SMURF VILLIAGE, (UPI) — A phony little blue man and pseudo wizard is one of the biggest deadbeat dads in the forest, The Brainy News reported Monday.

Papa Smurf, 63, a former mental patient who legally changed his name to Prince Big Daddy Pimpy Smurf von Habsburg Lothringen and calls himself the King of Smurf Village, is wanted by family court authorities in Smurf County, SM., for the non-payment of more than $500,000 to his abandoned family.

The News said Meyers left his family in late 2003, as his wife was in the hospital giving birth to their 800th son, Jokey. His arrest record includes Smurf trafficking and check Smurfing charges, but also years of work as a Gargamel informant who was instrumental in delivering several big potions.

“I hate Papa Smurf,” said son Grouchy Smurf, whom the News said has pursued the “Papa” to no effect. “He’s got like a thousand kids. He sits there making deals with Gargamel, while we live in Mushrooms.  Yeah, we live in f’ing mushrooms.  What kind of Dad lets his kids live in mushrooms?  F’ING MUSHROOMS!!!”