Harrison, NJ – Reports coming from students of Harrison High School indicate that there is a large female cougar somewhere within the school. Police, wildlife experts, and school staff have thus far been unable to locate the animal, but students of the school see this creature on a daily basis.
“This is an enigma to us,” said Vice Principal Bentley Lazer. “I have students telling me ‘Have you seen the cougar in the home economics class,’ but I haven’t see a single cat in the school. I will not rest until this animal is caught. It is a matter of our students’ safety!”
In a reported case from last Friday, three students followed the cougar into the teacher’s lounge. Although they were unharmed, one student claimed that he was “scared stiff” after watching the cougar for about an hour.
“I normally see the cougar in Home Economics,” said 10th grader Tommy Hilyard. “She stalks up and down the aisles of the class. She’s just a beautiful creature, and she appears ready to pounce.”
Despite an apparent trend, the Home Economics teacher, a 2002 graduate of Florida State University and former Miss Florida, Kate Olssen has never seen the animal in her classroom.
“I don’t know what those boys are talking about,” stated Miss Olssen. “They are always saying, ‘look at the cougar.’ Then they point under my desk. I crawl under the tables, looking for it, but I never see that thing. They hoot and holler, saying that it is a beautiful cat, but I have never seen the damned thing!”
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