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Universe Groove,
     
I am happy to present to you a complete guide to pimping in the new millenium.  For the first time in modern history we present a slamtastic, modernistic, funk-elastic list of the greatest pimps of all time.  Just so you know, this is all compliments of the AfroSquad!    

The $nowMan
Pimp of the Year, 2006




2007 Runner Up
KrazyMan, the perpetual sidekick to the $nowMan, outdid his pimping buddy and was voted as first runner up for the 2007 Pimp of the Year.  Should Sponge Bob not be able to fulfill his pimping duties of pleasuring fine ladies across the globe as Pimp of the Year, then Krazyman will be required to step into that role.

KrazyMan's 2006 accomplishments include four marriages to Pamela Lee (Man), the starring role in AfroSquad, Episode Zero, the unveiling of his and $nowMan's Gigantic Weiners, and delivering Big Dongs to hoes nationwide!    


Pimp of the Year History
Interested in who was the AfroSquad Pimp of the Year in the past?  Click on the names below and see our archived pictures! 

1970     John Shaft
1971     John Holmes     
1972     Pimp Panther
1973     Goldie, The Mack
1974     Dolemite
1975     Statla & Waldorf G 
1976     Ron Jeremy, AKA the Hedgehog
1977     Jack Tripper, Sleaze Company
1978     Funky Pope (Formerly Pope John Paul II)     
1979     Ronald "Ray" Guns (Formerly Ronald Reagon
1980     Master Gates (Formerly Bill Gates)
1981    
Mack Donald, (Formerly Ronald McDonald)
1982     Mack Donald, (Formerly Ronald McDonald)  *
1983     Mr. T
1984    
Papa Pimp (Formerly Papa Smurf)
1985     Optimus Pimp, Transformers (Formerly Optimus Prime)
1986     SuperPimp (Formerly Superman)
1987     Peter North
1988     Lego Ninja
1989     Evil Homer (Formerly Homer Jay Simpson)
1990     Jerry Funkfeld (Formerly Jerry Seinfeld)
1991     Afro Saddam, Iraq (Formerly Saddam Hussien)
1992     Plushy Pimp
1993     Abe the Babe
1994     Lil' Mickey (Formerly Mickey Mouse)
1995     Mack Daddy Slim, Pimp Fiction
1996    
The Original Snowman, AfroSquad
1997     Iggy, Iggy's Classy Ladies
1998     Ryan, Big Head Ryan and the Monsters
1999     Not so evil Bert, Sesame Street (Formerly Evil Bert)
2000    
The Big Boned Ninja, SouthPark (Formerly Eric Cartman)
2001    
Papa Pimp (Formerly Papa Smurf)  *
2002    
RoboPimp (Formerly Robocop)
2003     George "Loves" Bush (Formerly George W. Bush)
2004     The Red Ninja, NinjaPimp.com 
2005     The NinjaPimp, NinjaPimp.com
2006     The $nowMan, AfroSquad Version II    
2007     Sponge Bob Square Pimp

2008     FCW Andy

           A * indicates two-time winner. 


AfroSquad

Top 2009 Pimp of the Year Competitors:

The Zombie Pimp:
Formerly known as Jim Bucko, the Zombie Pimp was responsible for the notorious 2005 Zombie attack on American Idol.   In 2006 he took the world by storm when he joined forces with NinjaPimp.com, and the word is out that he and his girlfriend, Pin-Up Zombie, will prove that disco never dies!  

Donald Skumsfeld:
Formerly known as Donald Rumsfeld, "Skummy" picked up his pimping game after he stepped down as the U.S. Secretary of Defense.  "If I knew then what I know now, I would have used the Red Ninja to fight the War on Terror," he said.  Despite his attempts to become the 2007 Pimp of the Year, he may never live down the notorious Guantanamo Bay Ho Abuse allegations.       

"Scary" John Kerry:
Runner up to Lil' George in the 2003 Pimp of the Year elections, an election that was greatly affected by the Swift Bitch Veterans for Truth.  We are not sure of the caliber of his hoes, because even though a cold hearted ice princess may not be worth much in Compton, Teresa Heinz Kerry is worth a lot in New England.             

Mackatron:
Formerly known as Megatron, Mackatron has been envious of Optimus Pimp since he won the Pimp of the Year awards in 1985.  As the theme song goes, the AutoPimps wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the DiscoCons.      

Not So Evil Bert:
Framed by the website "Bert is Evil," Good Bert is one of the most fun-loving pimps in AfroSquad history.  Although detractors point out that he pimps on the corner of Sesame Street and PBS Drive, is brought to you by the letters F and U, and that his fingers smell like bacon after he visits Miss Piggy, we all know that Bert is a true hero for men and women everywhere.   

F'n Delano Roosevelt:
In the 30s during the depression, he created the New Deal, and now he is willing to offer homeless teenage women a New Deal as well.  He is also known for starting Social Security, which is a program that he now intends to get rid of.  "Now that Viagra is available to the elderly, I will make sure that they are working hard again," he claims.   

The NinjaPimp:
In 2006 the Man hypnotized the NinjaPimp and turned him into a complete butthole.  This cost him any chance at repeating as the Pimp of the Year.  In 2007, however, he is dedicated to pimping bigger and harder than ever!  "The party at NinjaPimp.com won't stop until everybody's pregnant!" he promises.