Nation’s Disenfranchised Finally Rise Up, Demand Justice, Are Denied It
01.12.12
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Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category
Nation’s Disenfranchised Finally Rise Up, Demand Justice, Are Denied It
On January - 12 - 2012
If Famous Pictures Were Used in Ads for Modern Products
On January - 11 - 2012
We’ve seen Apple use famous images of visionaries in their ad campaigns. We asked you to show us what would happen if every modern product took that idea way, way too far. The winner is below, but first the runners up …
#24.
by ivecomehomenow
#23.
by hoozits
#22.
by Hysterium
#21.
by Stabby
#20.
by roguematt
#19.
by Berain
#18.
by Trishkabibble
#17.
by spaceman300
#16.
by TheLeedsMango
#15.
by Son_Of_Severin
#14.
by Sedthsret
#13.
by Seadhgosa
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One Of Those (CENSORED)ing People Wins New Hampshire Primary
On January - 10 - 2012
CONCORD, NH—With the majority of precincts reporting, sources are now confirming that one of those (CENSORED)ing guys—one of the ones who wore a suit on television and talked a lot—has won the New Hampshire primary, beating five or six of the (CENSORED)ers he was up against. “To be honest, I don’t really know which one of those cocksuckers I voted for, but I think it was the (CENSORED) with the hair,” New Hampshire resident Pete Harris told reporters. “I can’t remember his name, but he was the only one who looked me in the eye and didn’t immediately make me want to throw up.” Following announcement of the results, sources said one of the (CENSORED)s is probably considering dropping out, another one is probably continuing on, and who really gives a flying (CENSORED)?
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10 Radical Books That Changed the World
On January - 10 - 2012
Published on Today 1/10/2012
under Misc
TAGS: books, revolutionary, kama sutra, free ebooks
Ever since the dawn of civilization, human beings have been collecting their thoughts on cave walls, stone tablets, papyrus, and in an ancient device once known as a BOOK. Oftentimes, publication of these items caused a seismic shift in the norms of their day, and society was forever changed. Nowadays, books don’t exist, of course, BUT you can now download these revolutionary tomes to your e-Reader of choice. Oh, and they’re FREE!
Plato’s Republic by Plato
Anyone fancy a bum tickle?
Those nutty Greeks – when they weren’t traipsing around in bed sheets or engaging in man-on-boy love, they were often waxing philosophic about the nature of society. How it was radical: Plato outlined basic human morals and a just society through dialogues with his contemporaries. What it influenced: The entire LAW ORDER series – that big enough for you??
(Link)
The Kama Sutra by Vatsyayana
I think I just got a home run!
It’s the world’s first dirty book – this Ancient Hindu text was like the Penthouse Forum of its time. It described 64 sexual acts in lurid detail (pictures were inserted later – get it? Inserted?!) How it was radical: Was the first sex manual to describe all the bases – THOUSANDS OF YEARS before baseball was even invented!!! What it influenced: Baseball.
(Link)
The Rules of Association Football by Ebenezer Cobb Morley
Before this book came along, football games (aka soccer for you ‘Mericans) were just a bunch of drunken hooligans fighting, minus the football part. After this book, everybody at least had something to riot about! How it was radical: Set down the rules for modern football, which are still in place today. What it influenced: Every drunken idiot that paints himself in his team’s colors.
(Link)
Philosophiae Naturalis Principia Mathematica by Sir Isaac Newton
Ok, we’ll admit we never read it – not that we would even understand it, anyway, but supposedly this dude took some numbers and was able to figure out why apples fall from trees. How it was radical: People stopped bullshitting about the principals of the universe. What it influenced: your math homework.
(Link 1 | Link 2)
Common Sense by Thomas Paine
Everyone always thought he was such a Paine.
This little title was like the Harry Potter of its day – but instead of Lord Voldermort, you had the jerky King of England and instead of a teen wizard casting spells, you had this guy spouting on about freedom from tyranny, and instead of, well… you get the idea. How it was radical: Convinced the average Joe that becoming an independent nation was a good idea. What it influenced: The American Revolution.
(Link)
Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
This guy was an f-in genius. He figured out how to merge romanticism and realism in his transcendent free verse, delivering poetry to the masses. Needless to say, he was up to his beard in poontang. What was radical: He ushered in a new era of contemporary poetry. Who was influenced: Usher.
(Link)
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
This intrepid reporter set out to detail the harsh lives of the immigrant workers, but most people only cared that these filthy immigrants were dying on top of the meat. Why it was radical: Exposed the disgusting conditions of meat packing plants. What it influenced: “All Employees Must Wash Hands” sign now in every restaurant and slaughterhouse in America.
(Link)
The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
When this novel burst on to the scene over 100 years ago, most books were about waistcoated pansies or petulant whores. H.G. Wells literally invented the genre of Science Fiction, as well as stimulating the imagination of countless children who would grow up to become inventors, physicists, or Trekkies. Why it was radical: No one had yet written a book about alien invasions. Who it influenced: Tom Cruise
(Link)
A Vindication of the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft
This chick wrote the first manifesto for the Women’s Rights movement. In it, she claimed that women were not property, deserved to have an education, and were, in fact, human beings. Believe me, that took some, er, balls. Why it was radical: Challenged the structure of patriarchal society. Who it influenced: Lil’ Kim
(Link)
Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Speaking of badass black bitches, this chick takes the cake. Her book exposed the terrible scourge of slavery, and its publication helped spark the Civil War. It became the best selling novel of the 19th Century. Why it was radical: Gave slaves a voice. What it influenced: Civil rights.
(Link)
Guest post by Stephen Moramarco.
The Wealth of Nations
by Dominic on Today 1/10/2012
0 votes
Adam Smith magnum opus – basis for capitalist economies.
(Source)
the origin of species
by jeremey on Today 1/10/2012
5 votes
In the eyes of any religion, this is the most radical book you can find. How it impacted us: develop(…)
(Source)
Mein Kampf
by Edis Tursic on Today 1/10/20126 votes
The book that definitely changed the world. The book that lead to mass hatered and prosecution of Je(…)See More Contributions…
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Drew Barrymore Tragically Photoshopped On Magazine Cover
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6 Math Errors That Killed People
On January - 9 - 2012
If there are any children reading this, there’s really only one thing we want to tell you about adulthood: If you make one tiny mistake, people will die.
Don’t believe us? Let us share these tales of completely forgivable design mistakes that cost lives.
#6. An Airliner Crashes Due to Square Windows
In the 1950s, companies were making the first foray into jetliners, and leading the pack was the de Havilland Comet. It was a state-of-the-art jet with many never-before-seen features, such as a pressurized cabin that allowed it to fly higher and faster than other aircraft.
Unfortunately, in 1954, two Comets disintegrated midflight for no apparent reason, killing 56 people total. In retrospect, the name “Comet” was a bad choice.
retrothing.com
Although it was superior to de Havilland’s first choice, the “Murder Bird.”
The Laughably Simple Flaw:
It had square windows.
This is one of those things that is easy to miss (the designers missed it, for instance) but easy to understand once it’s explained.
Here’s a Kit Kat style candy bar. Where would you say this thing is most likely to break when pressure is applied?
seriouseats
Along the willpower line, probably.
Right there at those sharp notches, obviously. That’s why they’re there, and it’s why no one builds important structures out of Kit Kats.
Well, a square window is made up of four 90-degree notches cut out of your wall, creating four of these weak points. You don’t need a diagram — if you have brick or stucco on your house, go outside and look. You’ll find cracks there, protruding right from one of those sharp corners:
Getty
To fix, place head in bucket of sand and hum loudly.
In engineering, that sharp corner (or groove in the Kit Kat) is called a “stress concentration,” a spot where the shape of the object makes it more likely to break under stress.
You don’t want the red bit.
So if you’re an airplane maker, how the hell do you fix that?
Well, have you ever noticed how on every plane you’ve ever been on, the windows you look out of have rounded corners? Those curves are pretty much the only thing keeping the plane from tearing itself apart in midair like in that scene from Fight Club. It distributes the stress to all of the various points along the rounded curve, rather than on that one sharp corner, which otherwise would (as they found out) tend to pull apart and form a crack over time.
Trust us, this was not easy to figure out. Experts had no idea why the planes weren’t holding together until they tested the structure by simulating the repeated pressurization of the cabin. Sure enough, the fuselage eventually burst like a bootleg condom, and the break started with cracks right at those window corners.
Getty / plane-crazy
Top: Safe and enjoyable ride. Bottom: Explosive Caesarean section.
Representatives from competing companies Boeing and Douglas both said that their engineers hadn’t thought of it either, and that if the Comet hadn’t been first, it would have been one of theirs that crashed. Planes have had windows with rounded corners ever since.
#5. Fighter Jets Crashed Because of the Angle of the Runway
You don’t have to be a pilot to guess that landing on an aircraft carrier is really (CENSORED)ing hard. It’s a tiny little landing strip crowded with other planes, bobbing up and down in the waves. Keep in mind, this is with a whole host of instruments, computers and signals to help guide planes in. The early planes didn’t even have that.
But there was another problem …
The Laughably Simple Flaw:
Here’s what the earlier carriers looked like. Couldn’t be simpler, right?
It’s a floating runway. How else would you design it?
Well, that design was kind of a suicide factory. As you can see, planes waiting to take off sit at the other end of the runway you’re trying to land on. If you don’t get stopped in time, you’re going to create one hell of a fireball. And getting stopped in time was no small thing — catching the arresting wire (the thing that stopped the plane) was a tricky business. Eventually carriers went with the cartoon-logic solution and installed barrier nets to stop planes if they missed all the wires. However, it wasn’t all that uncommon for aircraft to bounce over the barrier.
militaryvideocom
Like skipping stones over a pond, if the pond had sharks and you had no arms.
So what was the brilliant innovation that allowed them to make landings that much safer?
They angled the landing strip about nine degrees.
Wikipedia
And as the Navy learned from trailer parks, double-wide is always better.
Don’t laugh — it took years to come up with it. While some of the greatest technological advances in history, including space flight and splitting the goddamn atom, came from developments during World War II, we didn’t think of angling the flight deck until 1952. Prior to that, every landing was a potential rear-end collision.
By angling the deck, a plane that missed the wires could go to full throttle, take off again and come around for another pass. Planes waiting to take off are near the bow, out of harm’s way.
See? Absolutely no planes in the way.
Angling the deck also allowed for the tactical advantage of being able to launch and recover aircraft simultaneously, whereas in WWII, launching had to be postponed while landings were occurring, and vice versa. Who knows how many lives could have been saved if someone had thought of doing this about 10 years sooner.
#4. A Huge Walkway Collapses Due to a (Seemingly) Inconsequential Design Change
When designing their newest hotel to be built in downtown Kansas City, the fine people at Hyatt Regency wanted all the bells and whistles in it. The architectural firm in charge of the building design came up with a series of aerial walkways suspended from the ceiling so that guests could people-watch from a heightened vantage point. All in all, it was a pretty nifty feature. Until it suddenly collapsed and killed more than a hundred people.
Wikipedia
“We can claim these were either terrible walkways or aggressively efficient elevators.”
The Laughably Simple Flaw:
One long rod was replaced with two short ones.
If there’s one principle consistent across all human nature, it’s that we will always prefer the path of least resistance (i.e., “if you can get away with a half-assed job, do it”). The original plan was for two walkways that were directly on top of one another to both be supported by one very long rod that would anchor into the ceiling. Like so:
This is a highly technical diagram.
Looks pretty simple, right? It all hangs off one long rod, which makes it strong, but also makes it a pain in the ass to assemble — the rod has to extend through both walkways and then alllll the way up into the ceiling. Just in general, big pieces are hard to work with — what’s easier, to carry a whole assembled desk into your house, or a series of small pieces? The rod also has to be threaded all the way along its length so you could screw that nut up to that top platform spot.
Got to be an easier way, right? So, the steel company in charge of making the rods made a design change by replacing the single rod with two shorter ones, shown below.
The guy with the hat is Rodney, a multimillion-dollar investor. The other is Nutter.
Easier to work with, easier to install, works exactly the same. Right?
That little change killed 114 people, injured 216 more and cost $140 million in lawsuits.
Look at the first image again.
Nutter has an idea for an FTL drive, but also a tool that injects bacon with peanut butter.
One rod, two nuts. Each nut only has to carry the weight of its own platform. Which is good, because each nut (and the welded beam it’s screwed to) is only rated to carry the weight of one platform.
Now look at the second image. See the nut we’ve labeled “OH SHIT”?
The twain shall never meet, and civilization is hollower for it.
That one single nut now has to carry the weight of BOTH platforms, and all the doomed tourists standing on them. Look obvious? Congratulations, because none of the professionals at either company caught it.
And so, one night during a dance competition, the stressed “OH SHIT” nut cleaved clean through the beam and the walkways collapsed.
Wikipedia
Considering this was 1981 and something called a tea dance, we’re willing to rule it a suicide on the part of the building.
During the ensuing lawsuits, it came out that neither the steel company nor the engineering firm in charge of construction had even bothered to do a back-of-the-envelope calculation that would have shown them this glaring flaw.
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TV Listings: Called It!
On January - 9 - 2012
CBS
10 p.m. EST/9 p.m. CST
Chad and Kristen hook up just like you knew they would, while the storyline you predicted two weeks ago about Paige being the one who spread the rumor of Raven being pregnant is revealed.
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17 Video Games in Venn Diagram Form
On January - 8 - 2012
Most forms of entertainment come down to combining and recombining the same old ideas. Video games are a breath of fresh air in that respect. The fact that they’re constantly working with new limitations, combined with Japan’s influence have made it the source of some pretty startling originality. That hasn’t stopped them from using the “this meets that” approach at times. We asked you to sum up some of those times via Venn Diagram.
The winner is below, but first the runners up …
#17.
by mistersarcastic
#16.
by semanticsophist
#15.
by Tylorp
#14.
by westcogitans
#13.
by Thunderchin
#12.
by Shanus426
#11.
by Corey Vaspasiano
#10.
by kempj
#9.
by JoeDailey
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10 Unusual Jello Creations
On January - 8 - 2012
Published on Today 1/8/2012
under Amazing Art
The Big Apple never looked so good…as a miniature Jell-O City!
(Link)
Now you can invite all your zombie friends over for dinner and not disappoint.
(Link)
Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle….Yes your Jell-o never looked so good – probably the breast you’ll never have.
(Link)
You may be hard up for a good dessert idea, but this floppy treat is sure to delight your guests as they gaze at your talents in the kitchen.
(Link)
Now you can practice your alien autopsy skills before you get that job you always wanted, working at a secret government lab.
(Link)
This is so groovy but please don’t pass the gravy, for this turkey is made of gelatin.
(Link)
Nothing like having your own face staring back at you as you sit down at the dinner table. Take a bite, see how you taste.
(Link)
Jesus Christ! That just isn’t right! But it would be a sin if you didn’t plop one of these on your buffet plate.
(Link)
Yes We Can!….Finally a dessert you can believe in! Take a bite of the 44th President of the United States, Barack Jell-Obama. Photo by Raphael Brion.
(ViaPhoto)
Impress your geek friends with this replica of Han Solo frozen in gelatinous carbonite. May the force be with you!
()
Guest post by Andy Hochman.
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If Stupid Movies Were Remade as Oscar Bait
On January - 7 - 2012
With a slew of critically acclaimed sequels in 2011, Hollywood appears to be taking stupid movies very seriously. While they probably won’t win any Oscars, seeing a Planet of the Apes prequel on The New Yorker’s list of the top 10 movies of the year made us wonder what it might look like if Hollywood started remaking its stupidest movies with award season in mind.
The winner is below, but first the runners up …
#27.
by Corey Vaspasiano
#26.
by roguematt
#25.
by tonarg
#24.
by mcjiggles
#23.
by ralphmiller
#22.
by Hungadunga
#21.
by roguematt
#20.
by maas
#19.
by roguematt
#18.
by SKBOriginals
#17.
by seanhogan
#16.
by Tim Babb
#15.
by PeterBanning
#14.
by CountBaqula
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7 Charming Amenities of the World’s Grossest Motel Room
On January - 6 - 2012
Hello. My name is Adam Tod Brown, and I’m new here. Well, not technically new, I’ve written a few things in the past that you might be familiar with. But I recently accepted a full-time job as an editor and columnist here at Cracked.
Also, I’m living in a shitty motel room right now.
Sorry if that last sentence shatters your illusions of what kind of fame and riches await a person who ascends to the very heights of dick jokery by landing a job with the most successful failed magazine of all-time. I assure you, it’s not as bleak as it sounds. For starters, when I say I’m living in a shitty motel room, I just mean right now, as I’m writing this. If there is a God (and a fat check from Cracked coming on Friday) I’ll be out of this dive in a few more days.
How I ended up here is not the story. At least, it’s not the story right now. I have no doubt that I’m more than enough of an (CENSORED) to share those details with the world at some point. But it won’t be this day. Right now, there’s only one story here, and that’s the room itself.
More specifically, the charming amenities of the shitty motel room I’m living.
#7. The Shower Curtain That’s Way Too Small for the Shower
I know this isn’t the greatest photo. I’m sorry about that. Accepted photography standards fly out the window when you’re standing in a bathroom that has an extra shower head that dispenses syphilis. Just joking, it doesn’t have that. The fact that you’ll catch syphilis in this room is just implied.
Anyway, that goddamn shower curtain. As you can see, there’s a little bit of extra shower rod there in the upper right corner of the picture. That’s because, despite what everything you learned in school may lead you to believe, there are no laws of physics in place that are capable of keeping this sheet of yellow-stained plastic stretched far enough to adequately cover the entire shower. I sometimes stand in awe of it during my weekly shower, liter of vodka in hand, still partially clothed, watching water gleefully penetrate the shower curtain’s meager defenses and splash to the floor.
I can’t begin to tell you how many tricks and techniques I’ve employed to try and get this thing to stay in some kind of useful position. But no matter what I try, it just snaps back into the same ineffective stance you see in the picture. By the time I’m done showering, the amount of moisture on the floor is rivaled only by the 8 inches of standing water in the bottom of the tub that will still be working its way down the drain when you finally read this.
#6. The Sketchy Neighbors Across the Hall
Pimp and prostitute? Drug dealers? All of the above? I’m not 100 percent sure which side of the crime spectrum the shady looking couple staying in the room across from me fall on, I just know that between the approximate hours of 9 a.m. – 4 a.m., that room is one endless parade of visitors.
The routine is always the same. First, the dude leaves. I know this to be the case because, well, I (CENSORED)ing watch them through the peephole sometimes. Sue me. Entertainment is scarce in a place like this. Anyway, dude leaves and a few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door. This visitor is always a male. Always. Said gentleman caller usually stays for about 30 minutes and leaves. A few minutes after that, the male occupant of the room returns. Repeat to infinity.
So, they’re either selling drugs or selling sex or selling both. Whatever the case, I’m not happy about it. I mean, seriously, only when I’m at my absolute brokest do a drug dealer and a prostitute move in across the hall from me. It’s like being on the verge of starvation while watching a pizza commercial (which, coincidentally, is exactly what I’m doing as I type this).
Just joking. I’m not that desperate (yet). And here’s something else I’m not desperate enough for …
#5. The “Continental Breakfast”
Like any respectable house of prostitution and reasonably priced weekly motel rooms, this joint does indeed offer guests a “continental breakfast” each morning. In this case, the feast is available between the hours of 6am-10am. The biggest problem there lies in the fact that, given my current circumstances, the chances of me waking up from the previous night’s blackout prior to 10am are slim to none. But, as luck would have it, there was a day earlier this week when I didn’t manage to stumble my way to bed until well after 6am. So, being sort of awake and only moderately disoriented, I decided to investigate this “continental breakfast” firsthand to see what treasures it held.
To the best of my recollection, the following items were available:
-A Plexiglas container filled with a cereal that vaguely resembled Froot Loops
-A carafe of powdered milk
That’s it. Not a donut, bagel or English muffin in sight. Toast? (CENSORED) toast. Just a pile of sure to be stale Froot Loops and a big jug of disgusting powdered milk.
If any of you reading this grew up immersed in the wonders that only a life of poverty can provide, then you know what kind of animal powdered milk is, and you know that no self-respecting adult would willingly consume that shit. Not even one staying in a motel room that has a prescription for Valtrex posted on the door right underneath the fire escape map (which I think is from a different building altogether).
#4. The Cozy Sitting Area
Sometimes, a person just needs a quiet place to sit and reflect. If that person is living in a shitty motel room like I am right now, rest assured, their “place to go” options are sparse. Usually, it just means getting out of bed and walking to the other side of the room. What you see in the above photo is what you’ll find on the other side of my shitty motel room. Isn’t it just quaintest?
I must admit, I’ve never actually sat here and I plan on burning that computer bag and the earwigs almost certainly infesting it the second I’m gone. But still, in a dive like this, it’s a nice effort. And as you can clearly see, those industrial strength plaid curtains are unique in their ability to keep the room completely dark whether they are open or closed. That’s craftsmanship you could only find in the 1940s when those curtains were made.
Also, heads up, rapists. I think the locks on the window are just for show.
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12 Hilarious Summer Pictures
On January - 6 - 2012
Published on Today 1/6/2012
under Misc
– by Gracie Murano
- 28,738 views
Planking or sunbathing?
Hot in Vegas.
(Link)
Meet the Grinch of summer.
(Link)
Sunblock failure.
(Link)
And you think that skin cancer is the only bad thing that can happen to you while sunbathing?
(Link)
Worst mom on Facebook: Laying OUT.
(Link)
But it’s too hot outside…
(Link)
Birds feel it too!
(Link)
I wish I could see the big, dog-shaped white bit on his butt when the bloke gets up!
(Link)
The best place to sunbathe! I bet this happened in a Wal-Mart parking lot.
(Link)
Bake cookies in a car? You betcha! In Amarillo, the temperatures soar to over 100 degrees, and about 200 degrees in a closed car. Brittany Nunn of the Amarillo Globe-News baked chocolate chip cookies in her car. They took quite a while to bake, but the car smelled wonderful afterward.
Ghetto sunbathing.
(Link)
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10 Coolest Flooring Designs
On January - 4 - 2012
Published on Today 1/4/2012
under Cool Home Design
– by Gracie Murano
Optical Illusion Floor
This optical illusion carpet, spotted in a Paris video game store, provides an illusion of a vortex floor.
(Link)
Leather Belt Floor
(Belt) strapped for cash? Forget ‘affordable’ for a minute and just imagine the curious combination of feeling aged leather beneath your feet, and the look of vintage belts lining the floors of your home. Leather flooring is fairly unusual, but these upcycled belt designs are unique – each one hand-crafted and with individually-selected old belts.
OK, but the price? Over 600 dollars for the round mat shown above from BranchHome and over 70 dollars per square foot for the floor tiles from Ting.
(Link | Via)
Penny Floor
A floor literally tiled with thousands of copper pennies… it’s pretty surprising to look down and see them when you walk into The Standard Grill in The Standard Hotel, New York. The design was selected by the restaurant’s designers, Robin Standefer and Stephen Alesch of New York design firm – Roman and Williams.
(Link)
Radiant Heat Floor
Take off your shoes and feel the warmth coming up through that radiant heat flooring. It’s not only one of the coolest ways to get warm (no pun intended), but it’s also really energy efficient because, unlike traditional heating systems, you don’t lose the heat. With traditional baseboard heating or forced hot air heating, a lot of the energy you use to heat your home is wasted because much of the heat produced is immediately lost. But with radiant floors, that warmth is transferred directly to you as you come in contact with the floor. And it takes advantage of something we all know – hot air rises – so when the heat is generated underneath the floor, it does what it’s supposed to, which is go directly up. Aside from the fact that it keeps your indoor temperature up, and your heating bills down, it’s just plain fantastic.
(Link)
Aerial Photo Floor
Check out the Flying Carpet next time you’re in Sacramento. Created by California-based artist Seyed Alavi, the carpet is an aerial view of the Sacramento River as it flows for 50 miles, between the California towns of Colusa and Chico. The 18-foot-wide, 150-foot-long image is woven and dyed into the carpet covering a walkway that connects the main parking lot and Terminal A. Alavi won a competition of more than 100 artists that submitted proposals for upgrading the walkway.
(Link)
Salt Floor
Every once in a while, though, we run across someone who has taken the industry to a whole new level. Japanese Artist Motoi Yamamoto has found his medium in grains of salt – billions and billions of them. Yamamoto adheres plain table salt to floor surfaces, creating extremely intricate patterns landscapes. The result is pretty amazing and can be a dizzying optical illusion if you stare too long. To prep, the artist draws the most complex mazes and labyrinths imaginable, plotting out his design.
His creations are for exhibition only and aren’t meant for permanent floor design, which is fortunate, because it’d take just one mildly rude friend to undo hours upon hours of work.
(Link)
Puzzle Floor
This floor is something that stands out from the crowd. The new Puzzle Floor elicits expressions of surprise and amazement. A perfect solution for children’s bedrooms, but not only. Available in 13 colors, the tiles can be mixed for unique, personalized installations.
(Link)
Human Traffic Floor
Alistair Bramley’s Dimension laminate flooring is a futuristic take on laminate floor design. The patterns are created using the natural movement of people within a set environment. Obstacles such as furniture are incorporated into the floor design. Video footage of how people used the room space was captured, processed and then printed onto the floor. This takes bespoke flooring to the next level.
(Link)
Etched Floor
Some prefer the raw texture of hand-scraped hardwood floors, while others want the modern look (and low costs) of laminate wood flooring. These patterned wooden planks provide artistic relief somewhere in between – an honest contemporary take on classic material and installation approaches.
This decorative flooring series from Mafi provides a fresh outlook on manufactured floors, etching designs that range from abstract floral patterns to playfully embossed stick figures. The pre-engraved slats are shallow enough not to collect dirt and dust (at least in theory), but deep enough to be felt underfoot by bare feet or with socks – each features a darker ‘burned’ look or a consistent surface treatment where variation is seen only by reflection, light and shadow.
(Link)
Interactive Floor
Billed as the world’s first truly “sustainable dance club”, Club Watt is based in Rotterdam in the Netherlands and aims to use 50 per cent less waste and 30 per cent less energy than a typical club. To achieve its goals, it’s working to the green guidelines of a non-profit organization known as the Sustainable Dance Club.
As well as generating energy, the dance floor has an interactive element. As you dance, its appearance changes through the LED lighting embedded in the panels, which are made from recycled materials.
(Link)
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4 Evolutionary Explanations for Modern Annoyances
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Soren Bowie is on assignment in the jungles of South America. Filling in for him today is Los Angeles based writer Joe Donatelli.
At some point, your appendix was vital to your survival. Well, not yours in particular. Yours is useless. But humanity’s collective appendix was an evolutionary advancement that kept the species alive. The trouble with evolution, however, is that it’s painfully slow. Sometimes long after the threat is gone the solution still lingers, wasting space and getting in the way. The following are four metaphorical appendixes we’re still forced to deal with daily despite how annoying they might be. At one point each of these social evolutionary steps was the glue to our civilization, but we’ve come a long way since then, and now they’re just sort of annoying.
#4. Women Take Forever to Leave Parties
Let me preface this by saying that it comes from first-hand experience. I have a lot of time to think about how women take forever to leave parties because I spend a lot of time standing in doorways watching my wife and her friends take forever to leave parties.
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“Wait, there might be someone in the bathroom I haven’t said goodbye to.”
Women say goodbye to the host, to their friends, to people they’ve met that night and even to strangers. In fact, when it comes to strangers, the saying of goodbye often becomes the saying of hello, which leads to the conversation they should have had during the party, which goes on for minutes, which finally ends with a second goodbye.
With her friends, it’s not enough to say goodbye. Compliments are exchanged. Promises of phone calls and emails are made. Dates are set for future rendezvous. Goodbye is not just goodbye. Goodbye is “I love you and goodbye and let’s plan when we’re going to see each other again and goodbye again.”
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“My boyfriend is already in the car. We’ve got another half hour of nitrous balloons until he gets pissed.”
For those of you keeping track, that’s two goodbyes apiece for friends and strangers, plus more planning than took place before the Yalta Conference. Finally, 20 or 30 minutes after my wife and I had the “Ready to go?” conversation that all couples have before leaving parties, we go.
When I’m at a party with my friends, I do the polite thing: I thank the host and leave. I do not say goodbye to anyone else unless they meet one of the following requirements: 1) They have been my best friend since we were 5 years old 2) They are dying and if I say goodbye now it will save me a trip to the hospital later.
I then drive home safely.
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Passing out at parties is harder when you have to find couch space for a second person.
When I leave a party with my wife I get in the car and mash the pedal so hard our windshield looks like the Millennium Falcon making the jump to light speed because I was ready to leave an hour ago and want to get the hell home now. Meanwhile she’s in the passenger seat on the phone calling all of the people from the party she didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to.
There might be a very good scientific reason for our diametrically opposed goodbye techniques.
In research published by Daniel Balliet, Norman P. Li, Shane J. Macfarlan and Mark Van Vugt of the American Psychological Association in Psychological Bulletin, men cooperate better with other men than women cooperate with other women. Researchers reviewed 272 studies containing 31,642 participants in 18 countries. Each study contained one social dilemma. In a social dilemma experiment, two or more people must choose between short-term self-interest and long-term group interest. The research revealed that women were more likely to cooperate when men were involved and women were less cooperative than men in same-sex situations.
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“We’ll get right back to those Q3 numbers once Sandra closes her giant,
gaping vagina to every man in a three-block radius.”
This reminds me of the BBC’s Walking with Cavemen, a documentary that featured a shocking amount of caveman dong and also explained how cavemen lived. The men walked together. They hunted together. They scouted together. They fought in war together. It was in their interests to get along. The cavemen from the documentary were just like the guys from Entourage, with the main exception being that Vincent Chase is the only caveman dong on that show.
In the documentary, when a female named “Lucy” joined the group, she took a fancy to the alpha male in the group. The females, naturally, hated her guts and said things like “oog” (translation: “She’s fat”) and “ghuh” (“I hear she is on drugs”) and “pit” (“(CENSORED)”) and “pit-pit” (“Total (CENSORED)”).
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You don’t even want to know what “sloog” means.
Lucy was ostracized by the females until the alpha female took Lucy under her wing in an attempt to keep her away from the alpha male. Because things like convents and boarding schools and Cheaters had yet to be invented, the alpha female eventually discovered Lucy and the alpha male overcoming their third-date jitters next to a boulder.
Eventually Lucy would die of random bludgeoning (random bludgeoning being the No. 1 cause of death in those days), but not before she gave birth to the alpha male’s baby, forcing the females in the group to choose between legitimizing the baby by raising it or leaving it to die with its (CENSORED) mother, therein providing the inspiration for the first Lifetime original movie.
Lucy would go on to have a lucrative career as a corpse.
Evolutionary psychologists believe we are at least partly who we are today because of who we were on the savannah thousands of years ago. They say men are wired to accumulate resources and procreate and women are wired to compete for men. Of course, in the civilized world, we’re beyond that now. Women don’t depend on men solely for resources and can have a child without one. But their internal wiring was put in back when being labeled a bitch might be a death sentence.
So why do women take forever to leave parties? Maybe it’s because, deep down, they have evolutionary trust issues. A woman isn’t just saying goodbye at parties. She’s subconsciously saying, “We’re cool, right?” “We don’t hate each other, right?” She’s covering her bases because she knows that if she slights even one woman in the room, that woman could spend the rest of the party calling her a “pit-pit.”
#3. Men Throw Money at Sex, But Not the Way You’re Thinking
Have you ever wondered why cocktail waitresses wear skimpy outfits? It’s not because we all want to see some old showgirl’s muffin top. It’s because men are more likely to risk money when they’re thinking about mating. This doesn’t just happen in Las Vegas. Pharmaceutical companies hire former college cheerleaders as sales reps. High-end restaurants hire good-looking waitresses. Fitness centers are managed by gorgeous women. Sex sells. It sells because, when it comes to money, men normally exhibit a behavior called “loss aversion.”
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“I’ll buy the house, but only if it comes with tits.”
Loss aversion is the tendency to choose avoiding losses over acquiring gains. Loss aversion in men is reduced, according to researchers led by Arizona State professor Douglas Kenrick, when a man is looking for a mate.
Said one author of the study, “For men in a mating frame of mind, loss aversion completely disappeared and they became more focused on wins than losses. For women, on the other hand, mating motivation led them to be even more loss averse, to focus less on possible gains and even more on the pain of loss.”
Of course. Reproductive decisions are more costly for females; they pay the higher costs of pregnancy and nursing.
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We’re not sure what’s going on here, but we know it’s easier than a C-section.
When researchers put subjects in a more “self-protective” frame of mind, men and women became more loss averse. This could explain why so many people do not spend money in a bad economy even when they have money to spend.
According to evolutionary researchers, natural selection has endowed modern humans with a psychology that encourages us to make decisions that increase the likelihood that our genes will survive, thrive and replicate.
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Which is why you don’t see so many pocket protectors these days.
What does that mean, in terms of money? It means men are more likely to spend money when sex is on the mind. Women are less loss averse when mating is not a factor; think of the older, married woman on a shopping spree. Fewer people invest in the stock market during hard times, even though that’s when they should. Also, all of the hot young staffers chasing congressmen around Capitol Hill could explain why the country is broke.
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