Florida, and she apparently lives in the Tampa area.   If you would like to have more Babes of the Week, please leave your comments and Like us on Facebook.

From Web-Pedia:

In 2006, Christina Lucci became an anonymous Internet Phenomenon after posing for a t-shirt site, wearing slogans such as “Not everything is flat in Florida” and “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I have huge boobs.” As the t-shirts did not contain any information about her, those slogans (mostly the first – tank top – one) became the search terms of choice.

Popularity: 77% [?]

What are Collard Greens? Soul Food Sunday

Posted by admin On May - 8 - 2011

Collard greens are a staple vegetable of southern U.S. cuisine. They are often prepared with other similar green leaf vegetables, such as kale, turnip greens, spinach, and mustard greens in “mixed greens”. They are generally eaten year-round in the South. Typical seasonings when cooking collards can consist of smoked and salted meats (ham hocks, smoked turkey drumsticks, pork neckbones, fatback or other fatty meat), diced onions, vinegar, salt, and black, white, or crushed red pepper. Traditionally, collards are eaten on New Year’s Day, along with black-eyed peas or field peas and cornbread, to ensure wealth in the coming year, as the leaves resemble folding money. Cornbread is used to soak up the “pot liquor“, a nutrient-rich collard broth. Collard greens may also be thinly sliced and fermented to make collard kraut, which is often cooked with flat dumplings.

Popularity: 2% [?]

FREEDOM FIGHTER FRIDAY SPECIAL!

Posted by admin On May - 7 - 2011

Freedom Fighter Friday Special

We want to honor our soldiers over seas for their capture of America’s Most Wanted. Bat Boy salutes their continued pursuit to fight for our freedom. Through their actions, justice will always be served and our freedom will always be protected.

In honor of their sacrifice, we now offer our Bat Boy Bundle at an incredible new-low price of $29.95.

When you order the bundle you will receive our Bat Boy Book, Bobblehead and T-Shirt.

Together these items normally retail for over $50 US dollars.

This is a savings of over 40%

The offer is only good today through Sunday.

Only one Bat Boy Bundle per customer.

Act now and get a super deal in the name of freedom!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/32770/freedom-fighter-friday-special-2/

OSAMA BIN LADEN SPOTTED IN IRAN!

Posted by admin On May - 7 - 2011

BREAKING NEWS – Osama bin Laden was spotted in Tehran yesterday!

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, startled the world this morning, by announcing that Osama bin Laden is alive and well and living in Tehran.

Ahmadinejad says bin Laden is living comfortable inside a guarded compound north of Tehran. He is surrounded by his third wife and a few children. He keeps a low profile, is allowed limited travel and, in exchange for silence, is given a comfortable life under the protection of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard.

Just yesterday Al Qaeda leaders confirmed that Osama bin Laden was dead, but Ahmadinejad brushed off that suggestion.  “Osama and I have been watching Fox News and CNN the last few days.  We find the fictitious stories coming out of Washington laughable.”

Ahmadinejad said that Osama bin Laden has been in Tehran since 2003.

The White House was quick to respond.  “We knew all along that there would be conspiracy theories, and doubters.   The Iranian president can indulge in his fantasies, but Osama bin Laden is dead,” said Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary.

Ahmadinejad called Carney an “American idiot” and went on to say that Carney and the White House had “changed their story about the killing of Osama bin Laden eighteen times since Sunday.”

Iranian leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, also went on Al Jazeera to also state that Osama bin Laden was alive.  “He is relaxed and healthy,” said Khamenei.  “He is ready to fight again.”

Americans around the globe are outraged at Iran’s claim, but not surprised.  “Ahmadinejad is just panicking – he knows he’s next!” said Tommy Flanagan of Newton, MA.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/32779/bin-laden-spotted-in-iran/

Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures (25 pics)

Posted by admin On May - 7 - 2011

If you have kids hope and pray that they don’t decide to let their hair go unwashed and twist it into dreadlocks. This collection of confused young people, and a few older ones, will likely make you keep plenty of shampoo on hand.

 

Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures2Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures3Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures4Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures5Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures6Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures7Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures8Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures9Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures10Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures11Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures12Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures13Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures14Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures15Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures16Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures17Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures18Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures19Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures20Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures21Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures22Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures23Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures24Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures25Nasty Tangled and Matted Dreadlock Pictures

Popularity: 2% [?]

Article source: http://izismile.com/2011/05/07/nasty_tangled_and_matted_dreadlock_pictures_25_pics.html

Daily picdump [WEEKEND EDITION] (89 pics)

Posted by admin On May - 7 - 2011

@asdda But it isnt. You can completely change your body in 6 months with effort, and 3 years should reap more than that.

All credit to the guy though, he did something that many dont. I guess that he may have only returned after 3 years due to cost or whatever, but it isnt an impressive picture.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://izismile.com/2011/05/07/daily_picdump_weekend_edition_89_pics.html

<!– GA_googleFillSlot(“1x1_specialreportlogo”); –>

On Commissioner Goodell Being Booed Mercilessly Throughout The NFL Draft

May 6, 2011 |



  • “I think it’s mainly because the Jets fans kept thinking Pete Rozelle was going to come out every time.”



  • “Well, to be fair, he did mispronounce almost every single name for the third straight year.”



  • “Behavior like this is why Billy Crystal turns them down every year.”

Recent News »

Previous

Next

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/AgPXC3ao4Zw/

May 6, 2011

Recent Sunday Magazine
  • 30 Trees Under 300

    04.29.11 | ISSUE 47•17

  • It’s Aunt Lisa’s Birthday Today

    04.22.11 | ISSUE 47•16

  • Our Elderly Wildlife Issue

    04.15.11 | ISSUE 47•15

More Sunday Magazine
  • Changing The Way We Think About Mental Illness: Anyone Really Up For Doing That?

    01.08.10 | ISSUE 46•01

  • America’s Richest Pets

    12.07.07 | ISSUE 43•49

  • Our Nation’s Heroes

    02.08.08 | ISSUE 44•06

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/OQf5nqrlGHk/

TEMPE, AZ—Local research assistant Rob Greenfield descended into anger Tuesday after not being able to name the actress he saw in an ad for Revlon CustomEyes mascara. “Come on, come on, I know this—Jennifer, Julie something?—I want to say Jessica Alba, but it’s obviously not her,” said Greenfield, whose frustration continued to mount throughout the commercial break and well into the next segment of Hawaii Five-0. “F*CK, this is going to kill me. It’s the girl from The Illusionist.” As of press time, it was Jessica Biel.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/ABVLnHsdx1w/

MADISON, WI—An attempt by old college friends to relive a fun night out from more than 20 years ago went perfectly Friday, with no one involved experiencing the innate futility of trying to recapture the glory days of their youth, sources later confirmed.

The group of former best friends—who met outside their old sophomore dorm, went to the Plaza Tavern, drank $2 pitchers of beer, and sang along to the 1990 Jane’s Addiction song “Been Caught Stealing”—said they felt as hopeful and invincible as they did two decades earlier, and that at no point did any one of them stop to think that what they were doing was absolutely pathetic.

“At first I wondered if an attempt to reclaim our former glory would force us to come to grips with the inevitable passage of time and the sad weight the intervening years has placed on each of us,” said 42-year-old John Colvin, adding that the former classmates hardly talk anymore and lead completely different lives now. “But no, it was perfect. There were no long, uncomfortable silences or melancholy realizations that we can no longer relate to one another. And at no point did anyone go to the bathroom, look at himself in the mirror, and finally accept that things just hadn’t turned out the way he’d hoped.”

“We hit the late-night burrito place, flirted with college girls, and weren’t humiliated by any of that,” he added. “It was fun.”

According to Colvin, the group began planning the night on Facebook, an act that didn’t make them feel desperate or pathetic in any way. In addition, three of the friends said that having to drive 90 minutes to recreate one night from their 20s was “awesome” and “great” and in no way demoralizing.

Walking through the quad to Ian’s Pizza along the exact same route they took in 1991, the men passed their old haunts and remarked on how they once again felt as if their entire lives were ahead of them—free of painful divorces, unrewarding jobs, and the sleep-apnea breathing masks two of the five now wear because of their obesity.

The young college students surrounding them, they said, did not give them the urge to immediately turn around and go home out of overwhelming embarrassment.

“The best part is that we never came off like creepy old men, and we never felt as if the potential we once had to do great things was now lost to the cruelty of time,” real estate salesman Tom Hammond told reporters, adding that Friday night would always be remembered fondly and never regretted as a bad idea. “It’s really reassuring to be able to recreate one’s younger days so effectively and accurately. I didn’t cry or become overwhelmed with shame or anything.”

“When we finally made it to the Tavern and started dancing, I didn’t feel anything like a sad and empty shell of my former self” Mark Snyder, 42, said. “Nope. I was 21-year-old Mark again. And smiling whimsically when I hear the words ’21-year-old Mark’ doesn’t suddenly make me grimly aware of my own mortality in any way, either.”

Witnesses told reporters that the middle-aged men did not seem out of place or awkward, and said they never once questioned if maybe the grown adults should be at home with their families. Onlookers noted that it was hilarious, and not at all depressing, when the 40-year-olds began shouting the same college cheers they yelled in the early 1990s.

“They were awesome,” said waitress Samantha Jefferies, adding that she was flattered when the group inquired about her major and whether or not she had a boyfriend. “And when they asked me to take a picture of them posing in the same exact way they did for a photograph back in 1991, they certainly didn’t come off as trapped in a very sad self-delusion.”

The assembled group of balding, paunchy men reportedly ended the evening in the same spot they did years earlier and exchanged similar high fives.

According to sources, the men looked very cool doing so.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/mZvo9jxI644/

LAS VEGAS—Mixed martial artist Phillipe Nover announced design plans Thursday for a new T-shirt that he claimed would be completely covered in hundreds of dumbshit fighting terms and stupid F*CKing tribal patterns. “This shirt will feature a rambling assortment of worthless violent images and words, like ‘grapple’ and ‘slam,’ all thrown together in the most unappealing colors possible,” said Nover, adding that graphics would include spray-painted angel wings, laughing skulls wearing crowns, random splatter marks, and other images so idiotic they could only appeal to 8-year-old boys from Long Island or emotionally undeveloped middle-aged men. “It’s going to look like two Ed Hardy shirts F*CKed and vomited on each other. I can guarantee it will be the stupidest, ugliest T-shirt ever made.” When asked if the inside tag would also feature an unsightly design, Nover admitted he had not yet thought of that but would be sure to include “machine guns or naked lady silhouettes or something else that’s stupid.”

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feeds.theonion.com/~r/theonion/daily/~3/GYQsnqN-nqA/

Wayne Rooney kidnapped!

Posted by admin On May - 7 - 2011

Rating:

“, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0) );
try
{
tips = tips.concat( extraTips );
}
catch( e )
{
tips = extraTips;
}

eval( “var stars” + 955710 + ” = new Array(”,’staronsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ”)” );

Share/Bookmark

Print this

Friday, 6 May 2011

image for Wayne Rooney kidnapped!
Rooney kidnapped and Man United get the “Blues”!

Man United souperstar, Wayne Rooney, has been kidnapped. It seems that after the Man United whitewash against the hopeless Krauts called Schalke 04, Wayne Rooney was kidnapped on the doorstep of his luxury mansion in full “Monty” after fulfilling his maritial obligations with Coleen and not a luxury whore?

Wayne, driving home in his Ferrari after the “Deutsche” debacle, was last seen being pursued by a strange looking London Cab filled with Russian speaking kidnappers.

After entering his mansion and ripping off his clothes because he’d already text messaged Coleen to be prepared and put the baby to bed; the London cab pulled up and rang the bell. Wayne, gasping for breath and his trousers around his ankles opened the door and was promptly kidnapped.

Coleen testified to the police stating they smelled of vodka and rushed off southwards.

A message was issued later by the Chelsea Fanzine, “Blue forever as long as Abramovich pays the bills” in perfect Russian:

“We have Rooney, he’s safe, Abramovich has nothing to do with this kidnap, he just gave us $10000 each, he will be released after Sunday’s clash of the giants and Chelsea must win!”

No ransom has been asked and Abramovich has distanced himself from any involvement in the kidnap apart from supplying the vodka and offering the referee another $10000.

Make Jaggedone’s day – give this story five thumbs-up (there’s no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!


Print this

“, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0), new Array(“”, 120, 33, 0) );
try
{
tips = tips.concat( extraTips );
}
catch( e )
{
tips = extraTips;
}

eval( “var stars” + 955711 + ” = new Array(”,’staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ‘staroffsel’, ”)” );




Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i95571

4 Romantic Books to Disgust and Annoy Your Lover

Posted by admin On May - 6 - 2011

Some articles require a lengthy explanation in order to give the reader a context in which to view them. This is not one of those. What I am doing here is simple: I’m proving, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that romance guru and best-selling author of 1001 Ways to be Romantic, Gregory J.P. Godek is the stupidest, laziest waste of stem cells to ever “write” a book. Every time Godek’s semeny, pizza-covered fingers touch his keyboard, the world’s collective I.Q. drops.

Romantic Fantasies

Other Sexy Ways of Expressing Your Love

This book focuses on the sexy side of romance. And since Godek’s idea of sexy is puns and massaging his lover while she digests Papa John’s, that can really mean anything.

Godek’s wife is so closed up that he has to have sex through a funnel. He calls it a quickie because he can only get it in if he has enough distance to build up to full speed.

Yes, Godek suggested you have sex in front of a cardboard cutout of a celebrity and pretend they’re watching. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s batshit F*CKing crazy or because even first base feels filthy when Michael Jackson is there. My biggest problem with this advice, aside from the fact that it’s nuts, is that it makes me stop sex every 3 minutes. Because every time I take my eyes off him, I have to go over and check if the real Jean-Claude Van Damme secretly switched places with the cardboard Jean-Claude Van Damme. He probably didn’t, but oh my god, what if he did!?

Good eye, Godek. You noticed some sexual meaning in a song called “Deeper and Deeper” on an album called “Erotica.” But you know what I noticed? I noticed that you suddenly stopped in the middle of your sex advice book to review a Madonna album. Let’s hope your wife is less observant than me, sailor.

Five minutes to shop for lingerie, Godek? Not all of us can just walk in and scream, “My wife will take your largest pair of panties! And a pizza of her choice!” And I don’t think men are allowed to sprint through a lingerie store grabbing underwear. That’s probably the very first thing mall security guards are trained to stop.

She’ll love that! I have a feeling you’ll soon have it down to zero!

Great. Now she either has to figure out a polite way to guess “butt hair and pickles,” or we sit here all night with her eating pickles out of my ass.

When Godek and his wife leave a restaurant, all the silverware they touched has to be destroyed. There is so much pubic bacteria on their hands that hailing a cab is like hitting it with 50 wet diapers.

I give Godek a lot of shit for being a goddamned idiot, but look right there: he managed to figure out that the most popular lingerie chain in the world sells lingerie. Which means, hold on… if he thinks we don’t know what a Victoria’s Secret is now at #123, then why did he suggest we charge through one grabbing panties at #38? This F*CKing guy is up to something.

Well yeah, Godek, that’s just common sense when you’re married to a cockatrice. But I just bought a Jose Canseco cardboard cutout to watch me make love, and I’ll be damned if I’m going let it go to waste by closing my eyes. Wait a minute, why is Godek trying to get me nude and blind around Jose Canseco?

What could be more romantic than a word, selected at random from all of language? Statistically speaking, almost all things.

“It’s time for our lovemaking, lover. Get the dictionary. And prepare yourself for… for…

diÃÃ÷arÃÃ÷rheÃÃ÷a [dahy-uh-ree-uh] -noun an intestinal disorder characterized by abnormal frequency and fluidity of fecal evacuations. Well, here we go, honey.”

Surprise, bored married couple. You just got Godek’ed.

Romantic Dates

Ways to Woo Wow the One You Love

This book claims to be filled with fun ideas for dates, but most of it is lists of Top 40 love songs. The dating tips aren’t even clever enough to be called obvious. If you know what food is and how to get to it, you’ve already learned everything Godek will ever teach you. However, his stream-of-consciousness style does give primatologists an unprecedented look at monkey brain logic.

Godek re-used this tip four years later in his book Enchanted Evenings because it’s the best thing he’s ever thought of. Gregory J.P. Godek is the reason the terrorists hate our freedom. Mohammed Ahta was just some Lutheran named Mike Jenkins playing miniature golf before Godek and his wife showed up.

What is this nonsense, Godek? A list of places you can go to not be the biggest P%$$y in the room? Locations where they haven’t thought to crack down on child predators? I thought you were writing a book about romance; this is neither romantic nor writing. You F*CKing hack idiot, you couldn’t write the instruction manual for a butt plug.

I like how Godek just assumes we also like to date 5-year-old boys. This idiot has got to be the only man alive who thinks drawing a connection between a song about choo-choos and an actual choo-choo is clever in any way. It’s like scientists built him out of the worst qualities of scrapbookers and sex offenders.

These romance tips are so moronic that I’m kind of getting the idea that anyone can do it.

Step One: Buy your lover a Milli Vanilli album.

Step Two: Spend the night blaming the rain together.

See? Nothing to it.

Because a fish course always tastes best when it’s served on a toilet. If I ever had any doubt that Godek wasn’t just typing any damn thing that popped into his head, it’s officially gone.

That’s adorable, Godek. You know, when your wife finally beats you to death, this is what her lawyer will use to clear her name.

Truly that’s sound advice that will stand the test of time.

There is so much sperm in Godek’s leftovers that he needs an abortion doctor to defrost his freezer.

Talking to a woman on Superbowl Sunday!? But that’s a day associated with male gender roles! Oh, where is a female standup from the ’80s when we need one! Waitwait, I’ve got one: Those men. Let me tell you, my husband pays so little attention to me when the Superbowl is on, I’ve started leaving maxi pads in the toilet just so he’ll scream at me during bathroom breaks.

Let me tell you about the hatred I have for Godek. He writes like it’s the side effect of a stroke. He is so witless and humorless that 83 of his puns have charged him with rape. When he and his wife get naked, they’re more pizza than flesh and that’s not even why birds try to kill them. My hate for him is so personal, so vivid… and I earned that sweet hate over the course of a dozen of his F*CKing dumbass books. So I’m especially pissed off that there’s a waiter out there watching him pretend to be a German tourist, and in five seconds he’ll hate Godek more than I ever can.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Article source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/CrackedRSS/~3/4KP8K34EVZY/

Twitter Updates

    VIDEO

    TAG CLOUD

    Sponsors

    About Me

    We are the Afrosquad

    Pimp O Ganda

      Pimp O Ganda

      Photos