Afro-Squad Magazine

We are running out of ideas for which babes should be future babes of the week! That’s right, every week we give you a new hottie to look at. We give you girls like adult film twins Cali Marie and Cherish, Joeclyn and Crystal Potter, Sophia Vergara, Kate Middleton, Shy Love, and others! However, we are running out of ideas for who should be next. We always try to pick babes who we want you to learn about, or aren’t typical mainstream models. So if you have a recommendation, please leave a comment below to help us!

SnowMan M.F. Jones

Popularity: 3% [?]

Super s#xy soul sister Pam Grier (Jackie Brown) is hotter than dynamite in a role she fills with fiery determination. Proving she’s cool, tough and glamorousa female fantasy Wonder Woman (Los Angeles Times), Grier delivers a riveting, gutsy performance in this hard-hitting thriller that leaps from one death-defying scene to the next. Sheba Shayne is a private eye summoned to her hometown to help her father stop the mob from moving in on his loan business. But she gets too close to the fire, narrowly escaping the blast of a car bomb. Gunning for justice, Sheba vows to take revenge. Packing a .44 Magnum, a machine gun and a couple of surprises that will blow the bad guys away, she leaves a blazing trail of blood in her wake and puts the mob on the defensive until she’s duped into an ingenious plot that could flatten her curves forever.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Blacula is a 1972 American horror film produced for American International Pictures. It was directed by William Crain and stars William Marshall in the title role as an 18th century African prince who is turned into a vampire while visiting Transylvania. Two centuries later, he rises from his coffin attacking various residents of Los Angeles. The prince meets Tina who he believes is the reincarnation of his deceased lover.

Blacula was released to mixed reviews in the United States and was one of the top grossing films of the year. It was the first film to receive an award for Best Horror Film at the Saturn Awards. Blacula was followed by the sequel Scream, Blacula, Scream in 1973 and inspired a small wave of Ethinically Significant themed horror films.

Plot

In 1780, Prince Mamuwalde (William H. Marshall), the ruler of an African nation, seeks the help of Count Dracula (Charles Macaulay) in suppressing the slave trade. Dracula refuses to help and transforms Mamuwalde into a vampire and imprisons him in a sealed coffin. Mamuwalde’s wife, Luva (Vonetta McGee) is also imprisoned and dies in captivity. In 1972, the coffin has been purchased as part of an estate by two interior decorators, Bobby McCoy (Ted Harris) and Billy Schaffer (Rick Metzler) and shipped to Los Angeles. Bobby and Billy open the coffin and become Prince Mamuwalde’s first victims. At Bobby’s funeral, Mamuwalde encounters Tina (Vonetta McGee), who Prince Mamuwalde believes is the reincarnation of his deceased wife. On investigating the corpse at the funeral, Dr. Gordon Thomas (Thalmus Rasulala) helps Lt. Peters (Gordon Pinsent) with an investigation of murders that are occurring.

Prince Mamuwalde’s continues to kill and transform various people he encounters into vampires as Tina begins to fall in love with him. Thomas, Peters, and Michelle follow the trail of murder victims and begin to believe a vampire is responsible. After Thomas digs up Billy’s coffin, Billy’s corpse rises as a vampire and attacks Peters who fends him off. After finding a photo taken of Mamuwalde where his body is not visible, Thomas and Peters track Mamuwalde hideout defeating several vampires while Mamuwalde escapes. Mamuwalde lures Tina to his water works later while Thomas and a group of police officers chase after him. Mamuwalde dispatches several officers as one shoots Tina. To save Tina from death, Mamuwalde transforms her into a vampire. After Peters manages to kill the vampire Tina, Mamuwalde believes he can not live any longer after losing her twice. Mamuwalde leaves for the surface where the sunlight rots his flesh and kills him.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Are you a quirky fun writer who wants to help with Afro-Squad?  Contact us at afrosquad@afro-squad.com and we’ll work something out. Just send us some writing samples! 

Popularity: unranked [?]

Our homey Seth asked us to help design a “Bag of D!cks” as a bar snack. Here is what we came up with.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Please tell me that I am not the only one who looks at the “SkyMall” magazine while on the plane and laughs at all the nonsensical bullshit for sale.  Sure, there are always a few neat things in the magazine.  The bathtub pillow and sonic cuticle trimmer are always worth looking at when you are bored at 30,000 feet.  However, this was the best object I have seen in a long time.  Just look at it.  It looks like something a husband would buy for his wife out of that “special catalog” that comes from Adam and Eve.

“Tired of those tight throat muscles?  The PowerLung will help you shape and control those special muscles in a way that will ‘blow’ his mind.”

Popularity: 3% [?]

If you don’t read www.regretsy.com, I recommend that you check it out.  Here is a sample of their Whimsicle F#ckery.

On Saturday night, when ROFL Con was over and I was packing to go to New York, I noticed someone slipping a piece of paper under my hotel room door:

Due to a broken water main in Boston, the water supply in 38 counties is currently unsafe to drink. Bottled water should be used for drinking. Tap water may also be used for drinking or cooking, provided it is first boiled for several minutes. Thank you for your understanding.

I didn’t think much about it until the next day, when the hotel didn’t have coffee. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just boil water so they could make coffee, but I figured once I got to the train station, I’d get a cup of Dunks and everything would be all right again.

When we got to the train station, I was horrified to see that Dunks was simply closed. “NO WATER” it said on the door.

But that isn’t exactly true, is it Dunks? No, there’s water, but you just didn’t want to boil any. That would take effort. Why go to all the trouble of actually making coffee? It’s not like you’re famous for it or anything. And who drinks coffee on Sunday anyway? Oh Jesus, I’m getting mad all over again.

Needless to say, by the time I got on the train I was really cranky. So I availed myself of Amtrak’s free Wi-Fi to post this status update on the Regretsy fan page:

As you can see, this diatribe resulted in over 200 comments, and 4 people “unfanned” themselves as a result of my vulgarity. You can imagine how much I miss them.

But more significantly, we here at Regretsy world headquarters (me) received many requests for T-shirts commemorating the whole caffeine starved episode. And as you know, T-shirts and other merchandise help fund our charity efforts, so who are we to say no?

And so, our own delightful Bronc designed this beautiful T-shirt, featuring completely unnecessary invective layered over a beautiful map of Beantown.

Popularity: 9% [?]

By FELICIA R. LEE
Pam Grier, who manages to exude toughness and sensuality in equal measure, has also managed to embody many of the cultural shifts of the last 40 years.

Ms. Grier, at top, in “Foxy Brown” and, above, in the television series “The L Word,” with Kelly Lynch.
In her new memoir, “Foxy: My Life in Three Acts” (Hachette Book Group), Ms. Grier, 60, revisits a career that took off in the early 1970s when she became Ethinically Significant cinema’s first female action hero. She sprang to prominence again in Quentin Tarantino’s 1997 film, “Jackie Brown,” and she popped up in the 21st century in the groundbreaking Showtime television series “The L Word,” about the lives of lesbians.

“Foxy,” however, reveals a darker personal life, including, for the first time, the details of her s#xual assault at 6. It also recounts the diagnosis of cervical cancer Ms. Grier received in her late 30s and the untimely deaths and suicides of family members and friends. There is space, too, for her romances with Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (who wanted her to convert to Islam), Freddie Prinze (who battled drugs and wanted her to have his baby) and Richard Pryor (who thought she could help save him from drugs).

Why tell her story now? “I’ve had mentors who know of my legacy and family history, along with my career in surviving and falling, crawling and learning, and being very, very open and curious,” she explained. “I said, ‘If I do it, I want it to be a work of lessons learned that I can share with others.’ You seek help. You seek friendship.”

Ms. Grier, who wrote “Foxy” with Andrea Cagan, was sitting in an Upper East Side hotel suite, far from the little Colorado ranch she shares with three dogs and four horses. Her face was unlined, her body curvy rather than Hollywood thin. She laughed easily and often, despite sharing sometimes harrowing details of her life.

She grew up in Colorado, the daughter of an Air Force mechanic and a nurse. It was an era of racial segregation; the family (including two siblings) lived abroad for extended stays, but Ms. Grier considers her “rural sensibility” important to who she is. She said she was taught by her family to “sleep in a tent at night in the rain and go fish for your food in the morning.”

Life was forever altered when, left unsupervised at an aunt’s home, she was raped by two boys. After that she describes a lonely, traumatized childhood.

“I was very quiet,” Ms. Grier recalled, and she stuttered when she did talk. As a young woman, she was the victim of a date rape, she wrote, which led to years in which she tried to play down her prettiness.

“My life is probably more interesting and dangerous than some of the movies I’ve done,” she said.

She came by her steel the hard way, Ms. Grier said. And she referred to some of her biggest 1970s hits to explain how. “My aunt was Foxy Brown, and my mom was Coffy, and we were constantly struggling against disrespect,” she said.

In “Coffy” (1973) she played a nurse who turned to vigilante justice to avenge her little sister’s drug addiction. In “Foxy Brown” (1974) she fought against drugs and other ills.

Once derided as formulaic urban morality tales aimed at black audiences and featuring big helpings of white villainy, several of Ms. Grier’s Ethinically Significant films are now considered groundbreaking for their depictions of powerful black women.

And it took Ms. Grier’s winning combination of s#x, sass and talent to pull it off, said Warrington Hudlin, a producer and the president of the Black Filmmaker Foundation. “She exists in the American imagination in a way that is permanent,” Mr. Hudlin said. “She represents a self-reliant, dynamic female figure that doesn’t have to forgo femininity for potency, for militant power.”

While the story lines were outlandish, Ms. Grier said some of her early films had their roots in the truth of urban life in that era.

“We had won so many aspects of civil rights, but we didn’t have a large enough community to lose people to gun battles and drugs,” she said. “We had to show we had a positive community, too, which was something that didn’t get on the news.”

When it comes to more personal topics, like men, Ms. Grier also aims to convey a lesson: a woman needs to love herself more than she loves a relationship.

“At some point you have to realize you will be walking away from someone you do love,” she said, describing her failed relationships. “But out of love for yourself, O.K.?” While she has never married or had children, Ms. Grier said she still fantasized about her dream wedding.

After years with few big roles, her fortunes were revived by Mr. Tarantino, an avowed fan of Ethinically Significant and other less-than-exalted movie genres. He took her talent global with “Jackie Brown,” an adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel that was tailored for Ms. Grier and includes references to her earlier work.

The film showcased her acting chops and cast her in a more serious light in the film industry. “I owe him at least one child,” she said of her gratitude to Mr. Tarantino.

This year Ms. Grier joined the cast of “Smallville,” the CW science-fiction series, where she plays the brilliant covert agent Amanda Waller.

So now her fans are tweens as well as their grandparents, Ms. Grier said, and they pay attention to what she does. When she played the straight musician and club owner Kit Porter (half-sister of Bette, a lesbian) on “The L Word,” people stopped her in the street to say she helped them connect to gay family members and friends.

Now in the midst of a book tour, Ms. Grier said she felt good, and grateful. Her cancer is in remission. She is shooting a film with Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts.

Staying the course goes back to the book she calls her bible in “Foxy”: “An Actor Prepares” by Constantin Stanislavski.

“He said there’s no such thing as a small role, there’s no such thing as a small heart,” Ms. Grier said. “He said I should approach any role as if it’s my life, and that’s what I did.”

Source

Popularity: 10% [?]

With all the oil spills, corporate greed, and his habit for putting razor blades in apples, the Man has a busy day.  In fact, it is hard to keep up with all of his misdoings. 

Recently, we caught the Man up to no good again.  This effort was particularly nefarious, since he disguised his evil by claiming he was helping clean the environment. 

Proctor and Gamble’s Dawn dish soap recently claimed that they give $1 from every bottle sold to help clean up oil spills.  They spent millions of dollars advertising this point.  Unfortunately, it was almost complete hogwash.  They added a secret loophole that keeps them from making most of the donations. 

For your $1 to count, you have to go to their website and register your UPC code.  If you don’t, they make no donation.  Essentially, the Man is advertising that he’ll clean up the oil spill, when he will make a small donation.  The fine print also puts a cap on the total dollars donated. 

We think it is a good thing to make a donation to clean up oil spills, but this advertising campaign is so twisted that we had to report it.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Source – http://wrestling911.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3291

Popularity: 3% [?]

Feb 10, 2010 (BFE-Tribune Information Services via COMTEX)

The city of Bum F’ing, Egypt will now be known as the New Cairo, Egypt.

City council members approved a request Monday to change the name of the city, as an attempt to encourage a positive image for the area.

“We get a lot of visitors in BFE, but they never seem happy to be here.  People are always like, ‘I got stuck in BFE when I made a wrong turn,’ “ said councilman Habib Muhammad.  “We think this change will help the overall image.  We also think people wouldn’t mind being lost in New Cairo.  Getting stuck in BFE just doesn’t sound appealing.”

Popularity: 9% [?]

Speculation that reading the ANU Syndicate will lead to better health has been abundant in the medical community since February, but recent studies at the Mayo Clinic now directly link the reading this site to better heart health.

“We found that laughter is great for the heart,” said Dr. Paul D Bulshitta.  “The direct link to reading this site and laughing, is an important link to heart health.”

Other studies by the American Carpel Tunnel Institute show that bookmarking this page, as opposed to typing the address every morning, can help slow the effects of carpel tunnel syndrome.

An ANU Syndicate also stated, “we are working hard for your health.  In fact, we also found a link between our Heidi Montag articles and immediate penis growth.  You are welcome.”

Popularity: 4% [?]

For two weeks every four years, Olympians dominate the world stage. But then they quickly fade back into oblivion. What became of all the stars of the Vancouver Olympics after the Games ended?

SportsPickle takes a look.

- – - – -

Evgeni Plushenko – Russia: figure skating

Plushenko continued to live in denial over his silver medal. He later became President of the Soviet Union, led the nation to a resounding defeat of the United States via superior figure skating jumps, flew to Neptune on the back of a unicorn, and deep down inside knew that everyone totally envied his rad haircut.

Johnny Weir – USA: figure skating

After 25 years of being made fun of, Weir decided to step in line and bought a bunch of cheap, ill-fitting jeans, a few plaid shirts, and some baseball hats. Today he works at a steel mill and plays third base for the company softball team. Good for him!

Shani Davis – USA: speed skating

The Chicago native used his own money to build inner city speed skating rinks in cities throughout the country, hoping to earn back his money via rink memberships, lessons and ticket sales to speed skating events. He went bankrupt.

Shaun White – USA: snowboarding

After winning gold in the men’s halfpipe, White went on to stomp an endo on a flippy mix trip top double McRondo with a tight stack hitch triple rex. He later tricked a stoked quad mac on a hemi track triple purple slide over tap double lexicon, which he still does to this day.

Kim Yu-na – South Korea: figure skating

Kim continued to skate and win championships. In 2027, despite years of efforts from her trainers and handlers to prevent it, she hit puberty. Luckily it came at the beginning of a long routine in Stars on Ice, and by the time the routine was over, menopause had begun, allowing her to keep her girlish figure.

Evan Lysacek – USA: figure skating

Lysacek continued skating. To a younger generation, he is probably best known for the song “What Would Evan Lysacek Do?”, featured in a 2021 irreverent animated movie.

Lindsey Vonn – USA: skiing

Vonn continued skiing along with fellow American medalist Julia Mancuso. One day, while skiing in Vail, they both collided so hard they knocked each other out. Also, the impact was so violent all of their clothes flew off. Luckily, I was there on vacation. So they’re laying there naked in the snow and I give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. They both wake up and are so happy to be alive they kiss each other. A lot. And they do a lot more than just kiss, if you know what I mean. Then, they’re so grateful to me for saving their lives, that they (still naked!) take me back to the lodge and we do it for, like, hours and hours on a bear-skin rug in front of a roaring fire. This may have been a dream.

Sidney Crosby – Canada: hockey

Having accomplished everything a hockey player could ever hope to accomplish by the age of 22, Crosby retired from the sport and got married and raised a family, happily living off the millions of dollars he made in his brief and remarkably successful athletic career, content with his life. A complete and total failure.

Bode Miller – USA: skiing

Miller retired soon after the Vancouver Games and fell out of the limelight. But the name “Bode” remains popular among hippie parents who live in cold climates and hate their children.

Apolo Anton Ohno – USA: short track speed skating

As the winner of the most medals by an American in Winter Olympics history, Ohno continued to build on the celebrity that earned him a spot on “Dancing With The Stars”. He went on to appear on “Celebrity Apprentice”, “I’m a Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here!”, “Celebrity Fit Club”, and “Fat Celebrities Dancing and Making Business Deals in the Jungle”. He was the most enduring “star” of the 2010 Games.

Steve Holcomb – USA: bobsled

After piloting the U.S. to its first bobsled gold in 62 years, Holcomb was sought out by investors and the U.S. government to help replace the automobile and remake the American transportation infrastructure via zero-fuel bobsled technology. Icy, pitched tracks were built all across the country. A person could get in a bobsled in New York City (at 10,000 feet) and — three hours later — be in Los Angeles powered only by gravity. Unfortunately, the unexpected cost of refrigerating all but a few of the most northern tracks was not accounted, nor were the lawsuit costs from the many Americans who died in bobsled crashes. The United States went bankrupt and was taken over by Soviet leader Plushenko.

Read More from Sports Pickle:  http://www.sportspickle.com/article:686/vancouver-2010-olympians-where-are-they-now

Popularity: 3% [?]

In his first public statement since a car accident set off a whirlwind of scrutiny and sordid revelations, Tiger Woods apologized today for hooking up with women far below the quality he could — and should have — pulled.

“I let down a lot of people,” said Woods, in his statement. “It is one thing for an athlete to have affairs, it is far different thing to hook up with some of the questionably attractive uggers I slept with. And for that I am truly sorry. You have no idea. I have had nightmares.”

Woods then presented a slide show of the women he had affairs with, stopping to apologize for the most unsightly conquests. He broke into tears after pulling up pictures of Jamie Jungers and Perkins waitress Mindy Lawton.

“I was so foolish. So incredibly stupid,” said Woods. “These are not attractive women. These are not women someone with my fame and fortune should have s#x with. Some of these are 4s, 5s, 6s. As you can see, I have a serious problem. And that is why I have sought help.”

The golfer said in his statement that he is returning to therapy.

“Therapy is helping me turn down uglier chicks,” he said. “I once had the strength to do that. I married a hot woman. But in recent years I have fallen short of my own standards — standards that any man should strive to uphold.”

Woods said he hopes to return to golf and to desirable women as soon as he possibly can.

Source:  http://www.sportspickle.com/article:661/tiger-woods-sincerely-apologizes-for-that-5-he-did

Popularity: 3% [?]