After years of being unshaven and angry, it appears that the Fox network is attempting to do Yeti makeovers.

In January 2010, Fox executives captured a 6’8” 450 pound male Yeti.  After subjecting him to a series of secret videos, and making him stand in a six-sided body mirror, they convinced Yeti that he needed a makeover.

“We offered Yeti a $2,000 spending limit to hit the stores on New York,” said Bill Smith, an executive with the show.  “We gave him a haircut, tattoos, and tried to fit him size 20 Steve Madisons.”

In a big unveiling to his family the Yeti stated, “Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!”

Popularity: 24% [?]

Washington – After the US military announced they would start overturning the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many gays are pushing hard for continual probing of top military officials, over allegations of anti-gay sentiment.

“We have been wanting to probe these men for years, but we just couldn’t get in the front door because of all the restrictions,” said Dr. Hanz Meuller, leader of Gay Activates Yearly.  “This is a great opportunity for us to enter through the back door and really get deep into this.  I won’t rest until we are knee deep in there!!!”

After announcing they will begin to change the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, many in Washington are starting to question what policy will be adopted.  Leading military officials are leaning to a “Don’t Tell, I Already Know” policy, where gays just act in an over manner so they don’t have to tell.  Others are pushing for a “Go Ahead and Tell, But I Feel Awkward While Listening” policy.  Many gays prefer the “You Can Ask, But I Am Not Going To Tell Because My Dad Wouldn’t Approve.  That Is Why He Made Me Join The Military” policy.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Is anyone surprised that there are new cheating rumors about Scott Disick, the father of Kourtney Kardashian‘s baby (we think) and her on-again, off-again boyfriend? According to In Touch, Scott was caught doing some naughty texting on the side.

Rumors are circulating that Kourtney’s camp set this up to get her some attention and sympathy post-baby, but that’s not necessarily true…. although I feel it’s just as likely as Scott Disick having suspicious goings-on with other ladies behind Kourtney’s back. The guy has cheater-face, and if you ever saw KUWTK, you probably caught his past cheating drama, and the subsequent break-up.

If you’ve been following Kourtney’s drama whirlwind, it was suggested that Scott’s baby was not actually his own, because Kourt had a one-night stand with Michael Girgenti, who said “We didn’t use any protection – she didn’t ask me about it, and I was too caught up in the moment to think about it” when talking about the fling.

We’ll have to wait and see if things unfold any further in the paternity test issue, because Scott’s said to have spoken to In Touch about it in an exclusive interview. It couldn’t have been a very long interview, because it barely made the cover, but it’s most likely a statement reiterating that Mason is indeed his.

Are you surprised that Scott’s rumored to have cheated? (Anyone… anyone?) I’m definitely looking into the baby daddy angle again. It seems like the Kardashians are avoiding this part of the drama, which makes it more suspicious.

http://www.limelife.com/blog-entry/Kourtney-Kardashians-Boyfriend-Cheats-Again/34484.html

Popularity: 50% [?]

After an official press release on Tuesday, it is very clear that the American Butt Pirate Association is not is support of the retraction of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the United States’ military.  The pirates feel that this will hurt their recruiting efforts, and this is a bad thing for the butt pirate community. 

“Arrrr!  We be feeling that there be only so many careers for gays and if it be easier to be gay in the Navy, then we’ll have trouble in recruiting.”  said Captain Gayhab, a notoriously fantastic pirate.  “Our recruiting be down to an all-time low.  It is like once the 70s ended, nobody wants to be a butt pirate anymore!” 

The butt pirate community, based in San Francisco, has been known for a long time as a safe haven for gays.  With the new rules, one has to wonder if butt pirating has a future off American shores.

“We be afraid that this is just another profession that will have to be outsourced.  There be butt pirates in India willing to do each other cheaper and more efficiently than we do.  With these sorts of obstacles, I fear there be no hope for us,” said a butt spokesman named Jack Swallow.

Popularity: 12% [?]

President Obama continues to make strides to eliminate the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.  Let’s see what these folks have to say about this.

A Zebra in Africa
 - “Shit.  This stuff don’t matter to me!  I just don’t want to be eaten by a lion!  But it is like whatever.  Some stripes go one way, and some stripes go another way.  As long as nobody is biting my ass, I am cool with it.”

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A Redneck from Kentucky
- “This is the sign of the apocalypse.  This is going to affect me in a major way.  I am tired of all them queers.  How am I supposed to hunt if I know there are queers keeping me safe from attack?”

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Former Navy Seal Rex the Dog
- “I think this is pretty cool.  I mean, I have been known to hump a man’s leg or two, so this is a step in the right direction.”

Popularity: 11% [?]

Washington (A.N.U.S.) — As the military examines its policy banning openly gay, lesbian and bisexual people from serving, those who have lived with “don’t ask, don’t tell” are talking about their experiences and concerns.

“In a way, I think it should just be left alone,” said Navy Seal Mike Sharpe. “The Seals and I take a lot of showers together.  We go down on a big steel ship full of seamen, and we sleep together in tight quarters.  I am afraid that by having queers in the military that we would start doing things that seem gay!”

Sharpe says the existing policy is part of military life. Nobody asks. Nobody tells. 

“There’s nobody out trying to hunt somebody down saying, ‘Oh my gosh, kick them out — they’re gay! They’re lesbian!’ ” Runkle said. “There’s nothing like that at all.  We just look for the guys who dress well and we kick them in the balls.”

Some service members and veterans, though, have had a different experience.

Dan Mantan — a former Army sergeant who served in Iraq until he was discharged under “don’t ask, don’t tell” — said that if anything, coming out to his unit “brought us closer together, literally.  I had all sorts of new bunk mates after that!”

Popularity: 22% [?]

WASHINGTON—Rear Admiral Juan Love (Left), the nation’s top uniformed officer, made a strong appeal for allowing gays to serve openly in the military, a shift that highlighted the Pentagon’s growing support for lifting the “don’t ask, don’t tell” law.

Adm. Love, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, told the Senate Armed Services Committee he believed the “don’t ask” restrictions—which require gay troops to keep their sexual orientation a secret—could be eliminated because “they were like totally bogus and we just need to loosen up around here.”   

After the comments, Adm. Love became the highest-ranking military officer to ever endorse wearing chaps on Fridays, a source of controversy within the Pentagon since they were put in place by the Clinton administration in 1993. His immediate predecessor, Marine Gen. Peter Pace, in 2007 described homosexuality as “immoral.”

“Let’s face it guys, we look like the Village People anyways!  Let’s just have fun with it,” said Admiral Love.  “Besides, who doesn’t want to snuggle in a foxhole or have a buddy for their cot at night?  Let’s do this thing right.  New uniforms with rainbows and everything.”

Popularity: 12% [?]