In an effort to minimize impact on their customers, and to accommodate growth, the zip code 33929 will now be assigned to Kim Kardashian’s ass.

The 33929 code will be slowly integrated to minimize confusion and service disruptions for the thousands of customers that use Kardashian’s ass.

Some, however, are not so keen on the new change.

“It is all just so vast and confusing. We need structure,” said one New Yorker.

“You running out of numbers, you running out of tokens, you running out of subways, you running out of jobs,” said another New Yorker. “The only thing we ain’t running out of is Kim’s ass.”

Service providers will begin customer education mid-year to prepare for the new code.

In January 2010, Fox executives captured a 6’8” 450 pound male Yeti.  After subjecting him to a series of secret videos, and making him stand in a six-sided body mirror, they convinced Yeti that he needed a makeover.

“We offered Yeti a $2,000 spending limit to hit the stores on New York,” said Bill Smith, an executive with the show.  “We gave him a haircut, tattoos, and tried to fit him size 20 Steve Madisons.”

In a big unveiling to his family the Yeti stated, “Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!”

“I was relaxing at home when it happened,” said the victim.  “All was well, then I realized something was fishy.  As it turned out, it was the finger of this criminal mastermind.”

The Brown Bandit has been linked to a trail of sanchez related activities.  This includes a stinky sanchez, at least eight recorded dirty sanchez occurrences, a filthy sanchez, several donky punches, and at least one ghetto finger!

Please check back regularly as we solve this case!!!

(This is one of a series of Sanchez News Articles on http://afrosquad.wordpress.com.  Check them out!

Despite the fact that no actual photos exist, “Bigfoot Steve” is estimated at 180 foot tall, weighing an approximate 500 tons.

“We just hope he is a tourist,” said a New York State Representative. ”The mere thought of a 180 foot tall angry New York native is just frightening.  I mean, we can deal with an angry hairy giant ape.  However, if you add a New York attitude… the country is F$*@ed!”

Every year, all the right wing big shots get together in Washington, D.C. at that CPAC thing. And they never ever invite me to their shindig!

That’s no way to treat one of the pioneers of this whole movement, let alone a decorated veteran of Pork Chop Hill like yours truly!

Dammit, I was ranting against big government and commies and fluoride in the water when William F. Buckley was still on training skis.

But do they ever ask me to come to their big party and give a fancy speech, like they do Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck? NEVER!

If it wasn’t for me, none of those young whippersnappers would have their million dollar contracts and private jets and their faces on the cover of LIFE magazine!

I can’t be completely ticked off, though, because there was some good news this week: that “global warming” scam is falling apart faster than a Prius in the fast lane!

All those egghead scientists are quitting their jobs and admitting they made stuff up and the dog ate their homework and saying they want to kill themselves!

Here’s what we need to do: let’s get the Supreme Court to overturn the 2000 election, let Al Gore be President after all – then impeach him for his “global warming” crap that’s made us waste trillions of dollars!

I dare those Bilderburger Beltway boys in their hundred dollar suits at the big rightwing shindig to put THAT on the agenda! But no! They’re too busy drinking their highballs and chomping their cigars to do something REALLY radical!

That’s ok. Your old pal Ed Anger will still be fighting to save these great United States – all alone if I have to!

“This is an enigma to us,” said Vice Principal Bentley Lazer.  “I have students telling me ‘Have you seen the cougar in the home economics class,’ but I haven’t see a single cat in the school.  I will not rest until this animal is caught.  It is a matter of our students’ safety!”

In a reported case from last Friday, three students followed the cougar into the teacher’s lounge.  Although they were unharmed, one student claimed that he was “scared stiff” after watching the cougar for about an hour.

“I normally see the cougar in Home Economics,” said 10^th grader Tommy Hilyard.  “She stalks up and down the aisles of the class.  She’s just a beautiful creature, and she appears ready to pounce.”

Despite an apparent trend, the Home Economics teacher, a 2002 graduate of Florida State University and former Miss Florida, Kate Olssen has never seen the animal in her classroom.

“I don’t know what those boys are talking about,” stated Miss Olssen.  “They are always saying, ‘look at the cougar.’  Then they point under my desk.  I crawl under the tables, looking for it, but I never see that thing.  They hoot and holler, saying that it is a beautiful cat, but I have never seen the damned thing!”

Speculation that reading the ANU Syndicate will lead to better health has been abundant in the medical community since February, but recent studies at the Mayo Clinic now directly link the reading this site to better heart health.

“We found that laughter is great for the heart,” said Dr. Paul D Bulshitta.  “The direct link to reading this site and laughing, is an important link to heart health.”

Other studies by the American Carpel Tunnel Institute show that bookmarking this page, as opposed to typing the address every morning, can help slow the effects of carpel tunnel syndrome.

An ANU Syndicate also stated, “we are working hard for your health.  In fact, we also found a link between our Heidi Montag articles and immediate penis growth.  You are welcome.”

Flavors include vanilla lavender, cherry, honey, and berry.  Despite requests by A.N.U.S. staff, many flavors are still unavailable.  “We requested more natural berry flavors, like ’dingle,” but the product’s creator didn’t think it would sell well.”

Other unsuccessful flavors include fish oil, fromunda cheese, and (for the fatty) bacon.

No-one knows what triggered the latest incident, but many pseudo-scientists are creating plans to find new careers for these whales.

But it does highlight the tensions that occur when we choose to interact closely with huge marine predators.

It is also debatable what to do with those orcas that remain in captivity, as they can’t easily return to the wild.

“They are highly intelligent animals, so we are putting job applications out on behalf of the animals,” says Dr Star Joy, an animal expert from “Free our Friends.”

“Recent attempts to release orcas just haven’t worked,” says Manny Grovers, of the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society (WDCS).  ”We had one whale start a job in Vegas.  He was a dealer.  However, he couldn’t even use the shuffle machine, and he never let people double down.  That is contrary to the table rules!”

Check back with the Syndicate as we find more about these attempts to release orcas.

** Despite our humor attempts, we have nothing but care for the people involved.