Afro-Squad Magazine

KANGEAN ISLAND -  Aliens from  Planet Gootan have been spotted across the Indonsian Sea. 

WWN continues to follow the landing of three large spaceships from Planet Gootan – that arrived on November 29th, 2011.   Two ships landed in a field near Lijang, China and one ship landed in the Indonesian Sea near Kangean Island.

WWN has learned that ti was not just one ship that landed in the Indonesian sea, but there were three ships – and 12 Gootan pods that landed in the sea.  Over the last two weeks, the ships have been surfacing and flying g over Kangean Island and Bali.

The United Nations Panel on Extraterrestrials has sent a team to Bali to observe first hand the activities of the Gootans.

Some readers continue to be skeptical of the landings – but WWN has been following the developments closely and is close contact with the United Nations and the Defense Department.

Sources inside the Defense Department say that the activities of the Gootans have many world leaders very concerned.  It does appear that the Gootans are planning an attack on humans.

Dr. Susan Begley, one of the leaders of the U.N. Panel of Extraterrestrials,  estimates that between ten thousand and thirty thousand Gootans are now on Earth.  She believes that there are over 3,000 in the Indonesian Sea – preparing for war.

Many citizens on the island of Bali have noticed the Gootan ships hovering above them.  Locals have taken to wearing demon masks to scare off the Gootans.

Others are performing tribal dances to stop the Gootans from attacking Bali.

According to sources in Bali, there have numerous reports of strange apparitions, beings, moving through the island.

– BALI.   Two old men, Wayan and Nyoman,  saw three strange beings on the beach.  The beings stopped to look at them.   Wayan said that the beings “glowed” and stared at them.  After a flash went off – they disappeared.

– KANGEAN ISLAND.  Many reports of a light above the island, that was similar to this:

Dr. John Malley, the leader of the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials is also In Bali  monitoring the situation.  “The Gootans are here are are getting closer to an attack.  I would say that the attack will take place sometime in November or December of 2012.  They are just “observing” humans now.”

Dr. Malley went on to say that the United Nations is doing everything in its power to protect the citizens of earth from the Gootans.   Dr. Johannes Bargad, a specialist in extraterrestrial medicine, is working on a vaccine that may keep the Gootans away – but time is running out.

Why  have the Gootans have come? –  we asked Dr. Begley. “Well, some say they have come for our gold, or that they feel that humans are abusing the planet and want to take over, and others  speculate that they are here to do research on humans…. but we will never know.  We just have to take steps to protect our planet.”

As always, WWN will continue following this developing story…  and please report any Gootan sightings in the comments section.  The mainstream media is covering up this story to avoid causing a worldwide panic, but WWN wants to keep readers informed.

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Article source: http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/41182/aliens-attack-2-28-12/

Norman Reedus, who plays Daryl Dixon on AMC’s The Walking Dead, talks about Daryl’s zombie ear necklace and why it’s impossible to not look cool with a crossbow.

Q: “Chupacabra” is a pretty intense episode.

A: It’s like Deliverance meets Motorhead.

Q: In this episode, Daryl has a necklace of ears. Were you pleased with the necklace?

A: It’s a necklace of ears, man! Cutting off the ears is just Daryl getting angry and doing what he has to do to save himself. I love that he’s still like that.

Q: Last year you told us your challenge was to make a racist likeable. Now your character is a fan favorite. Have you enjoyed the switch?

A: I’ve tried to make him more of a multi-layered character — someone who can tear up and then try to knife you. He’s kind of like this wet little coyote that doesn’t know where he’s at and people are trying to reach over and pet him and he snaps back.

Q: Last year you told us you had never used a crossbow before. You must be pretty comfortable with the thing by now?

A: [Laughs] I’m pretty well-versed in crossbow-ness by now, but I’m still figuring out new ways to use it all the time. These days I can flip it around my back or use it to prop a shotgun up. I’ve gotten good at running and shooting it, too. My latest accomplishment is that I can jump on a horse and hook the reins onto the horn of the saddle and flip it over my back and load and fire it while riding. You can’t not look cool with a crossbow.

Q: The zombie actors must cringe when they have a scene with you.

A: You have to dry fire on set — and it’s with another wimpy crossbow, with the tension let out. If it’s a close range zombie kill, like that episode where I roll over on my back and shoot a zombie who’s on top of me, it’s with that Nerf-like crossbow.

Q: Daryl is a survivalist and outdoors type of guy. Are you like that?

A: [Laughs] I’ve been camping and stuff, but if you left me in the woods I’d probably just curl up and cry until someone found me. I have to say living in Georgia while shooting The Walking Dead — I love the country. I’ve been riding my motorcycle in my time off, not seeing anyone for hours. I love it here.

Q: Have you stumbled upon any hidden secrets in your travels around Georgia?

A: I also have an old truck — a 1979 Ford F150 that has big wheels on it — and what I’ve found out is that if you ride in the country in a truck, the other truck drivers wave to you. I love the politeness down here.

Q: Did you give Laurie Holden a hard time because her character shoots Daryl?

A: Yeah we had a big laugh about that. I was like “Laurie, I can’t believe you did that!” She was like, “I was really sad, I swear!” She’s become a good friend of mine. We’ve all become really tight on the show.

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We are running out of ideas for which babes should be future babes of the week! That’s right, every week we give you a new hottie to look at. We give you girls like adult film twins Cali Marie and Cherish, Joeclyn and Crystal Potter, Sophia Vergara, Kate Middleton, Shy Love, and others! However, we are running out of ideas for who should be next. We always try to pick babes who we want you to learn about, or aren’t typical mainstream models. So if you have a recommendation, please leave a comment below to help us!

SnowMan M.F. Jones

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http://real-aliens.awardspace.com/

Here is the latest entry in our weekly “Worst of the Web” column.  It is a site titled “Real Aliens and UFO.”  Here is a sample of the page:

Welcome to the biggest website dedicated to one question: Are aliens real?
You will find here lots of information about:
Alien abduction, Extraterrestrial life, Roswell incident, Ufo sightings, Crop circles, Conspiracy theories, Paranormal phenomenons and other Aliens proofs such as pictures, footages and videos. The real aliens website is on its early stages, Currently there are over 100 aliens pages here and still growing !

“Mommy, are aliens real?”
“No, Tommy.” Jessica pinned the next sheet to the clothes line. “Aliens aren’t real. They’re something made-up, make-belief like you see on Mister Dressup. They’re monsters that were made to scare the adults.”

“I saw aliens on the X-Files.” Tommy sauntered through the wind-pulled sheets. “They were small and grey all over. They had no hair and they had big black eyes like a big bug.” He whizzed his toy spaceship through the air, between and around the wet sheets.

“The X-Files is a television show, Tommy,” Jessica reminded. She whipped the creases out of another sheet. “It’s something called science-fiction, which is another phrase for make-belief.”

“But what about Cancerman!” Tommy protested. “He looked just like the old man who lives next door–and he worked for the government!” Jessica smiled and shook her head. “It’s all pretend, Tommy. It’s all pretend. The universe is a big, big place–but it’s impossible to cross all that space.”

Tommy frowned. “Whatever. I’m going to Eric’s house.” “Okay, Tommy.” Jessica clapped her hands together. “But be back before dinner! We’re having spinach and carrots and potatoes.” Tommy went to Eric’s house with a disgusted look on his face.

Jessica smiled to herself. “Kids will be kids,” she said. She pinned the last sheet to the clothes line and went inside to signal the mother ship.

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The film opens with a credit sequence depicting Shaft, a private detective, emerging from the New York City subway and walking through Times Square, with scenes characterizing early 1970s New York. Shaft visits a shoeshine parlor, and is informed that some gangsters are looking for him. Police Lt. Vic Androzzi meets Shaft outside the parlor; and tries to get information from him on the two gangsters, but without any success. After Lt. Androzzi leaves, Shaft spots one of the men waiting for him in his office building. He command’s the first gangster, forcing him into his office where the second gangster is waiting. After a quick fight, Shaft throws one of them out the window; while the other surrenders and reveals to him that Bumpy, the leader of an uptown gang, wanted to meet Shaft and knock him out at his office.

At the police station, Shaft lies to Lt. Androzzi and his superior about the fight by saying that his friend got into an “accident”. He is allowed to return to the streets for 48 hours. Shaft arranges a meeting with Bumpy, the leader of these gangsters, in his office. It turns out Bumpy’s daughter has been kidnapped, and Shaft is asked to get her back safe. Shaft starts his investigation by looking for a man named Ben Buford, who is revealed to have been part of “the movement” with Shaft years ago, and eventually finds out that Ben’s group is holding a meeting. Shaft then returns home to his girlfriend where they make love.

The evening of the meeting, Shaft is tailed by a fingerman to the meeting where an ambush ensures. Shaft and Ben escape from the carnage while Ben’s group and the fingerman are murdered by unknown assailants. Ben confronts Shaft, thinking he was set up, but they refrain from fighting and move on.

Shaft is told by Vic after the shooting that Shaft himself was the target, not Ben, and that there are brewing tensions between the “uptown” hoods belonging to Bumpy Jonas and the “downtown” Mafioso, that have culminated in a couple of murders. Vic states those who know, know it’s “hood against hood” on the inside, but the perception is black against white to the general public, with the possibility of things escalating into full-blown race war on the streets of the city. He also shows Shaft some pictures of two of the Mafioso men who just got to New York. Vic pleads to Shaft to just clue him in to what’s going on, though Vic already knew Bumpy was looking for Shaft.

Shaft and Ben later meet Bumpy at his uptown office where Shaft ups the price for the job, based on his new-found information from Vic. Bumpy states that the reason for turning him on to Ben’s is because Shaft is going to need an army to get his daughter back, and “Ben’s got one,” he claims. After negotiations with Bumpy on a new price, they both leave his office.

Shaft retires to the “No Name Bar”, across the street from Shaft’s apartment in Greenwich Village. In the bar, he notices two men there who look like the Mafiosi from the pictures Vic showed him, having some drinks while looking at Shaft’s apartment window. Shaft takes over the bar from the bartender, and calls the cops without the two Mafiosi knowing. As the cops arrive to arrest the two men, one of them spits on Shaft’s face to which he responds by breaking a bottle of scotch over the man’s head.

After spending the night with one of the ladies from the bar, Shaft visits Vic and the two mafiaso the following morning. When Shaft returns home, he wakes the woman up, and as she leaves his place, she complains about his rotten manners out of bed, leading to a verbal spat that ends quickly.

A few seconds after the woman leaves, Vic comes in echoing the woman’s spat to Shaft. Vic tells Shaft that the room that he was in at the station house was bugged and he is supposed to bring him in for questioning, but instead leaves. Ben and Shaft go to the apartment where Marcy Jonas is being held to make sure she’s alive. Once there, a gunfight ensues during which two hoods get killed and Shaft takes a bullet in the shoulder. At home where Shaft is getting medical attention from a doctor working underground with him (Shaft refuses to go to any hospital because the hospital will notify police about his gunshot wound.), Shaft tells Ben to round up his men and meet him at the hotel where Marcy has been taken, to prepare to get her back. He also calls Bumpy to tell him that his daughter is fine and he is going to need some taxicabs to meet him at the same hotel for the getaway.

Ben’s men all dress as workers at the hotel (cooks, waiters, elevator operators, etc) as to not arouse suspicion. Shaft and one of Ben’s guys go to the roof and get set up to enter from the window of the room where Marcy is being held captive. Shaft’s plan is to cause a distraction with an explosive thrown through the window of Marcy’s room while Ben and his men come down the hall and deal with the Mafia men as they leave their rooms.

The rescue plan is successful. Marcy is spirited out of the hotel into one of the waiting taxicabs; as the others get away in the remaining cabs, Shaft walks to a phone booth to call Vic. Shaft tells him his “case just busted wide open”, to which Vic tells Shaft to close it for him. Shaft tells Vic that he won’t and declares, “I guess you’re gonna have to close it yourself … shitty!” (referring to the earlier spat with his one-night stand when Shaft asked the woman to close the door on the way out, a remark Vic overheard and teases him with), howling in laughter and walking away as the closing credits roll.

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Who is the Afro-Squad?

    The Squad, also know as the Afro-Squad Army, is a group of people across the world who share a similar distaste for the Man and his nefarious minions.  We enjoy sports, women, sporty women, good humor, and funky cars. 

Who is the Man?

    Here is the simple answer.  The Man is the guy at work that you hate.  He’s the guy who enforces pointless rules.  He is the person who raises your taxes.  He charges you additional fees on your cell phone.  He also keeps you from getting laid.

 Can I join the Afro-Squad

    Yes you can!  We are always looking for funky people to join the ranks of the Afro-Squad Army! 

 How do I join the Afro-Squad?

    There are a bunch of ways!  Grab a ‘fro, wig or similar gimmick and shoot some pictures at a local sporting event.  Even better, make your own Afro-Squad video!  Send it to us and spread the word about the Squad!

Will being in the Afro-Squad get me laid?

    Yes.  Absolutely. 

Why the dark glasses and wigs?

    First off, it is fun to dress up and look goofy.  Second, it helps hide our identity from the Man.  Let’s face it.  The Man is so powerful that he would have a jumbo jet crash in our trailer park if he ever determined our identity. 

What are some common themes within the Afro-Squad?

    A few members really like wrestling.  So you are bound to see the Squad at some wrestling events.  SnowMan and KrazyMan also enjoy White Castle, Photoshop, video editing, and classy ladies.  So you are likely to see those sorts of things too. 

I once saw a website called NinjaPimp Online.  It featured the Afro-Squad.  What was that?

    That was our attempt at a men’s magazine, like Maxim.  We did interviews.  We talked about food, and we crushed the Man. 

Where has the Afro-Squad been?

    We’ve been a lot of places.  The Afro-Squad has appeared at the Superbowl and the World Series.  We’ve been in Paris and Germany.  We’ve been on TV in the US and Australia.  We are all over YouTube, and we may have been in your sister’s bedroom. 

Who are your main members?

    KrazyMan and the SnowMan are the main members of the Squad.  For all intents and purposes, these characters founded the group.  Since then, there have been dozens of supporting characters.  Minor 69′er, Kinky Tuscadero, Jordi Scrubbings, the Afro-Squad Dog, the Gargoyle, the Mullet Master, the Rated R Afro-Star, Original Jit, the Zombie Pimp… and the list goes on. 

Does the Afro-Squad have anything to do with race?

    Nope.  It sure doesn’t.  The Afro-Squad is a group of people of different races who all hate the Man.  It is just that simple.

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Why fight the power… When you can make the power laugh?!? Show your love for Conan’s funky new look with this bad ass CONAN afro shirt (Click right here to purchase) – and revisit the start of the Coco Revolution by watching his new commercials for black people HERE and HERE!

So snatch up the CONAN Bad Ass Afro Shirt today! THE WHITEST DUDE IN TOWN JUST GOT THE REDDEST AFRO AROUND. WORD.

I’m going to go finish my vanilla almond yogurt now. Word up.

http://teamcoco.com/blog/new-conan-bad-ass-afro-tee-shirts-now-available/

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As you may already know, the team at the Afro-Squad is kind of vain.  SnowMan Jones takes pictures of himself all day long.  KrazyMan is constantly looking at his reflection in his golden gun.  Jordi Scrubbings will talk your ear off if you get a chance.  So every once in a while we google the term “Afrosquad.”

We were angered when we saw somebody using the name Afrosquad on a racist message board titled Chimpout.  Chimpout has nothing to do with the good natured antics of the real Afro-Squad. 

Every once in a while people ask us, “do your afros have anything to do with race?”  The simple answer is no.  They just look funny on our skinny little bodies.  That’s all. 

On a side note, this little chimpanzee reading a paper is pretty cool.  We wish we knew some real chimps.  They are cool when they aren’t eating your fingers. 

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Afro-Squad.com should be your main resource for information about The Man, because we produce nothing but factual data about this nefarious backstabber.

Although nobody has actually seen The Man, we have it on good authority that the picture on the far left represents him well.  (Technically, it is a drawing of Marvel Comics character Kingpin.)  On the right, we have an actual picture of professional wrestler King Kong Bundy.   We just wanted to note how close they look.  This is important as the Afro-Squad Army works to uncover information about The Man so we can stop him.

If you have information about the Man, please contact us immediately.

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So I was reading the SkyMall magazine the other day.  You know, that little mag that is in your seat on any domestic flight.  I always laugh at the bullsh!t products that they sell, but this is my new favorite of all time.

Take a look at the “logo.”  They clearly tried to steal the Nike Swoosh, but they redesigned it a bit.  Unfortunately, nobody at quality control realized that their rip-off logo looks a lot like a single sperm.  Yes sir, this is the shoe you want… if you want to show the world that you have sperm on your feet.

The various color sperm also leaves a lot of room for jokes, but my favorite part is the possibilities for various slogans!  Nike has “Just do it.”  These shoes’ slogan should be “Just did it.”  They could also play up the fact that you will be “coming quicker than ever” in these fast new shoes.

I’d finally like to point out the little picture of the business man with rocket flames coming out of his feet.  Of course, all business men wear #*# covered flaming rocket sneakers.

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Pop mogul and X-factor judge Simon Cowell has announced that the devastation caused by last week’s earthquake in Chile has not yet proved horrible enough to justify the release of another banal and sentimental charity single.

Speaking after the latest auditions for Britain’s Got Talent, the multi-millionaire said that there has been no approach this time from Prime Minister Gordon Brown, who had previously asked Cowell to record a single highlighting the struggle in Haiti.

“We won’t be doing another single this time,” said the 50-year-old. “I don’t think that the British public would go for it, and more people have to die before we can get the likes of Robbie and Mariah to show any interest”.

“Maybe if the death toll rises to 100,000 we’ll consider it, but at the moment it doesn’t look likely,” he continued.

Other stars are said to be “apathetic” to performing another charity hit so soon after the hastily produced Haiti sessions, with singing sensation Susan Boyle taking time off for exhaustion.

However, in a desperate last attempt to raise awareness of her withering singing career, X-factor judge Danni Minogue insisted that she and fellow judge Louie Walsh are working on a non-specific earthquake-related song that would go on re-release every time a nation is ravaged by mother nature.

Laurence M. Brown

http://www.dailyfortnight.com/entertainment/956-cowell-chile-quake-not-bad-enough-to-merit-charity-single

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I saw this soda for sale in a Texas grocery store today, and I had to take a picture.  It is 2010, and negative black racial stereotypes (such as a black kid eating a watermelon) are frowned upon.  So who thinks this picture is a little off?

It did really make me laugh though… in that look over your shoulder before you laugh kind of way.  Who made this stuff?

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Showing his commitment to improving the city of Detroit, Mayor David Bing has issued this new logo.

“At least it honestly portrays the look of the city,” said Bing.

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WASHINGTON—A report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Commerce revealed that Americans spend an astonishing $14 trillion a year on countless, usually failed attempts to look cool.

The amount Americans spend trying to look like they don’t care how they look is greater than the GDPs of Sweden, Brazil, and Egypt combined.

Looking cool, which the report defines as “the outward projection of an appealing and often enviable image of oneself that others perceive as requiring little to no effort,” appears to be a nationwide obsession.

“To put this into perspective, the amount Americans spend on cool looking haircuts is nearly 15 times greater than the total amount spent on cancer research,” said Eric Gerhardt, noted economist and lead author of the report. “Whether it’s name-brand sneakers, an all-in-one espresso maker, or a pair of hip and stylish Ray-Ban sunglasses, we devote tremendous resources each year toward our conspicuous attempts at stature enhancement.”

“It’s pretty much an epidemic at this point,” the 52-year-old professor added before pausing momentarily to adjust a small gold earring in his freshly pierced earlobe.

The report found that, in all 50 states, efforts to appear cool accounted for a greater portion of household expenditures than career training, doctor visits, and childcare combined.

In addition, Gerhardt said, even basic necessities such as food, shelter, and water are obtained based on perceived coolness, with people opting to purchase expensive Thai or Ethiopian takeout food, spend more than they can afford on homes with granite countertops, and drink bottled water for no other reason than to impress others.

Commerce Secretary Gary Locke refused to tell reporters where he got that tie.

Despite the many trillions of dollars spent each year, the study found that Americans, as a whole, generally fail miserably at looking cool.

“Someone like contractor Jerry Ditmas of Akron, OH, for example, who spends as much as $3,000 per annum on custom motorcycle accessories, succeeds only in looking like a bigger doofus with each wasted dollar,” said Gerhardt, adding that the advertising industry, Japanese youths, and dads on vacation account for nearly a quarter of the $14 trillion. “This is in contrast to, say, [musician] Lou Reed, who spent just $11 on looking cool in 2009 and remains as cool as they come.”

According to the report, researchers have isolated a previously unknown personality trait called “getting it,” a variable that, while not completely understood, seems to be essential to the achievement of coolness.

“Those who we found ‘get it,’ or who we determined ‘know the score,’ succeeded nearly three times as often at looking cool as those who did not,” Gerhardt said. “Unfortunately, regardless of how much money Americans spend in desperate attempts to look cool, we concluded that nearly three-quarters of the populations falls into the category of ‘lame-os’ or ‘total lame-os.’”

This worrisome trend extends far beyond just the average citizen, however.

According to the report, a significant percentage of the $14 trillion can be traced back to the highest levels of government, with tax cuts, most defense spending, and a number of major public works such as Mount Rushmore amounting to little more than lawmakers’ attempts to appear cool to constituents.

“The Cold War was essentially one huge, pathetic trying-to-look-cool race,” Gerhardt said.

Asked about ways the $14 trillion might be better spent, Professor Ian Thorson, a sociologist at Georgetown University, suggested the funds be used to combat poverty, but acknowledged that donating to charities was not always effective, as even those Americans in need often spend much of the assistance they receive on trying to look cool.

“The whole thing ends up being a vicious cycle,” Thorson said. “The only way this situation will ever be remedied is if people just relax and try to be themselves, you know? I mean, that’s cool, man.”

Added Thorson, “Right?”

Thorson said his current research indicates that true coolness may in fact come from not caring what other people think—a finding he hopes to submit to his peers for review before publishing it in a journal admired by students and colleagues alike.

A number of leading economists have already discredited the Commerce Department’s report, claiming the $10 million study was undertaken for the sole purpose of looking cool by winning a bunch of government funding

Source:  http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-14-trillion-spent-annually-on-trying-to-loo,17125/

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Source – http://wrestling911.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=3291

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