It has been reported that former President George W. Bush went into the Lafayette County Library at around 2:00 AM Saturday and edited his own Wikipedia page, security cameras and Internet logs indicate.  The log indicates the former president edited the “Domestic” and “Foreign perceptions” sub-sections within the main section of the lengthy article.  Library officials claim they can’t do anything since Bush is a former two-term president and the library was built for him.  “Even though he doesn’t even have a library card, we still have to let him in whenever he pleases,” said head librarian and wife Laura Bush.

For several months, the Wikipedia page had the following written about Bush:
“By April 2008, Bush’s disapproval ratings were the highest ever recorded in the 70-year history of the Gallup poll for any president, with 69% of those polled disapproving of the job Bush was doing as president and 28% approving. In September 2008, in polls performed by various agencies, Bush’s approval rating ranged from 19%—the lowest ever —to 34% and his disapproval rating stood at 69%.  Bush left the White House as one of the most unpopular American presidents, second in unpopularity only to Richard Nixon.”

After Bush left the library, the Wikipedia page read the following:
“By April 2008, President Bush finally scored a three-some with Condie and Laura, with 66% of those polled approving of the job he was doing in bed. In September 2008, he polled performed by various frat girls, his approval rating ranged from 99%—the highest ever —to 105% and my disapproval rating stood at 7%.  I left the White House as one of the most popular American presidents, second in popularity only to my dad.  He.. he.. The Internet.”

Tiger Woods made the statement today that it was Satan that made him “take interest in extramarital affairs.”  Tiger went on to say, “I need to keep Satan out of my life because he has ruined a lot of good things for me.” 

The A.N.U.S. interviewed the Crown Prince of Darkness.  The Dark Overlord had this to say, “I had nothing to do with Mr. Woods’ affairs.  Please leave me out of this one.  I take enough heat for the whole Holocaust thing.”

We’ll have more as the story unfolds. 

Photo Credit: Shafali

Over the past few decades, baseball has changed its rules to accommodate its viewers.  It has made adjustments and tweaks to appeal to the Mtv generation, but the Major Leagues have never had any major changes. 

Here are a list of changes that we feel will help the big leagues stay as fresh a new pouch of Big League Chew. 

1)      More blood.  Allow runners to sharpen their cleats.  Ty Cobb used to do it back in baseball’s hay day.  Why can’t runners do it now.  Imagine how much more interesting it would be if a runner slides into third base a set of razor sharp blades attached to his feet.  Who wouldn’t want to see that?

2)      Hot catchers.  The days of crusty old comic legends like Johnny Bench and Bob Uecker are long gone.  Now it is time to have hotties squatting behind home plate.  A simple rule change requiring a busty blonde behind the plate would make those long games so much more entertaining.  Of course, the uniform would have to require cute skirts and panties, but baseball has to change if it wants more viewers!

3)      Loaded bats.  What is so wrong with a corked bat?  It only makes you more able to smash the dickens out of some ball.  Why not encourage hitters to cork their bats.  Hell, MLB should hire teams at NASA to produce the most powerful bat in the universe.  Wouldn’t you want to see a buy like Barry Bonds crush a ball 1,000 feet?  I know I would.

4)      Bears on unicycles.  Replace general managers with bears on unicycles.  I am not sure what this would do, but the world needs more bears on unicycles. 

5)      Explosions.  How about adding some low powered land mines in the base path.  I am not talking about anything that could kill, but maybe an explosion just powerful enough to knock the hell out of somebody.  It would make running the bases a little more like Russian Roulette.

I have plenty of other suggestions, but we’ll wait to let baseball try some of these before I announce them.