The normally quiet city of New Orleans needs to plan a victory celebration after Sunday’s big Superbowl victory.  That only questions is “how.” 

“We aren’t normally a city that gets a lot of national attention,” said a city official. “This is going to be a big change of pace for our quiet citizens.” 

Known for being a city of modest citizens, city officials are humbled at the thought of throwing a party in the city of New Orleans. 

“We just have never really had a big party here before.  This media attention all so new to us,” said Dr. Melthrop Thunderkiss of Pat O’Brien’s bar on Bourbon Street.  “Sure there was the publicity of the Hurricane, the yearly Marti Gras, the night parades, the girls that go wild, the… hey, wait a second… I think we can do this party thing.”

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After weeks of reports that actor comedian Rip Torn was drunk and disorderly, the A.N.U.S. is the first to break the news of his life ending sickness. 

“We are convinced that Torn is not suffering from delirium, as was reported by Fox News and CNBC.  His actions were clearly those of a man in the first stages of zombiehood,” said Afro-Squad reporter Mervin Beasto.  

At one point news channels in Los Angeles reported Rip Torn as dead, but the A.N.U.S. states that he is clearly not dead.  He is just mildly undead.  (Undead being the state of a walking corpse, zombie, vampire, or animated skeleton, according to the U.S. Surgeon General.)  The photo to the left is the first proof that Torn is a zombie. 

“Rip’s doing pretty well for a flesh-eating zombie,” reported an unnamed family member.  “With all of his ‘I am going to eat you’ antics, I haven’t seen him this animated in years.”

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“We really should have thought this out a bit more,”  said Afrosquad’s lead reported the SnowMan.  “Had I realized the acronym for Afrosquad News Universe Syndicate spelled A.N.U.S., I would have never paid to put the sign on our new building.” 

After christening the A.N.U.S. building, the Afrosquad celebrated long into the evening.  With over 3,000 people in and out of the A.N.U.S. last night, the Squad feels like they have really broken in the new building. 

“The name is a bit awkward, but when you consider how shitty other news syndicates are, it really seems appropriate,” said Afrosquad’s KrazyMan.  “Despite our pleasure, this really stinks.”  

The A.N.U.S. started small, with just a few people in it.  However, the hopes are that the A.N.U.S. will keep growing for years to come. 

“After last night’s blow out, this thing really feels right.  It is amazing how wrecked this place got though.  We better call a cleanup crew.”

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