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Sheba, Baby – Afro-Squad Movie Mondays (Buy It)

Posted by SnowMan Jones On June - 13 - 2011

Super s#xy soul sister Pam Grier (Jackie Brown) is hotter than dynamite in a role she fills with fiery determination. Proving she’s cool, tough and glamorousa female fantasy Wonder Woman (Los Angeles Times), Grier delivers a riveting, gutsy performance in this hard-hitting thriller that leaps from one death-defying scene to the next. Sheba Shayne is a private eye summoned to her hometown to help her father stop the mob from moving in on his loan business. But she gets too close to the fire, narrowly escaping the blast of a car bomb. Gunning for justice, Sheba vows to take revenge. Packing a .44 Magnum, a machine gun and a couple of surprises that will blow the bad guys away, she leaves a blazing trail of blood in her wake and puts the mob on the defensive until she’s duped into an ingenious plot that could flatten her curves forever.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Blacula – May Movie Mondays – 70s Afro-Film

Posted by SnowMan Jones On May - 30 - 2011

Blacula is a 1972 American horror film produced for American International Pictures. It was directed by William Crain and stars William Marshall in the title role as an 18th century African prince who is turned into a vampire while visiting Transylvania. Two centuries later, he rises from his coffin attacking various residents of Los Angeles. The prince meets Tina who he believes is the reincarnation of his deceased lover.

Blacula was released to mixed reviews in the United States and was one of the top grossing films of the year. It was the first film to receive an award for Best Horror Film at the Saturn Awards. Blacula was followed by the sequel Scream, Blacula, Scream in 1973 and inspired a small wave of Ethinically Significant themed horror films.

Plot

In 1780, Prince Mamuwalde (William H. Marshall), the ruler of an African nation, seeks the help of Count Dracula (Charles Macaulay) in suppressing the slave trade. Dracula refuses to help and transforms Mamuwalde into a vampire and imprisons him in a sealed coffin. Mamuwalde’s wife, Luva (Vonetta McGee) is also imprisoned and dies in captivity. In 1972, the coffin has been purchased as part of an estate by two interior decorators, Bobby McCoy (Ted Harris) and Billy Schaffer (Rick Metzler) and shipped to Los Angeles. Bobby and Billy open the coffin and become Prince Mamuwalde’s first victims. At Bobby’s funeral, Mamuwalde encounters Tina (Vonetta McGee), who Prince Mamuwalde believes is the reincarnation of his deceased wife. On investigating the corpse at the funeral, Dr. Gordon Thomas (Thalmus Rasulala) helps Lt. Peters (Gordon Pinsent) with an investigation of murders that are occurring.

Prince Mamuwalde’s continues to kill and transform various people he encounters into vampires as Tina begins to fall in love with him. Thomas, Peters, and Michelle follow the trail of murder victims and begin to believe a vampire is responsible. After Thomas digs up Billy’s coffin, Billy’s corpse rises as a vampire and attacks Peters who fends him off. After finding a photo taken of Mamuwalde where his body is not visible, Thomas and Peters track Mamuwalde hideout defeating several vampires while Mamuwalde escapes. Mamuwalde lures Tina to his water works later while Thomas and a group of police officers chase after him. Mamuwalde dispatches several officers as one shoots Tina. To save Tina from death, Mamuwalde transforms her into a vampire. After Peters manages to kill the vampire Tina, Mamuwalde believes he can not live any longer after losing her twice. Mamuwalde leaves for the surface where the sunlight rots his flesh and kills him.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Coffy – Movie Mondays – 70s Favorites with Pam Grier

Posted by SnowMan Jones On May - 23 - 2011

Coffy is a 1973 Ethinically Significant film written and directed by American filmmaker Jack Hill. The story is about a black female vigilante played by Pam Grier.

The film’s tagline in advertising was “They call her ‘Coffy’ and she’ll cream you!”

Production

According to writer/director Hill, the project began when American International Pictures’ head of production, Larry Gordon, lost the rights to the film Cleopatra Jones after making a handshake deal with the producers. Gordon subsequently approached Hill to quickly make a movie about an [African American woman’s revenge and beat Cleopatra Jones to market. The film ended up earning more money than Cleopatra Jones and established Grier as an icon of the genre.

Coffy is notable in its depiction of a strong female lead (a capable nurse), something rare in the genre at the time, and also in its then-unfashionable anti-drug message. It was remade in 1981, with an all-white cast, as Lovely But Deadly.

Plot

Nurse “Coffy” Coffin (Pam Grier), seeks revenge for her younger sister’s drug related death, a product of the drug underworld, mob bosses and chain of violence that exists in her city. The film opens with Coffy showing her vigilante nature by killing a drug supplier and dealer. She does this without getting caught by using her s#xuality as an attractive and athletic African American woman who will do anything for a drug fix, which lures the men back to their residence and gives Coffy the privacy needed to kill them both. Directly following the killing, Coffy returns to her normal job at a local hospital in an operating room, but is asked to leave when she is too jumpy when handing tools to the surgeon.

The film introduces Coffy’s African American police friend Carter (William Elliot), who used to date Coffy in their younger years. Carter is portrayed as a straight-shooting officer who is not willing to bend the law for the mob or thugs that have been bribing many officers at his precinct. Coffy does not believe his strong moral resolve until two hooded men break into Carter’s house while she is there and beat Carter into submission. It is later discovered that Carter will be lucky to walk again. This further enrages Coffy and gives her more vindication to continue her work as a vigilante, killing off those responsible for harming Carter and her sister.

Coffy’s boyfriend Howard Brunswick (Booker Bradshaw) is a city councillor and appears to be deeply in love with Coffy at the beginning of the film. Coffy admires Brunswick for his body and use of law to solve societal problems. She is very excited when he announces his plan to run for Congress, and his purchase of a night club. The two share a passionate love scene in the first part of the film that helps build the viewer’s image of Coffy’s sensual and stereotypical feminine side, while still portraying her in the rest of the film as a hardcore crime fighter.

Coffy’s next targets in the film are a pimp named King George (Robert Do Qui), who is supposedly one of the largest providers of prostitutes and illegal substances in the city, and Mafia boss Arturo Vitroni (Allan Arbus).

Coffy questions and abuses a former patient of hers that was a known drug user to gain insight into what type of woman King George likes and where he keeps his stash of drugs. This is the first scene where Coffy brutalizes another woman and shows no remorse because the former patient is using drugs again and a deviant of society. Coffy quickly escapes and goes to a resort posing as a Jamaican woman looking to work for King George.

George is quickly interested in her exotic nature and asks her to come with him back to his house to experience Coffy himself first. One of the prostitutes returns from a far away job and gets disgruntled and jealous when seeing George taking such a liking to Coffy. At an evening party later that day Coffy and the other prostitutes get in a massive brawl, which entices mob boss Vitroni and he demands that he have her tonight. Coffy prepares herself to murder Vitroni and just when she is about to shoot, is overtaken by his men. She lies and tells Vitroni that King George ordered her to kill him, which makes Vitroni order George to be murdered. Vitroni’s men kill George by dragging him through the streets with a noose.

Coffy then discovers her clean-cut boyfriend is actually corrupt when she is shown to him at a meeting of the mob and several police officials. He denies knowing her other than as a prostitute and Coffy is sent to her death. Once again, Coffy uses her s#xuality to seduce her would-be killers. They try injecting her with drugs to sedate her, but she has switched these out for sugar earlier. Faking a high, she kills her unsuspecting hitmen with a razor blade.

Running to avoid capture, Coffy then car-jacks a vehicle to escape. Coffy drives to Vitroni’s house, murders him, and then goes to Brunswick’s to do the same. He pleads forgiveness and just as she is about to accept, a naked white woman comes out of the bedroom. At this, Coffy shoots Brunswick in the groin. The film then closes with Coffy being satisfied at having avenged her sister and Carter.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Tiger Blood Juicy Juice by Charlie Sheen

Posted by SnowMan Jones On April - 8 - 2011

Check out Juicy Juice’s Tiger Blood by Charlie Sheen and Afro-Squad.com.

Warning:
May cause drowsiness. Do not use near power lines. May cause vomiting. Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink. This product is flammable. Do not anger Tiger Blood. Do not store between 32 and 82 degrees Fahrenheit. May cause blindness, birth defects, skin cancer, death, nausea. May contain peanuts. This produce is an extreme laxative. Known to induce violent behavior in farm animals. This should not be emptied into the local water supply.

Popularity: 25% [?]

What is the Plot of Blackbelt Jones?

Posted by Snow On July - 29 - 2010

The Mafia learns that a new civic center will be built, and they buy all of the land for the site of the building—all except for one place: a karate school owned by Pop Byrd, Black Belt Jones’ old friend.

Prior to the movie’s events, Pop Byrd had borrowed money from a local drug dealer, Pinky, in order to open his school. Pinky had been stealing money from the mafia and was forced to pay them $250,000 or get Pop’s building for them. Pinky inflated the debt with a ridiculous amount of interest, with the intent of offering Pop the deal of trading his building in exchange for the debt being cleared. However, things do not go as planned, as Pop is accidentally killed by Pinky’s men during an intimidation attempt. Before he dies, he states that he couldn’t give them the building to settle his debt, because it did not belong to him, but to someone named Sydney.

Pinky then decides to send his men to the karate school, to inform them of Pop’s debt (inflated yet again) and attempt the same scheme. However, the thugs are beaten up by Black Belt Jones and the students. Meanwhile, a woman arrives to attend Pop’s funeral, who is none other than Sydney, the daughter of the late Pop Byrd. After demanding to know what happened to her father, she is informed of the mafia’s activities as well as her father’s debt, but says she won’t sell the building. Angered, she is determined to punish the people who caused her father’s death. (It must be mentioned that she hadn’t seen her father since she was 5 years old, which makes her anger seem very exaggerated.) Because both Sydney and Black Belt Jones are martial arts experts, they join forces to “clobber the mob”.

Popularity: 4% [?]

Who is Rudy Ray Moore (Dolemite is his Name…)

Posted by Snow On July - 19 - 2010

Rudy Ray Moore (March 17, 1927 – October 19, 2008) was an American comedian, musician, singer, film actor, and film producer. He was perhaps best known as Dolemite (the name derived from the mineral dolomite), the uniquely articulate pimp from the 1975 film Dolemite, and its sequel, The Human Tornado. The persona was developed during his earlier stand-up comedy records.[1]

Biography

Moore, who was raised in his birthplace of Fort Smith, Arkansas, as well as Cleveland, Ohio, began his entertainment career as an R&B singer and continued singing through his comedy career. He developed an interest in comedy in the Army after expanding on a singing performance for other servicemen. Moore released many comedy records throughout the 1960s and 1970s, developing a rude and explicit style similar to Redd Foxx and Richard Pryor. This kept him off of television and major films, but cultivated an enduring fan base.[1]

It should be noted that some of Moore’s X-Rated comedy records were recorded at his home with personal friends in attendance as the audience. This is where the term party records comes from, with Rudy Ray Moore creating the format.

He appeared on Big Daddy Kane‘s 1990 album Taste of Chocolate and 2 Live Crew‘s 1994 album Back at Your Ass for the Nine-4. He also reprised his Dolemite character in an appearance on Snoop Dogg‘s 1999 album No Limit Top Dogg.

In 2000, Moore starred in Big Money Hustlas, a movie created by and starring the Insane Clown Posse, in which he played Dolemite for the first time in over 20 years.

In 2008, Moore reprised the character Petey Wheatstraw on the song “I Live For The Funk,” which featured Blowfly and Daniel Jordan. This marked the first time Blowfly and Rudy collaborated on the same record together—and the 30-year anniversary of the movie Petey Wheatstraw and was also the final recording Rudy made before his death.[2]

On October 19, 2008, Moore died of complications from diabetes.[3]

Popularity: 4% [?]

Her big-screen heyday included roles in ‘Blacula,’ ‘Hammer’ and ‘Shaft in Africa.’ She later appeared with Clint Eastwood in ‘The Eiger Sanction.’ In the ’80s, she had numerous TV credits

Vonetta McGee, an actress whose big-screen heyday during the Ethinically Significant era of the 1970s included leading roles in “Blacula” and “Shaft in Africa,” has died. She was 65.

McGee died Friday at a hospital in Berkeley after experiencing cardiac arrest and being on life support for two days, said family spokeswoman Kelley Nayo. Although McGee had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma at age 17, Nayo said, her death was not related to the disease.

McGee was described as “one of the busiest and most beautiful black actresses” by Times movie reviewer Kevin Thomas in 1972, the year she appeared opposite Fred Williamson in the black action movie “Hammer,” and had starring roles in the crime-drama “Melinda” and the horror film “Blacula.”

She went on to appear with Richard Roundtree in “Shaft in Africa” (1973), and co-starred with Max Julien in “Thomasine & Bushrod” (1974).

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McGee also appeared with Clint Eastwood in the 1975 action-thriller “The Eiger Sanction,” prompting The Times’ Thomas to write in his review: “Her parrying with Eastwood, verbally and otherwise, is enough to scorch the screen.”

“I was pleased to see her get a role with Clint Eastwood,” said Williamson, who knew McGee before they made “Hammer.” “Not many black actors had that opportunity to be in a movie where color doesn’t matter.

“Vonetta McGee was like a lot of actors and actresses at that time, like myself, Jim Brown, Richard Roundtree, Billy Dee Williams and Pam Grier, in that we had more talent than we were allowed to show because everything was perceived as a black project. Once they categorize you, your marketability becomes limited.”

McGee was no fan of the “Ethinically Significant” label that was attached to many of the films featuring black casts in the ’70s.

That label, she told The Times in 1979, was used “like racism, so you don’t have to think of the individual elements, just the whole. If you study propaganda, you understand how this works.”

Although The Times reported that McGee “calls herself one of the lucky graduates of the black-film genre,” she pointed out that there was a difference between someone like Diana Ross and other potentially marketable black actresses.

“She has had the luxury of a studio behind her,” McGee said. “This is where a lot of us fell short. We all needed a certain amount of protection. But we were on our own.”

Among McGee’s other film credits are “The Lost Man,” “Detroit 9000,” “Brothers” (in which she played an activist based on Angela Davis), “Repo Man” and “To Sleep with Anger.”

In the ’80s, her career turned primarily to television.

That included playing Sister Indigo on Robert Blake‘s short-lived 1985 dramatic series “Hell Town” and playing a social worker who takes a con man played by Jimmie Walker into her home in the syndicated 1987-88 sitcom “Bustin’ Loose.”

She also played a recurring role on “L.A. Law” and appeared in several episodes of “Cagney & Lacey” as the wife of detective Mark Petrie (played by Carl Lumbly).

McGee and Lumbly were married in 1986 and had a son, Brandon, in 1988.

Born Lawrence Vonetta McGee in San Francisco on Jan. 14, 1945, she was attending what is now San Francisco State when she got involved with a local acting group.

She launched her film career in 1968 in Italy, where she appeared in the spaghetti western “The Great Silence” and played the title role in the comedy “Faustina.”

In addition to her husband and son, she is survived by her mother, Alma McGee; three brothers, Donald, Richard and Ronald McGee; and a sister, Alma McGee.

A memorial service is pending.

dennis.mclellan@latimes.com

Copyright © 2010, The Los Angeles Times

Popularity: 8% [?]

Paula Abdul’s Zombie Corpse Back on American Idol

Posted by SnowMan Jones On June - 10 - 2010

Would you expect anything less from the executives at Fox?  We guessed not! 

This afternoon, the producers of American Idol announced that Fox Broadcasting plans on bringing in the zombie corpse of former American Idol judge Paula Abdul to replace Simon Cowell when he leaves the show.  They explained how her recent departure from prime time was only due to a slight bout with death, and that she is “as capable as ever” as a brain dead flesh eating night stalker. 

“We feel this is a big win for the folks at Fox,” said a network executive.  “Despite years of relative incoherant blathering, Paula has always been America’s favorite judge.  I don’t think that America will even notice that she is a drooling flesh-eating zombie.  It is hard to even notice a difference.”

Executives continued to explain that the contestants have nothing to fear from the brain-loving ex-cheerleader.  They stated in a press release late on Thursday that “our contestants don’t even have brains.  Besides, who is better to participate in Fox’s brain numbing programming than Zombie Paula?  No other body will do.”  

Zombie Paula Photo

Popularity: 7% [?]

Pop mogul and X-factor judge Simon Cowell has announced that the devastation caused by last week’s earthquake in Chile has not yet proved horrible enough to justify the release of another banal and sentimental charity single.

Speaking after the latest auditions for Britain’s Got Talent, the multi-millionaire said that there has been no approach this time from Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who had previously asked Cowell to record a single highlighting the struggle in Haiti.

“We won’t be doing another single this time,” said the 50-year-old. “I don’t think that the British public would go for it, and more people have to die before we can get the likes of Robbie and Mariah to show any interest”.

“Maybe if the death toll rises to 100,000 we’ll consider it, but at the moment it doesn’t look likely,” he continued.

Other stars are said to be “apathetic” to performing another charity hit so soon after the hastily produced Haiti sessions, with singing sensation Susan Boyle taking time off for exhaustion.

However, in a desperate last attempt to raise awareness of her withering singing career, X-factor judge Danni Minogue insisted that she and fellow judge Louie Walsh are working on a non-specific earthquake-related song that would go on re-release every time a nation is ravaged by mother nature.

Laurence M. Brown

http://www.dailyfortnight.com/entertainment/956-cowell-chile-quake-not-bad-enough-to-merit-charity-single

Popularity: 5% [?]

Heidi Montag Surgery –

Posted by SnowMan Jones On May - 7 - 2010

Natural Selection - Don't You Miss It?LOS ANGELES – Heidi Montag says her decision to undergo 10 cosmetic surgery procedures in one day almost killed her. And despite her alleged brush with death, Montag says she’s ready to share her new body in the pages of Playboy again — as soon as she gets all of her normal movement back.

“I almost died after my procedure,” Montag told Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush on Monday. “I had too much Demerol like Michael Jackson did and my breathing was five breaths per minute which is like almost dead. (I was) in an aftercare center, there were nurses that were supposed to be tending to me at all times.”

“I am just so happy to have the fat removed from my elbows and these fresh cuticle implants.  It was totally worth it.  I mean, it was kinda scary and all, but who wants to live if they have an imperfect body?  I was so scared by the ordeal, I almost cancelled seven surgeries scheduled for next week” she continued.

Afro-Squad reporter Shanghai Pete would like to express his concern with Miss Montag.  He really wishes they had just used a bit more Demerol.

Popularity: 19% [?]

Elephant Man’s Bones Shill to “Grandpa Joe”

Posted by SnowMan Jones On April - 30 - 2010

For so many reasons, Michael Jackson must have been spinning in his million-dollar mausoleum last week.

His kids, Prince and Paris, whom he draped in bee keeper’s hats and masks to keep them out of the public, took center stage and accepted his Lifetime Achievement Award at the 52nd annual Grammy Awards.  Then the Elephant Man’s bones, whom he draped in human skin to keep young and vibrant, took center stage at the Sci Fi Achievement Award Ceremony. 

Yes, they (the bones) were poised and articulate, but they told of years of being hidden from the public.  They also talked of Michael’s very critical and abusive language.

But their remarks were scripted. And when the bones spoke, it was worth examining what he said. The bones, which were escorted by Joe Jackson, thanked Joe for his assistance and management.  Michael would have returned to being black before he would have let his favorite creepy obsession have anything to do with Joe Jackson. Praising him in public? Never.

Popularity: 8% [?]

Michael Jackson Faked His own Death

Posted by SnowMan Jones On March - 15 - 2010

“Michael Jackson, like Elvis, is sick and tired of being larger than life and wants to get a life,” said world-renowned psychic and metaphysician Dr. Andy Reiss at the time.

“The superstar trip has trapped Michael in Neverland. Also there’s a very good chance he could end up in prison if he’s convicted of child s#x abuse.

“The only way out of this mess he’s in is to fake his death, cut his hair and go underground,” says Dr. Reiss, who specializes in celebrity predictions.

Dr. Reiss believes The Gloved One will try to escape his hellish existence by “dying” in Neverland, his remote amusement park retreat.

“The cover story will be that Michael Jackson suffered a fatal heart attack while riding his Ferris wheel. Jackson’s ‘remains’ will be cremated and his ‘ashes’ will be scattered on the grounds of his estate,” he explains.

“The only way for Michael to start a fresh new life is to end the grotesque  life he has now. He learned the trick from Elvis.”

———————————————————–

While Jackson did not end his days at his beloved Neverland, he did indeed “die” of a heart attack this afternoon.

Did Jackson’s plans come to fruition? Is he still alive somewhere?

Source:  http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/9352/michael-jackson-faked-his-own-death/

Popularity: 12% [?]

Nick Nolte’s Eulogy

Posted by SnowMan Jones On February - 22 - 2010

The 2010 Celebrity Death Polls have pointed out that Nick Nolte is the odds on favorite celebrity to die in 2010. In preparation for this, the A/S News Universe Syndicate has written a eulogy for Mr. Nolte in advance. We like to be prepared, so here it is:

“Nick’s death is not an end, but a beginning. Specifically, the beginning of an eternity of black nothingness. He died as he lived: oddly dressed and smelling vaguely of turpentine. He had many hobbies, and he was very proud of them. He had that rarest of gifts: the ability to find the beauty and artistry in the hardcore amateur farm P#RN he shot with her Super 8 over at Oakville Community Stables. He touched all of our lives. Unfortunately, he also touched many of our children. And while it is truly a tragedy when someone so young is taken from us so unexpectedly, it is doubly heart-wrenching in circumstances such as these, when a promising career in direct-to-video adult entertainment is cut so terribly short.”

Popularity: 4% [?]

Deadliest Catch’s Phil Harris Dies

Posted by SnowMan Jones On February - 10 - 2010

Tough fishing boat captain Phil Harris, whose brave exploits in the wild waters off the Alaskan coast were captured on the popular television show “Deadliest Catch,” has died, family members said. He was 53.Harris suffered a stroke in late January while in port at St. Paul Island, Alaska, off-loading the fishing vessel he ran, the Cornelia Marie. He was taken to an Anchorage hospital for treatment, and his sons and the Discovery Channel, which aired the show, said late on Tuesday he had died. The ANU Syndicate offers our sincere condolences.  However, not all creatures mourn his death.

“He committed genocide against our species,” said a king crab. “For us and the Opilio crab, he personally took the lives of millions. He was our nemesis.”

Harris and other captains have gained admiration on “Deadliest Catch,” which airs in 170 countries, displaying their prowess in catching king and Opilio crab in dangerous currents and icy conditions in the Bering Sea between Alaska and Russia.  The arthropod residents of the Bering Sea will be celebrating on Tuesday.

Popularity: 2% [?]


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