Fun pictures every Friday!
Popularity: 20% [?]
Funny Foto Friday – Jackie Gleason
On March - 12 - 2010
Cougar in Harrison High School
On March - 4 - 2010
Harrison, NJ – Reports coming from students of Harrison High School indicate that there is a large female cougar somewhere within the school. Police, wildlife experts, and school staff have thus far been unable to locate the animal, but students of the school see this creature on a daily basis.
“This is an enigma to us,” said Vice Principal Bentley Lazer. “I have students telling me ‘Have you seen the cougar in the home economics class,’ but I haven’t see a single cat in the school. I will not rest until this animal is caught. It is a matter of our students’ safety!”
In a reported case from last Friday, three students followed the cougar into the teacher’s lounge. Although they were unharmed, one student claimed that he was “scared stiff” after watching the cougar for about an hour.
“I normally see the cougar in Home Economics,” said 10th grader Tommy Hilyard. “She stalks up and down the aisles of the class. She’s just a beautiful creature, and she appears ready to pounce.”
Despite an apparent trend, the Home Economics teacher, a 2002 graduate of Florida State University and former Miss Florida, Kate Olssen has never seen the animal in her classroom.
“I don’t know what those boys are talking about,” stated Miss Olssen. “They are always saying, ‘look at the cougar.’ Then they point under my desk. I crawl under the tables, looking for it, but I never see that thing. They hoot and holler, saying that it is a beautiful cat, but I have never seen the damned thing!”
Popularity: 3% [?]
Veggie and Vaggie Lovers Unite
On February - 27 - 2010
Etsy.com, a website dedicated to homemade products, recently announced a new line of flavored “Vegan Vulva Lip Balm.” In other words, it is a homemade flavored ointment made to keep your vaginal lips moist, and it is not made of animal materials. (We aren’t making that up.)
Flavors include vanilla lavender, cherry, honey, and berry. Despite requests by A.N.U.S. staff, many flavors are still unavailable. “We requested more natural berry flavors, like ’dingle,” but the product’s creator didn’t think it would sell well.”
Other unsuccessful flavors include fish oil, fromunda cheese, and (for the fatty) bacon.
Popularity: 5% [?]
Funny Foto Friday – Iron Man
On February - 26 - 2010
Pamela Celebrates 10 Years Without New Sex Tape
On February - 25 - 2010
Former Baywatch Babe and skank rights advocate Pamela Anderson recently celebrated her tenth year without a release of a new (CENSORED)ographic movie.
“I didn’t think I would go ten years without one of my nasty home movies hitting the net,” said Anderson on Wednesday. “It isn’t that I haven’t made any. I just haven’t left any laying around by accident.”
Pamela serves as a role model for other hollywood skanks like Snookie, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and Lindsay Lohen. Lohen’s publicist stated that she can’t imagine going a month without Lindsey’s cooch being made public. “This is a real accomplishment for one of the world’s leading skanks.”
Popularity: 5% [?]
Friday Named – Funny Foto Friday!!!
On February - 19 - 2010
Funny Foto Friday – Michael Dorn
On February - 12 - 2010
Under Armour Fails To Protect in Gunfight
On February - 7 - 2010
ATLANTA – Ted Jamazas, a mall security guard working on the East Side of Atlanta, is suing the Under Armour company after his tight “protective” clothing proved useless in a gunfight.
“When I heard the Hot Topic was being robbed, I thought I would go and check it out,” said Officer Jamazas. “I quickly realized that the robber was using a pellet gun. Since I had my bullet proof Under Armour under garments, I thought I would be impervious to attack.”
Ted was wrong. He yelled, “go ahead and shoot me! I am impervious to your attacks!” Then the teen vandal capped him and left a nasty abrasion under Ted’s right nipple.
“What the hell man? I could have been killed! That pellet went right through the so called Armour! Isn’t this supposed to be unstoppable?” said Officer Jamazas.
Under Armour representatives were unavailable for comment. There is still no work if they plan a recall of all of their athletic gear. The teen suspect is still at large. He was last seen wearing black pants, black mascara, a trench coat, and he was quoted as being a “whiney little emo bitch.” If you have seen the suspect, please contact the Afrosquad News Universe Syndicate.
Popularity: 3% [?]
New Baseball Rules Could Improve Viewership
On February - 1 - 2010
We at the Afro-Squad are constantly working to improve the world. This time, we decided to focus on America’s past time. That’s right, we are going to improve the great sport of baseball.
Over the past few decades, baseball has changed its rules to accommodate its viewers. It has made adjustments and tweaks to appeal to the Mtv generation, but the Major Leagues have never had any major changes.
Here are a list of changes that we feel will help the big leagues stay as fresh a new pouch of Big League Chew.
1) More blood. Allow runners to sharpen their cleats. Ty Cobb used to do it back in baseball’s hay day. Why can’t runners do it now. Imagine how much more interesting it would be if a runner slides into third base a set of razor sharp blades attached to his feet. Who wouldn’t want to see that?
2) Hot catchers. The days of crusty old comic legends like Johnny Bench and Bob Uecker are long gone. Now it is time to have hotties squatting behind home plate. A simple rule change requiring a busty blonde behind the plate would make those long games so much more entertaining. Of course, the uniform would have to require cute skirts and panties, but baseball has to change if it wants more viewers!
3) Loaded bats. What is so wrong with a corked bat? It only makes you more able to smash the dickens out of some ball. Why not encourage hitters to cork their bats. Hell, MLB should hire teams at NASA to produce the most powerful bat in the universe. Wouldn’t you want to see a buy like Barry Bonds crush a ball 1,000 feet? I know I would.
4) Bears on unicycles. Replace general managers with bears on unicycles. I am not sure what this would do, but the world needs more bears on unicycles.
5) Explosions. How about adding some low powered land mines in the base path. I am not talking about anything that could kill, but maybe an explosion just powerful enough to knock the hell out of somebody. It would make running the bases a little more like Russian Roulette.
I have plenty of other suggestions, but we’ll wait to let baseball try some of these before I announce them.
Popularity: 1% [?]
